Recent changes to this wiki:

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     </iframe>
 
+
+December, 1, 2020
+
+I skipped yesterday!  I was sucked into watching America's Top Model.  lol  It is surprisingly good.  Very absorbing, and the hostess, Tyra Banks, is compassionate and has a unique set of words she uses to describe things.  If you booch, you are posing with your body, and if you tooch you pose with your face.  I think.  I might have spelled that wrong.  Nevertheless it is imperative you know these things if you want to be a model.  I never do, but only because I would fail.  I never know how to look good in a photo, and so have to rely upon chance.
+
+This AM I was almost going to quit computer and electronics for a long sabbatical but it only lasted 3 hours.  Be on the lookout for an upcoming break from gadgets.  
+
+I applied for a program.  I don't think I am yet going to say which.  If you are particularly tuned in you might know from the following statistic.  8 poets are accepted out of about 700 applicants each year.  So considering my chances, I don't want to get anyone's hopes up.  
+
+I made cookies with maple syrup and coconut.  They stuck to the pan even though I greased it.  I made a lamb, kale, egg scramble that was pretty good.  I think the best thing I enjoyed today was a cup of black tea with maple syrup and evaporated milk.   Who's interested?  :)
+
+
 November 29, 2020
 
 

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 November 29, 2020
 
+
+Brene Brown says People with Boundaries are More Compassionate
+
+Ask for what you need, and that if what you need places a boundary on someone else, that is a better approach than hedging and hawing about the problem or pretending there is no problem.  In the long run it is more compassionate to have boundaries and more likely to reduce suffering.  
+
+One of my neighbors is a child named C who is very outgoing with everyone.   I have watched his development from my porch.  His family always goes everywhere on bikes.  His step dad drives a big truck for work, but the Mom and the 3 boys have always been very versatile with their bikes, doing everything with their bikes.  They pick up groceries with bikes down at the Dollar Store.  
+
+So now all 3 of the boys are in high school and C, the youngest brother, is in 9th grade.  But maybe when he was in 5th grade, I told C that people with boundaries are more compassionate.  He is such a friendly kid.  He was starting to tell me he felt spread thin back then possibly because he never seems to meet a stranger, and always is the first one to reach out.  I love talking to him a lot.  And when I told him about boundaries, he admitted it was something he was working on.  “Me too.”  I confided in him.  
+
+I think about the pandemic and the way it has changed how I relate with people.  I don’t go in anywhere anymore at all, so that in itself means that I see a whole lot fewer people.  Sometimes I feel I am reveling in alone time.  Other times I think about different friends and aquaintances I miss and I feel sad that I cannot see them sooner.  
+
+When this pandemic ends, I think I am going to make a point of having different boundaries with people.  I used to stretch myself thin, a lot like how C did.  I have noticed a change in him, at different times, how he is way less reaching out to people on the street lately, and more keeping to his family and close friends.  I am proud to think I might have been an early influence to help him develop good boundaries.  
+
+Out by my walk, there is a rock I painted that says People with Boundaries are More Compassionate.  I also painted World Peace on a sign, and put little Thich Nhat Hanh poems around my home.  But the Brene Brown idea on the stone seems to just be the beginning of self transformation in a way where saying World Peace feels shallow and the buddhist poems feel less accessible.  
+
+Compassion and Empathy are some of the best things I can think of to strive towards.  Every one of us probably can improve somehow in terms of how compassionate we are.  Maybe more of us will emerge after the pandemic with improved boundaries.  I am hopeful for a better world.  
+
+
+
+
 I imagine
 
 slender Buddhist fingers

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+November 29, 2020
+
+I imagine
+
+slender Buddhist fingers
+
+long Buddhist fingers
+
+short and stumpy fingers too
+
+typing in my book
+
+because I advertised on Lion's Roar.  
+
+I love Lion's Roar magazine.  I currently am reading the January issue.  Since I started ordering it, I've been reading it through, one article at a time.  My advertisement exists on page 76 across from the Buddhist directory.  I imagine some outhouse, ten years from now, using this issue for reading material.  The thought makes me smile.  I love to stay in touch!
+
 
 November 28, 2020
 

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 November 28, 2020
 
+Gods in other lands
+
+In Hindu mythology, they say that the world is the "drama of God".  God in Indian mythology is the "self."  What do you think about this view of God and other views of God? Personally I like to think all other ideas are valid and equally true.  To me the point that I see in that statue is that materialism is both something that humans should strive towards (taking care of things with great concern) and against (collecting and gathering all sorts of things for no apparent reason other than possibly to compare themselves with their neighbors.)  I think a buddha statue reminds me about important things.    
+
 Observations
 
 I never was the best writer.  I’m not sure who was.  Shakespeare?  An obscure gypsy?  Rumi?  Writing is a direct link to someone’s mind.  But it’s more like a painting.  You get to work on the piece and make it better than your brain at any one moment.  As you add layer after layer, as you delete the parts that don’t work, your piece improves or fails in one lump, despite the fact you might have been working on it all year.  You can also just write a single draft, but that’s not your whole intellect on display there.  It’s just one tiny segment of your abilities.  

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     </iframe>
 
+
+November 28, 2020
+
+Observations
+
+I never was the best writer.  I’m not sure who was.  Shakespeare?  An obscure gypsy?  Rumi?  Writing is a direct link to someone’s mind.  But it’s more like a painting.  You get to work on the piece and make it better than your brain at any one moment.  As you add layer after layer, as you delete the parts that don’t work, your piece improves or fails in one lump, despite the fact you might have been working on it all year.  You can also just write a single draft, but that’s not your whole intellect on display there.  It’s just one tiny segment of your abilities.  
+
+Go back to me not being the best.  I said that for a reason.  When I was in high school, I dreamed I could be a great writer.  But more importantly I just wanted to write, and I knew it was wonderful in groups because I took an incredible Creative Writing class in which we even put out a publication.  So I knew I wanted to do Writing, but it was something none of my peers said they wanted to do as much as me.  They loved the Creative Writing class as much as I did.  Maybe they had secret dreams to be writers, probably even.  No one talked much about ‘what they wanted to be when they grew up’.  And I took classes with high achievers.  All of my peers were the top students.  All of my classes my last year were as high level as possible.  Most were AP.  
+
+In college, I had a Poetry class my second year with a wonderful teacher.  She told me something that changed me forever that actually I think I took as bad advice.  She said I needed to really believe in my writing.  Basically that is all she said was I really had to change my belief in my writing.  Before she said that I guess I approached my writing with insecurity.  This really entitled me to draw in my ego.  And looking back I am not sure if I should have.  She said I should say things like I am a great poet if I wanted to be a poet.  But I don’t think I am a great poet.  I just work long and hard at it.  
+
+The longer and harder I work at my poetry the better it will be.  So I am not the best writer.  I also am not the writer that tries the very hardest.  But I do try hard in my writing, and I have learned a lot about how to write.  Still I have a lot more to learn.  
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
 November 27, 2020
 
 I just want to grow my hair so long

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 November 27, 2020
 
 I just want to grow my hair so long
+
 But just on the left
+
 I want to cut it short
+
 Oh baby just on the right
 
 You might say, envision your future.  It’s a New Year.  To some, Thanksgiving marks a new calendar.  

