Part 2

Choosing a Path and Striving to Stick to It

Small things do add up though. According to McGonigal’s book, willpower can be boosted by drinking lemon-aid and in general can be replenished by increasing blood sugar. Wow. Just a brief interjection to remind my reader to grab a snack if you want a boost!

Right now I think one of the biggest things I can do for my personal growth is to set reasonable goals. I think I am ready to write over my plan with ins and outs built in. I know I will fail somehow because I am human, but knowing what I am going to do is a big important precursor for succeeding especially because sometimes I don’t do much at all, since I have been drawing disability. So having had a snack of substance that still brought up my ATP/ energy level yet was not entirely sugar, I am ready to build a plan for my future. Or at least to start planning.

Two month planning is clearly something I need to do for success. I do have the a couple issues of unknown in the disability appeal time frame I am existing in and also not having any current jobs who have declared they want to hire me. I am going to list some things that I might do, because I really don’t have the answers ready, and am writing out my ideas to know.

So I could do the push push push method but I don’t think that is the right choice for me. In the push push push method, I apply to numerous suitable jobs until I get one. Then there is no deciding whether to do it or not. I do it. Then after 2 months I have achieved my preliminary goal with the written in hope that I might try for longer. I guess because I say push push push, in this hypothetical, I try for a full time job. I think this goal is too sizable for me right now though and am just mentioning to illustrate an example of something that probably is too much.

On the other edge of the continuum, there is the goal that is too little. In this goal, maybe I allow whatever I want for the next 2 months. This goal overlooks that I am at a good point for trying something since at least I am self exploring. In this goal I try to read one book in the two month period and allow whatever other time occupation I want. I know I can achieve the goal. What makes it too small is simply that I have been trying things for 36 years, and that is less than I know I can do. It is less than I usually do, or at least, in my high success phases it is less than I do. I think rest times are important, and frankly I only feel like doing one phase higher than this in terms of trying hard right now. It is good to know that my energy is limited right now and to know that I know it. It also is good to express the lowest effort idea so that I can add something to it that I really do want to do, to complete. If you see my creativity though, you will be glad for what I think I might add.

The middle option is one of many possibilities. But my end game ultimate goal in life still is MFA from Bennington in Poetry, career teaching writing. And I have a Bachelors of Arts in English, so I am not starting from scratch, and I don’t need to think so small that I just set a goal of reading.

Here are some middle options that would not go towards the aim. Americorps semester. I am going to cancel my applications. Working in a dental office. Not in these next 2 months. Cancel that idea. And it is ok to cancel and quit a bad idea. Pendle Hill full time cook job is now off the table.

I do not have a creative writing project in mind other than to do more in this self help willpower blog series. So for the first day or two of the next two months, starting July 1, 2019, I think I am going to decide on a creative writing project that I can pour my heart into finishing. I have no doubt I will come up with something to excite me. Then I am going to pour my heart into that project, without changing away from the project, though writing adapts for 2 months. At the end of those months, my award to myself for completing this easy beginner project will be to apply to Bennington if I feel I am ready for that. Meanwhile, my disability will not be taken off for the sole reason that I am trying to work during this period, though in the hard reality I still might lose the case for disability.

OK! I am excited about this!!!