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 <iframe style="width:120px;height:240px;" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" src="//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?ServiceVersion=20070822&OneJS=1&Operation=GetAdHtml&MarketPlace=US&source=ac&ref=tf_til&ad_type=product_link&tracking_id=author0d7-20&marketplace=amazon&region=US&placement=B07QQTTXP4&asins=B07QQTTXP4&linkId=08d7982313571271579ba819ed9d1b1e&show_border=false&link_opens_in_new_window=false&price_color=333333&title_color=0066c0&bg_color=ffffff">
     </iframe>
 
+November 27, 2020
+
+I just want to grow my hair so long
+But just on the left
+I want to cut it short
+Oh baby just on the right
+
+You might say, envision your future.  It’s a New Year.  To some, Thanksgiving marks a new calendar.  
+
+I have been imagining different futures.  One is that I live in a Quaker commune I picked out.  But I don’t think I want to move far away.  In another option I live in a van and explore.  Hashtag van life.  
+
+I got a post card from social security administration that says I can get a free 5,000 extra dollars each year with a thing called extra help.  I am not sure what’s the catch.  But that is a huge amount of money for me, so I am wondering if it could be true.  
+
+I have been exploring ego and considering and wondering if I am actually not a good writer.  I have put too much of my ego into writing and the potential it might have for me.  I am just someone who writes.  I need to gut it.  I need to gut the writer I am to get to the bone structure of the truth of my writing, to have better writing, to be more honest.  
+
+I can’t envision my future, but I did go into the bathroom and snip all of my hair short on one side.  Meanwhile, with covid lurking around the corner I mustered up the strength to grow the other side longer than I have for a long time.  Maybe I can get the perfect hair style just where I am.  If I can do that, nothing else really matters!  
+
+
 
 November 26, 2020
 

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 November 26, 2020
 
+
+[[!img DSCF6123.JPG align="right" size="450x" alt=""]]
+
 No one else is up, and I am thinking of an article I read yesterday, The Buddha's Journey, in my Lion's Roar magazine.  I wanted to read this article to answer a preliminary question that had surfaced about the Buddha, was he really different (translation, was he really forever enlightened?)
 
 Then I kind of started wondering something else, when I read this sentence:  "The Buddha’s inner explorations had revealed suffering to be caused by three toxic emotional traits buried deep in the human psyche."
@@ -1083,3 +1086,5 @@ At least I am healthy and safe.  At least I can sit on my porch and be 6 feet fr
 
 
 
+
+

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+November 26, 2020
+
+No one else is up, and I am thinking of an article I read yesterday, The Buddha's Journey, in my Lion's Roar magazine.  I wanted to read this article to answer a preliminary question that had surfaced about the Buddha, was he really different (translation, was he really forever enlightened?)
+
+Then I kind of started wondering something else, when I read this sentence:  "The Buddha’s inner explorations had revealed suffering to be caused by three toxic emotional traits buried deep in the human psyche."
+
+and "When greed, hatred, or delusion are present, blazing like fires that scorch the mind and body, suffering is born; when these are absent, suffering goes to rest."
+
+Some reason my mental illness is supposed to have delusions as part of it.  So reading about delusions as such a contributor to suffering made me wonder how I could have fewer delusions.  
+
+There are extreme delusions that I currently am free of, like thinking that I am Jesus or something, you know real crazy thoughts.  But then I think the word delusion used in the previous sentences must have a more common, ordinary application.  I think the Lion's Roar author is saying delusions cause suffering including delusions we all have, like letting someone's ego be too big, as a simple example.  
+
+I don't know entirely where I am going with this.  
+
+I wanted to read about the Buddha because I read Sidhartha a long time ago, but felt recently I could get more from an article on the Buddha because my reading of the book in high school might have missed major points about his life.  I do think freedom from suffering is the main point of Buddhism.  Right?  I mean compassion, and release from suffering?  Is that true?  
+
+
+
+
 November 25, 2020
 
 Joey came for Thanksgiving so I have been busy with him and wonderful food preparations and pie samplings.  We had quarantined before hand so I think we should be great!

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     </iframe>
 
+
+November 25, 2020
+
+Joey came for Thanksgiving so I have been busy with him and wonderful food preparations and pie samplings.  We had quarantined before hand so I think we should be great!
+
+
+
+
 November 24, 2020
 
 Use this link to access my online class for free!  https://skl.sh/3nTTGtm
 
 
+
+
 November 23, 2020
 
 I am very thrilled to be creating a course on skillshare in "Wabi Sabi Poetry"!!

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     </iframe>
 
+November 24, 2020
+
+Use this link to access my online class for free!  https://skl.sh/3nTTGtm
+
 
 November 23, 2020
 

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+November 23, 2020
+
+I am very thrilled to be creating a course on skillshare in "Wabi Sabi Poetry"!!
+
 November 22, 2020
 
 I woke with a good song in my head, so I rose up joyfully instead of sluggish.  I'm excited about seeing my brother for Thanksgiving and eating food with my mother so I'm not letting world events that require quarantining get me down!  Life is good!  God is great!  There is something to celebrate!  It is 6:27 in the morning and I feel new!!

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+November 22, 2020
+
+I woke with a good song in my head, so I rose up joyfully instead of sluggish.  I'm excited about seeing my brother for Thanksgiving and eating food with my mother so I'm not letting world events that require quarantining get me down!  Life is good!  God is great!  There is something to celebrate!  It is 6:27 in the morning and I feel new!!
+
+
 November 21, 2020
 
 Message: Dear Jon Watts, I just typed "Devout Quaker" into my youtube search engine but I didn't quite get what I wanted. Yesterday I watched all 6 episodes of the Netflix Docuseries "Voices of Fire" about a gospel choir. Something happened to me while I heard one particular singer belt the word "need". I realized the mainstream Christian language about God and Christ that always used to rub me wrong, is something I actually can relate to since I feel the need for Christ's Love is also the need for any emotional answer. I have a mental health disability, so I have experienced my share of emotion, and I still have wild feelings. Realizing that my Emotional Needs are the same thing as any Christian Praising or Begging God for Mercy, made me feel connected, part of something bigger, part of humanity, part of Life, part of the Light. I used to follow around a man named Jason who was then a new friend. He was so very devout, and I wanted to know what was his access point to God. Jason channels a Strange Power. I texted him last night with an unusual newfound exuberant use of the Christian language as my own. "Everyone has emotions and that is our stethoscope to God's heart." 

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 Message: Dear Jon Watts, I just typed "Devout Quaker" into my youtube search engine but I didn't quite get what I wanted. Yesterday I watched all 6 episodes of the Netflix Docuseries "Voices of Fire" about a gospel choir. Something happened to me while I heard one particular singer belt the word "need". I realized the mainstream Christian language about God and Christ that always used to rub me wrong, is something I actually can relate to since I feel the need for Christ's Love is also the need for any emotional answer. I have a mental health disability, so I have experienced my share of emotion, and I still have wild feelings. Realizing that my Emotional Needs are the same thing as any Christian Praising or Begging God for Mercy, made me feel connected, part of something bigger, part of humanity, part of Life, part of the Light. I used to follow around a man named Jason who was then a new friend. He was so very devout, and I wanted to know what was his access point to God. Jason channels a Strange Power. I texted him last night with an unusual newfound exuberant use of the Christian language as my own. "Everyone has emotions and that is our stethoscope to God's heart." 
 
-Nevertheless, I will explain a bit later.  :)
+Anyway, I am writing you because I know you are a Quaker, and I was raised among Friends, and my father was the director of the William Penn House long ago, and I felt a real spiritual connection for the first time in Monteverde Friends Meeting. But I do not feel it now with Quakers. But I want to. So I guess I am writing to ask you what you are doing to feel the Spirit, or would you Zoom with me or Jitsi (which is an alternative method of video gathering.) This is an impulsive Question but I ask it with the purest intent. 
+
+Kindly,
+Maggie Hess
+
+Of course, I will go on and ask other Quakers, I just really wondered what you've been doing?
+
 
 November 20, 2020
 

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 November 21, 2020
 
-I turned a sharp turn away from Christianity so many times, because I feared the harm it can do.  Lately I have been listening to gospel music and wanting to go to church when I can.   I don't need my family to understand my turn towards Jesus anymore.  Most of my friends may think I'm weird to go this way.  But the Love that I feel is of God, and I will not be afraid.  As my African Great Grandmother reminds me, God is a Miracle worker.  We don't need to ask why just to take His gift!
+Message: Dear Jon Watts, I just typed "Devout Quaker" into my youtube search engine but I didn't quite get what I wanted. Yesterday I watched all 6 episodes of the Netflix Docuseries "Voices of Fire" about a gospel choir. Something happened to me while I heard one particular singer belt the word "need". I realized the mainstream Christian language about God and Christ that always used to rub me wrong, is something I actually can relate to since I feel the need for Christ's Love is also the need for any emotional answer. I have a mental health disability, so I have experienced my share of emotion, and I still have wild feelings. Realizing that my Emotional Needs are the same thing as any Christian Praising or Begging God for Mercy, made me feel connected, part of something bigger, part of humanity, part of Life, part of the Light. I used to follow around a man named Jason who was then a new friend. He was so very devout, and I wanted to know what was his access point to God. Jason channels a Strange Power. I texted him last night with an unusual newfound exuberant use of the Christian language as my own. "Everyone has emotions and that is our stethoscope to God's heart." 
 
 Nevertheless, I will explain a bit later.  :)
 

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+November 21, 2020
+
+I turned a sharp turn away from Christianity so many times, because I feared the harm it can do.  Lately I have been listening to gospel music and wanting to go to church when I can.   I don't need my family to understand my turn towards Jesus anymore.  Most of my friends may think I'm weird to go this way.  But the Love that I feel is of God, and I will not be afraid.  As my African Great Grandmother reminds me, God is a Miracle worker.  We don't need to ask why just to take His gift!
+
+Nevertheless, I will explain a bit later.  :)
+
 November 20, 2020
 
 When this pandemic ends, or more specifically as soon as a vaccine is ready in my system, I want to go back to the pool and swim and heal my body of all this time I've been spending on the land.  I want to go to the pool every single day in the future, and I want to swim religiously every day.  Not a specific amount probably, especially at first, because I'm out of shape, but every single day.  If I had enough money to travel, I probably wouldn't.  I'd just opt for the pool in my home town.  There is nothing I can think of that I would rather be doing than swimming laps at the YMCA, feeling my joints and muscles strengthen, in that wonderful way it feels, immersed in water.  

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 When this pandemic ends, or more specifically as soon as a vaccine is ready in my system, I want to go back to the pool and swim and heal my body of all this time I've been spending on the land.  I want to go to the pool every single day in the future, and I want to swim religiously every day.  Not a specific amount probably, especially at first, because I'm out of shape, but every single day.  If I had enough money to travel, I probably wouldn't.  I'd just opt for the pool in my home town.  There is nothing I can think of that I would rather be doing than swimming laps at the YMCA, feeling my joints and muscles strengthen, in that wonderful way it feels, immersed in water.  
 
 
+Jittery, nearer to excitement.
+
+Chilly evening air.
+
+Just to sit up a couple hours
+
+with a little longer hair.
+
+Some see uneventful,
+
+I see silver linings everywhere.
+
+I’ve got my second wind now,
+
+writing poetry about the things I care.  
+
+
 November 19, 2020
 
 I had a lingering mild headache all yesterday that was worse if I moved much.  Now that is over, all I want to do is move.  I think I have been a little depressed and movement is usually the best thing I can do for that.  So I hope to get an aerobic workout in addition to a couple good dog walks today.  Fingers crossed!

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+November 20, 2020
+
+When this pandemic ends, or more specifically as soon as a vaccine is ready in my system, I want to go back to the pool and swim and heal my body of all this time I've been spending on the land.  I want to go to the pool every single day in the future, and I want to swim religiously every day.  Not a specific amount probably, especially at first, because I'm out of shape, but every single day.  If I had enough money to travel, I probably wouldn't.  I'd just opt for the pool in my home town.  There is nothing I can think of that I would rather be doing than swimming laps at the YMCA, feeling my joints and muscles strengthen, in that wonderful way it feels, immersed in water.  
+
+
 November 19, 2020
 
 I had a lingering mild headache all yesterday that was worse if I moved much.  Now that is over, all I want to do is move.  I think I have been a little depressed and movement is usually the best thing I can do for that.  So I hope to get an aerobic workout in addition to a couple good dog walks today.  Fingers crossed!

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index b318e2c..b7cfc3f 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -27,6 +27,9 @@ I had a lingering mild headache all yesterday that was worse if I moved much.  N
 
 Even more exciting, I might get the vaccine very soon since I live in TN and am technically obese!!  
 
+Later this morning, I spoke with my father whose wife  is a teacher of elementary school teachers, asking him if she had read my children's book "The Adventures of Silhouette Man" and wondering what she thought.  She said the language in the book is too grown up for children.  I disagree.  It might not be conventional to expose children to words like "silhouette," "elope," and "conflict transformation," but children understand the meaning of these big terms by looking at the pictures and following the story, which they can do just fine.  A child might come to my book not having heard about conflict transformation but I think that is the very reason it is good they read the book, because it is a way of teaching this great concept to them, or initiating their knowledge of the idea. 
+
+I really am open to criticism, but I do think my book is fit for kids!  I'd love to know what anyone who reads this thinks.
 
 November 18, 2020
 

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index 362f7ab..b318e2c 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -25,6 +25,8 @@ November 19, 2020
 
 I had a lingering mild headache all yesterday that was worse if I moved much.  Now that is over, all I want to do is move.  I think I have been a little depressed and movement is usually the best thing I can do for that.  So I hope to get an aerobic workout in addition to a couple good dog walks today.  Fingers crossed!
 
+Even more exciting, I might get the vaccine very soon since I live in TN and am technically obese!!  
+
 
 November 18, 2020
 

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index 87a62f0..362f7ab 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -20,6 +20,12 @@
 <iframe style="width:120px;height:240px;" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" src="//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?ServiceVersion=20070822&OneJS=1&Operation=GetAdHtml&MarketPlace=US&source=ac&ref=tf_til&ad_type=product_link&tracking_id=author0d7-20&marketplace=amazon&region=US&placement=B07QQTTXP4&asins=B07QQTTXP4&linkId=08d7982313571271579ba819ed9d1b1e&show_border=false&link_opens_in_new_window=false&price_color=333333&title_color=0066c0&bg_color=ffffff">
     </iframe>
 
+
+November 19, 2020
+
+I had a lingering mild headache all yesterday that was worse if I moved much.  Now that is over, all I want to do is move.  I think I have been a little depressed and movement is usually the best thing I can do for that.  So I hope to get an aerobic workout in addition to a couple good dog walks today.  Fingers crossed!
+
+
 November 18, 2020
 
 For lunch I made roast brussels sprouts with walnuts and roasted roots including rutabega, turnips, parsnips, carrots, and onion.  Supper was looking like a terrific pizza would be made by Mom but she made a mistake, turned the eye on that was sitting under the bowl with the rising pizza dough, and half cooked the dough through a heating up bowl.  This did not end up making good pizza, needless to say.  But oddly enough, we ate what came out, anyway, so as not to waste food.  Hopefully we survive the experience as we seem to have, nonetheless. 

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index 088a49c..87a62f0 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -20,6 +20,16 @@
 <iframe style="width:120px;height:240px;" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" src="//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?ServiceVersion=20070822&OneJS=1&Operation=GetAdHtml&MarketPlace=US&source=ac&ref=tf_til&ad_type=product_link&tracking_id=author0d7-20&marketplace=amazon&region=US&placement=B07QQTTXP4&asins=B07QQTTXP4&linkId=08d7982313571271579ba819ed9d1b1e&show_border=false&link_opens_in_new_window=false&price_color=333333&title_color=0066c0&bg_color=ffffff">
     </iframe>
 
+November 18, 2020
+
+For lunch I made roast brussels sprouts with walnuts and roasted roots including rutabega, turnips, parsnips, carrots, and onion.  Supper was looking like a terrific pizza would be made by Mom but she made a mistake, turned the eye on that was sitting under the bowl with the rising pizza dough, and half cooked the dough through a heating up bowl.  This did not end up making good pizza, needless to say.  But oddly enough, we ate what came out, anyway, so as not to waste food.  Hopefully we survive the experience as we seem to have, nonetheless. 
+
+Some neighbors who didn't use to wear masks except to board the school bus, now have them on when they enter their homes.  So I am trying to decode what that means.  A mask convert maybe?  Or what seems more likely, someone might be infected within their home.  If so, here's to a quick recovery and that no one else gets ill.  
+
+In other news, I've been considering posting a picture of our food storage area, which only has enough food for a month at most.  I was inspired by youtubers Art and Bri who posted videos of their food storage which is much more extensive and might last them a year on some things.  They have a whole refrigerator just for tomatoes!  A whole other fridge just for chickens.  
+
+I don't think there is one right way to store food, but I do think it is very interesting to examine how different people do, and learn from what they share about it.  
+
 
 November 17, 2020
 

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index fe6b6f8..088a49c 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -31,6 +31,21 @@ When I heard this I knew it was something I would like to use.  I also knew I wo
 
 But in all seriousness, I think there is something beautiful about using "there is a cake in the refrigerator" to end an argument, because it exemplifies that the people do love each other beyond all else.  And that is all that matters.
 
+I've been nourishing the citrus tree
+
+with coffee grinds and water
+
+thinking somehow 
+
+it extends me,
+
+somehow I am helpless and rooted
+
+waiting for God 
+
+to enrich my soul.  
+
+
 November 16, 2020
 
 Our citrus tree has been most productive the past couple seasons, but we kept leaving the fruit on its branches because it is a strange fruit, and we never thought up a way to use them, in such quantities.  The fruits are small as kumquats and sour as lemons.  It is it's own kind of special root stock, and so we are not sure of what it is.  Yesterday I decided to make marmalade with the fruit plus honey.  The marmalade was wonderful, though very sour, but left a excellent after taste.  I don't have any memory of basting poultry with marmalade, but I wondered if it was possible, knew we had chicken, and a breast of a turkey upcoming for thanksgiving, looked it up, and found it is a thing.  So yesterday, we had marmalade chicken and it was delicious and I would like to do the same thing with our turkey.  I still have about 3/4 a cup of marmalade and enough citrus to make another cup when we are ready for more.  I'm glad I thought of marmalade!  

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index d17cc68..fe6b6f8 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -25,6 +25,12 @@ November 17, 2020
 
 The day after picking so many of its fruit, the citrus tree began a new group of flowers.  Yesterday was colder.  I spent some time on the front porch in the sun, wearing enough layers to be warm.  The sun feels wonderful in times like that.  
 
+Have you ever had a disagreement with someone you love but not either of you were able to break from your point of view for long enough to resolve it?  Sometimes that happens, and sometimes it is hard to move on quick enough to show that your predominant feeling for the other person is love, not animosity.  I was reading Thich Naht Hanh and I got the impression that even monks have occasional arguments.  But they also have something that is a mutual understanding that all they need to do is say "there is cake in the refrigerator" and they know to switch from whatever they were talking about to preparing to eat cake, and so they can put out plates and also a pot for tea, but the thing is, they don't necessarily have cake.  They just mention the cake in the refrigerator to demonstrate a point that they care about each other, regardless of the dispute.  And somehow that works for them as conflict transformation.  
+
+When I heard this I knew it was something I would like to use.  I also knew I would like to make a cake.  So that was a few days ago when I made a maple syrup cake.  And it is since then all been eaten up.
+
+But in all seriousness, I think there is something beautiful about using "there is a cake in the refrigerator" to end an argument, because it exemplifies that the people do love each other beyond all else.  And that is all that matters.
+
 November 16, 2020
 
 Our citrus tree has been most productive the past couple seasons, but we kept leaving the fruit on its branches because it is a strange fruit, and we never thought up a way to use them, in such quantities.  The fruits are small as kumquats and sour as lemons.  It is it's own kind of special root stock, and so we are not sure of what it is.  Yesterday I decided to make marmalade with the fruit plus honey.  The marmalade was wonderful, though very sour, but left a excellent after taste.  I don't have any memory of basting poultry with marmalade, but I wondered if it was possible, knew we had chicken, and a breast of a turkey upcoming for thanksgiving, looked it up, and found it is a thing.  So yesterday, we had marmalade chicken and it was delicious and I would like to do the same thing with our turkey.  I still have about 3/4 a cup of marmalade and enough citrus to make another cup when we are ready for more.  I'm glad I thought of marmalade!  

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index 444268c..d17cc68 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -21,6 +21,10 @@
     </iframe>
 
 
+November 17, 2020
+
+The day after picking so many of its fruit, the citrus tree began a new group of flowers.  Yesterday was colder.  I spent some time on the front porch in the sun, wearing enough layers to be warm.  The sun feels wonderful in times like that.  
+
 November 16, 2020
 
 Our citrus tree has been most productive the past couple seasons, but we kept leaving the fruit on its branches because it is a strange fruit, and we never thought up a way to use them, in such quantities.  The fruits are small as kumquats and sour as lemons.  It is it's own kind of special root stock, and so we are not sure of what it is.  Yesterday I decided to make marmalade with the fruit plus honey.  The marmalade was wonderful, though very sour, but left a excellent after taste.  I don't have any memory of basting poultry with marmalade, but I wondered if it was possible, knew we had chicken, and a breast of a turkey upcoming for thanksgiving, looked it up, and found it is a thing.  So yesterday, we had marmalade chicken and it was delicious and I would like to do the same thing with our turkey.  I still have about 3/4 a cup of marmalade and enough citrus to make another cup when we are ready for more.  I'm glad I thought of marmalade!  

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index 6129036..444268c 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -20,6 +20,13 @@
 <iframe style="width:120px;height:240px;" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" src="//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?ServiceVersion=20070822&OneJS=1&Operation=GetAdHtml&MarketPlace=US&source=ac&ref=tf_til&ad_type=product_link&tracking_id=author0d7-20&marketplace=amazon&region=US&placement=B07QQTTXP4&asins=B07QQTTXP4&linkId=08d7982313571271579ba819ed9d1b1e&show_border=false&link_opens_in_new_window=false&price_color=333333&title_color=0066c0&bg_color=ffffff">
     </iframe>
 
+
+November 16, 2020
+
+Our citrus tree has been most productive the past couple seasons, but we kept leaving the fruit on its branches because it is a strange fruit, and we never thought up a way to use them, in such quantities.  The fruits are small as kumquats and sour as lemons.  It is it's own kind of special root stock, and so we are not sure of what it is.  Yesterday I decided to make marmalade with the fruit plus honey.  The marmalade was wonderful, though very sour, but left a excellent after taste.  I don't have any memory of basting poultry with marmalade, but I wondered if it was possible, knew we had chicken, and a breast of a turkey upcoming for thanksgiving, looked it up, and found it is a thing.  So yesterday, we had marmalade chicken and it was delicious and I would like to do the same thing with our turkey.  I still have about 3/4 a cup of marmalade and enough citrus to make another cup when we are ready for more.  I'm glad I thought of marmalade!  
+
+
+
 November 15, 2020
 
 I feel I am still in a bit of a lower energy time, which is actually ok by me because it is a great time to rest.  I have been doing the beginning of a meditation series that is available on Audible with 21 daily meditations.  My main intention in doing that series is so I can learn new techniques for meditating.  I always am keen on learning new meditation techniques, which is one main reason I used to meditate with H before the pandemic.  H always had new ideas useful for my meditation practice that I was glad I could return to and use later.  But I generally don't like more than just a handful of them enough to take them into my personal practice.  My favorite meditation technique was always metta meditation, but I needed some basic breath focus to compliment that.  The audio book reminded me of a technique of breathing where you count to 4 as you breath in, out, and pause after the out breath.  I enjoy doing that and do feel it improves my energy when I do it.  

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index 471c4c6..6129036 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -28,6 +28,10 @@ I am falling back into bad habits with putting off cleaning.  So I hope to do mo
 
 
 
+
+[[!img 20201115_080425.jpg align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]
+
+
 November 14, 2020
 
 Yesterday was not especially exciting.  I did laundry and made a few special dishes for lunch.  Candied yams with honey, roasted broccoli with sunflower kernels, stuffed green peppers.  Mom says my food is especially greasy, and I did use a bit more olive oil than is probably advisable.  For supper I made potato cakes and we opened a can of pineapple, which is one of my favorite things.  One day of quarantine down, 13 to go before Thanksgiving.  I don't really get bored too much.  I kind of enjoy spending a lot of time at home.  But I Yam looking forward to Thanksgiving and the Vaccine which seems near, but I am not certain which people group I am part of and therefore I don't know with certainty if I will be included in the 2nd, 3rd, or 4th group of people getting the vaccine, which could be a big difference.  Someone on NPR yesterday was talking about how the order of receiving the vaccine could possibly be contentious and lead to a lot of discord in the coming months.  Sounds sad and confusing.  Hope it doesn't come to a giant mass conflict, like the commentator suggests.  
@@ -950,4 +954,3 @@ At least I am healthy and safe.  At least I can sit on my porch and be 6 feet fr
 
 
 
-

attachment upload
diff --git a/20201115_080425.jpg b/20201115_080425.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..af11359
Binary files /dev/null and b/20201115_080425.jpg differ

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index 7387b2c..471c4c6 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -20,6 +20,13 @@
 <iframe style="width:120px;height:240px;" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" src="//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?ServiceVersion=20070822&OneJS=1&Operation=GetAdHtml&MarketPlace=US&source=ac&ref=tf_til&ad_type=product_link&tracking_id=author0d7-20&marketplace=amazon&region=US&placement=B07QQTTXP4&asins=B07QQTTXP4&linkId=08d7982313571271579ba819ed9d1b1e&show_border=false&link_opens_in_new_window=false&price_color=333333&title_color=0066c0&bg_color=ffffff">
     </iframe>
 
+November 15, 2020
+
+I feel I am still in a bit of a lower energy time, which is actually ok by me because it is a great time to rest.  I have been doing the beginning of a meditation series that is available on Audible with 21 daily meditations.  My main intention in doing that series is so I can learn new techniques for meditating.  I always am keen on learning new meditation techniques, which is one main reason I used to meditate with H before the pandemic.  H always had new ideas useful for my meditation practice that I was glad I could return to and use later.  But I generally don't like more than just a handful of them enough to take them into my personal practice.  My favorite meditation technique was always metta meditation, but I needed some basic breath focus to compliment that.  The audio book reminded me of a technique of breathing where you count to 4 as you breath in, out, and pause after the out breath.  I enjoy doing that and do feel it improves my energy when I do it.  
+
+I am falling back into bad habits with putting off cleaning.  So I hope to do more of it soon!  E wrote me with pictures from her house and wondered if I wanted to share images of self improvement via home cleaning.  I think I might!
+
+
 
 November 14, 2020
 

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index ac964b6..7387b2c 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -20,6 +20,11 @@
 <iframe style="width:120px;height:240px;" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" src="//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?ServiceVersion=20070822&OneJS=1&Operation=GetAdHtml&MarketPlace=US&source=ac&ref=tf_til&ad_type=product_link&tracking_id=author0d7-20&marketplace=amazon&region=US&placement=B07QQTTXP4&asins=B07QQTTXP4&linkId=08d7982313571271579ba819ed9d1b1e&show_border=false&link_opens_in_new_window=false&price_color=333333&title_color=0066c0&bg_color=ffffff">
     </iframe>
 
+
+November 14, 2020
+
+Yesterday was not especially exciting.  I did laundry and made a few special dishes for lunch.  Candied yams with honey, roasted broccoli with sunflower kernels, stuffed green peppers.  Mom says my food is especially greasy, and I did use a bit more olive oil than is probably advisable.  For supper I made potato cakes and we opened a can of pineapple, which is one of my favorite things.  One day of quarantine down, 13 to go before Thanksgiving.  I don't really get bored too much.  I kind of enjoy spending a lot of time at home.  But I Yam looking forward to Thanksgiving and the Vaccine which seems near, but I am not certain which people group I am part of and therefore I don't know with certainty if I will be included in the 2nd, 3rd, or 4th group of people getting the vaccine, which could be a big difference.  Someone on NPR yesterday was talking about how the order of receiving the vaccine could possibly be contentious and lead to a lot of discord in the coming months.  Sounds sad and confusing.  Hope it doesn't come to a giant mass conflict, like the commentator suggests.  
+
 Friday the 13th, 2020
 
 Yesterday, we picked up groceries for our quarantine twice because we were low on eggs, so we made a second order for 7PM which seemed like a good idea, until we got to 7PM exhausted from a long day.  Then I had to go to the store 2 times at 7PM because the first time I went too early and was told I didn't have an order, and went home, found out I did actually have an order, just was too early, so went back.  It feels so good to be rested.  Also, pretty privileged considering what many people have as a long day compared to mine, since I don't have to work and many essential workers and healthcare workers must feel much worse.  

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index 10b4cb7..ac964b6 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -20,6 +20,19 @@
 <iframe style="width:120px;height:240px;" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" src="//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?ServiceVersion=20070822&OneJS=1&Operation=GetAdHtml&MarketPlace=US&source=ac&ref=tf_til&ad_type=product_link&tracking_id=author0d7-20&marketplace=amazon&region=US&placement=B07QQTTXP4&asins=B07QQTTXP4&linkId=08d7982313571271579ba819ed9d1b1e&show_border=false&link_opens_in_new_window=false&price_color=333333&title_color=0066c0&bg_color=ffffff">
     </iframe>
 
+Friday the 13th, 2020
+
+Yesterday, we picked up groceries for our quarantine twice because we were low on eggs, so we made a second order for 7PM which seemed like a good idea, until we got to 7PM exhausted from a long day.  Then I had to go to the store 2 times at 7PM because the first time I went too early and was told I didn't have an order, and went home, found out I did actually have an order, just was too early, so went back.  It feels so good to be rested.  Also, pretty privileged considering what many people have as a long day compared to mine, since I don't have to work and many essential workers and healthcare workers must feel much worse.  
+
+Last night, after all that, I thought I heard the vaccum in the other room and called out about it, but it was my own bipap machine making the sound.  I was half asleep and look back at that with humor.  
+
+Our christmas cactus is blooming a beautiful magenta, and a different cactus, maybe called thanksgiving cactus has white blooms concurrently.  Very pretty plants.  
+
+Feeling more energized today.  
+
+
+
+
 November 12 2020
 
 There is a cake in the refrigerator.

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index a04eebc..10b4cb7 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -22,6 +22,31 @@
 
 November 12 2020
 
+There is a cake in the refrigerator.
+
+Though I might be mad at you,
+
+I always will care about you.
+
+I say this for my kind neighbor,
+
+And the neighbor I’d wished would move.
+
+I mean that towards the politician I voted for,
+
+And the politician I vigilled against.
+
+For the families who really seem to care,
+
+And the families who don’t wear masks.
+
+For my best friend,
+
+And my worst enemy.
+
+There is a cake in the refrigerator.  
+
+
 We begin our quarantine so we can visit with my brother for Thanksgiving tomorrow.  So I have to go get a walmart order here in a minute, for groceries.  Life is pretty good, but feeling kind of exhausted today, and did yesterday too.  Actually went back to bed for an extra hour.  Part of it is because my bipap machine is still giving me bad abdominal gas as the night progresses, which means I take it off part way through the night, which means I am not getting its wonderful energizing benefit for that portion of the night.  It would be incredible to be able to sleep all the way through the night without that pain.  
 
 Haven't felt I had enough breath lately.  I got to sit out on the front porch for a while in the cool air though, and that was good.  Wearing a new wonderful hoodie that Mom got for me, with pockets and pretty colors along with mostly being grey.  

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index a9cb5aa..a04eebc 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -20,6 +20,19 @@
 <iframe style="width:120px;height:240px;" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" src="//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?ServiceVersion=20070822&OneJS=1&Operation=GetAdHtml&MarketPlace=US&source=ac&ref=tf_til&ad_type=product_link&tracking_id=author0d7-20&marketplace=amazon&region=US&placement=B07QQTTXP4&asins=B07QQTTXP4&linkId=08d7982313571271579ba819ed9d1b1e&show_border=false&link_opens_in_new_window=false&price_color=333333&title_color=0066c0&bg_color=ffffff">
     </iframe>
 
+November 12 2020
+
+We begin our quarantine so we can visit with my brother for Thanksgiving tomorrow.  So I have to go get a walmart order here in a minute, for groceries.  Life is pretty good, but feeling kind of exhausted today, and did yesterday too.  Actually went back to bed for an extra hour.  Part of it is because my bipap machine is still giving me bad abdominal gas as the night progresses, which means I take it off part way through the night, which means I am not getting its wonderful energizing benefit for that portion of the night.  It would be incredible to be able to sleep all the way through the night without that pain.  
+
+Haven't felt I had enough breath lately.  I got to sit out on the front porch for a while in the cool air though, and that was good.  Wearing a new wonderful hoodie that Mom got for me, with pockets and pretty colors along with mostly being grey.  
+
+I made a maple cake yesterday with 2 cups of maple syrup.  I have never added so much sweetener in a cake!  
+
+The vaccine is coming!  The vaccine is coming!
+
+
+
+
 November 11, 2020
 
 Thank you chicken.

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index e1bbdaa..a9cb5aa 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -23,16 +23,27 @@
 November 11, 2020
 
 Thank you chicken.
+
 This egg was yours first.
+
 So thank you.  
+
 Thank you farmer for gathering and washing this egg.
+
 Thank you warehouse and truck workers.
+
 Thank you grocery store workers.
+
 Thank you me for having the money and resources it took.
+
 Thank you chicken.  
+
 Thank you water and field that nourished the chicken.
+
 Thank you air and sun.
+
 With each morsel may I find energy for my day.
+
 With every bite, let my intention be worthy of you.  
 
 

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index 6884d89..e1bbdaa 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -20,6 +20,22 @@
 <iframe style="width:120px;height:240px;" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" src="//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?ServiceVersion=20070822&OneJS=1&Operation=GetAdHtml&MarketPlace=US&source=ac&ref=tf_til&ad_type=product_link&tracking_id=author0d7-20&marketplace=amazon&region=US&placement=B07QQTTXP4&asins=B07QQTTXP4&linkId=08d7982313571271579ba819ed9d1b1e&show_border=false&link_opens_in_new_window=false&price_color=333333&title_color=0066c0&bg_color=ffffff">
     </iframe>
 
+November 11, 2020
+
+Thank you chicken.
+This egg was yours first.
+So thank you.  
+Thank you farmer for gathering and washing this egg.
+Thank you warehouse and truck workers.
+Thank you grocery store workers.
+Thank you me for having the money and resources it took.
+Thank you chicken.  
+Thank you water and field that nourished the chicken.
+Thank you air and sun.
+With each morsel may I find energy for my day.
+With every bite, let my intention be worthy of you.  
+
+
 November 10, 2020
 
 Morning

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index d9cc5bf..6884d89 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -22,13 +22,25 @@
 
 November 10, 2020
 
+Morning
+
 Wanting to try writing in here every single day, but of course I missed one.  Got to meditate in the cemetery this AM with Josh.  Very grounding to sit upon the Earth and think good thoughts.  Google seems to have been down just a bit ago.  Tried to check email but couldn't.  Life is made up of humdrum and fascinating.  Some everyday details can be interesting to others though, so I am writing about everything.  Getting behind in cleaning my space.  Much intending to improve and tidy.  Adding a 3rd or 4th layer in my current art project.  But the 3rd layer made one of the pictures not as good, so I am glad I photo between layers.  Getting there.  Made the backgrounds orange.  Plan to turn it into a field of marigolds for all of them to make a dia de los muertos sort of theme, for my next children's book about the fact I don't think there's an afterlife.  If I publish that one.  I'm still not decided.  Want to produce quality stuff and not sure this will make the cut.  2 people today have warned me February is going to spike with covid.  Ordered 6 packs of disposable masks with my healthcare company, for free.  Plan to share.  If you are my friend I'll give you some!  Even if you just know me.  :)  The leaves are pretty out the window.  Our backyard trees are some of the rare trees that cling this late to their leaves.  Beautiful mulberry.
 
 I am really starting to believe more deeply in wearing masks.  I already personally was good about it, but I allowed others to get by with not being mindful.  Now seeing people being careless really turns me off majorly.  A friend of mine knows a lot of health care workers and he told me that our hospitals are having to prioritize young people for hospital beds, while they send older people to assisted care, as if they were less important.  I am trying to be mindful, but this enrages me.  It is so wrong that our aging population would not be deemed as important.  I mean my Mom agrees that technically a young person has more life to live.  But we don't have to act with this sort of desperation.  If people only would just wear masks.  We could prevent this peek that is coming, and the terrible death that comes with it.  Reducing this pandemic to something little would be so simple if only people would wear masks.  I just wish folks placed more value on human life.  It's miserable when people don't care.
 
 We went to the beautiful road where Mom and I walk our dog.  I sat on a rock with Brazen.  She is a cairn terrier and it was a cairn.  There was so much life on those rocks, lush mosses, ferns, and layers of other plants.  One interesting plant lined several rocks, I thought it was called penny wort, but that is something else.  
 
+Evening
+
+I wanted to share how my art is progressing.  Some of these might not be as good as they were with just layer one.  Some of them got worse with layer 3, but better with layer 4.  I am not sure though, I still might add layer 5 and 6.  But I wanted to share my work.  
 
+[[!img DSCF6122.JPG align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]
+[[!img DSCF6121.JPG align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]
+[[!img DSCF6119.JPG align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]
+[[!img DSCF6118.JPG align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]
+[[!img DSCF6117.JPG align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]
+[[!img DSCF6116.JPG align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]
+[[!img DSCF6115.JPG align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]
 
 November 8, 2020
 
@@ -846,3 +858,6 @@ At least I am healthy and safe.  At least I can sit on my porch and be 6 feet fr
 
 
 
+
+
+

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diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index 15590a6..d9cc5bf 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -26,6 +26,10 @@ Wanting to try writing in here every single day, but of course I missed one.  Go
 
 I am really starting to believe more deeply in wearing masks.  I already personally was good about it, but I allowed others to get by with not being mindful.  Now seeing people being careless really turns me off majorly.  A friend of mine knows a lot of health care workers and he told me that our hospitals are having to prioritize young people for hospital beds, while they send older people to assisted care, as if they were less important.  I am trying to be mindful, but this enrages me.  It is so wrong that our aging population would not be deemed as important.  I mean my Mom agrees that technically a young person has more life to live.  But we don't have to act with this sort of desperation.  If people only would just wear masks.  We could prevent this peek that is coming, and the terrible death that comes with it.  Reducing this pandemic to something little would be so simple if only people would wear masks.  I just wish folks placed more value on human life.  It's miserable when people don't care.
 
+We went to the beautiful road where Mom and I walk our dog.  I sat on a rock with Brazen.  She is a cairn terrier and it was a cairn.  There was so much life on those rocks, lush mosses, ferns, and layers of other plants.  One interesting plant lined several rocks, I thought it was called penny wort, but that is something else.  
+
+
+
 November 8, 2020
 
 I made a list of things I would like to do when I get the covid vaccine.  Swim at the gym, get a haircut, get my teeth cleaned are among them.  But more recently, I have started to think I might take one additional day of aloneness, to establish some new ideas about myself in the public sphere. 

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index 1dc1045..15590a6 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -24,6 +24,7 @@ November 10, 2020
 
 Wanting to try writing in here every single day, but of course I missed one.  Got to meditate in the cemetery this AM with Josh.  Very grounding to sit upon the Earth and think good thoughts.  Google seems to have been down just a bit ago.  Tried to check email but couldn't.  Life is made up of humdrum and fascinating.  Some everyday details can be interesting to others though, so I am writing about everything.  Getting behind in cleaning my space.  Much intending to improve and tidy.  Adding a 3rd or 4th layer in my current art project.  But the 3rd layer made one of the pictures not as good, so I am glad I photo between layers.  Getting there.  Made the backgrounds orange.  Plan to turn it into a field of marigolds for all of them to make a dia de los muertos sort of theme, for my next children's book about the fact I don't think there's an afterlife.  If I publish that one.  I'm still not decided.  Want to produce quality stuff and not sure this will make the cut.  2 people today have warned me February is going to spike with covid.  Ordered 6 packs of disposable masks with my healthcare company, for free.  Plan to share.  If you are my friend I'll give you some!  Even if you just know me.  :)  The leaves are pretty out the window.  Our backyard trees are some of the rare trees that cling this late to their leaves.  Beautiful mulberry.
 
+I am really starting to believe more deeply in wearing masks.  I already personally was good about it, but I allowed others to get by with not being mindful.  Now seeing people being careless really turns me off majorly.  A friend of mine knows a lot of health care workers and he told me that our hospitals are having to prioritize young people for hospital beds, while they send older people to assisted care, as if they were less important.  I am trying to be mindful, but this enrages me.  It is so wrong that our aging population would not be deemed as important.  I mean my Mom agrees that technically a young person has more life to live.  But we don't have to act with this sort of desperation.  If people only would just wear masks.  We could prevent this peek that is coming, and the terrible death that comes with it.  Reducing this pandemic to something little would be so simple if only people would wear masks.  I just wish folks placed more value on human life.  It's miserable when people don't care.
 
 November 8, 2020
 

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index 21a420c..1dc1045 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -20,6 +20,11 @@
 <iframe style="width:120px;height:240px;" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" src="//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?ServiceVersion=20070822&OneJS=1&Operation=GetAdHtml&MarketPlace=US&source=ac&ref=tf_til&ad_type=product_link&tracking_id=author0d7-20&marketplace=amazon&region=US&placement=B07QQTTXP4&asins=B07QQTTXP4&linkId=08d7982313571271579ba819ed9d1b1e&show_border=false&link_opens_in_new_window=false&price_color=333333&title_color=0066c0&bg_color=ffffff">
     </iframe>
 
+November 10, 2020
+
+Wanting to try writing in here every single day, but of course I missed one.  Got to meditate in the cemetery this AM with Josh.  Very grounding to sit upon the Earth and think good thoughts.  Google seems to have been down just a bit ago.  Tried to check email but couldn't.  Life is made up of humdrum and fascinating.  Some everyday details can be interesting to others though, so I am writing about everything.  Getting behind in cleaning my space.  Much intending to improve and tidy.  Adding a 3rd or 4th layer in my current art project.  But the 3rd layer made one of the pictures not as good, so I am glad I photo between layers.  Getting there.  Made the backgrounds orange.  Plan to turn it into a field of marigolds for all of them to make a dia de los muertos sort of theme, for my next children's book about the fact I don't think there's an afterlife.  If I publish that one.  I'm still not decided.  Want to produce quality stuff and not sure this will make the cut.  2 people today have warned me February is going to spike with covid.  Ordered 6 packs of disposable masks with my healthcare company, for free.  Plan to share.  If you are my friend I'll give you some!  Even if you just know me.  :)  The leaves are pretty out the window.  Our backyard trees are some of the rare trees that cling this late to their leaves.  Beautiful mulberry.
+
+
 November 8, 2020
 
 I made a list of things I would like to do when I get the covid vaccine.  Swim at the gym, get a haircut, get my teeth cleaned are among them.  But more recently, I have started to think I might take one additional day of aloneness, to establish some new ideas about myself in the public sphere. 

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index 216982f..21a420c 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -20,6 +20,18 @@
 <iframe style="width:120px;height:240px;" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" src="//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?ServiceVersion=20070822&OneJS=1&Operation=GetAdHtml&MarketPlace=US&source=ac&ref=tf_til&ad_type=product_link&tracking_id=author0d7-20&marketplace=amazon&region=US&placement=B07QQTTXP4&asins=B07QQTTXP4&linkId=08d7982313571271579ba819ed9d1b1e&show_border=false&link_opens_in_new_window=false&price_color=333333&title_color=0066c0&bg_color=ffffff">
     </iframe>
 
+November 8, 2020
+
+I made a list of things I would like to do when I get the covid vaccine.  Swim at the gym, get a haircut, get my teeth cleaned are among them.  But more recently, I have started to think I might take one additional day of aloneness, to establish some new ideas about myself in the public sphere. 
+
+Socially, I had some habits, before the pandemic that actually improved with the social distancing.  I would allow myself to pour out my energies for people who do not really matter.  I miss acquaintances and care about having them, but I did things where I let them matter too much to me before the pandemic, and I would like to take one extra day to clearly decide how to be in this new world.  I don't want to come out on the other side of all this the same, I would like to reenter society improved.  
+
+So for me, it means my relationship with homeless people, with waiters and waitresses, with people at the YMCA will be different.  I am evaluating what I mean by this and acting accordingly.  
+
+I wasn't born doing everything perfect and I still haven't figured out exactly the best way to be, but I am learning.  I am on my way.  
+
+
+
 
 
 LATER on Nov 7

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index 3c4653e..216982f 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -21,11 +21,17 @@
     </iframe>
 
 
+
 LATER on Nov 7
 
+
+
+
 Just realize I am actually illustrating another children's book.  It doesn't have to be a big gathered painting, just different pages of a children's book!  :)
 
 
+If my book was a puzzle too...!!!...
+
 November 7, 2020
 
 My art is a puzzle I quilt together.  I added the blue second layer, then an orange background.  I feel I am no where near done, just barely started, and it will take a long time to finish.  I made four pieces of art with the orange as the center, and am making it marigold themed.  I might use some marigolds from outside, glue them on, but I am not sure if they'll age well.  Marigolds represent Dia de los Muertos to me.  Getting in touch with ancestors who've passed away.   I want my art to come together.  To be a collected piece that works and is beautiful.  I am not sure if it currently is what I hope for.  It was easier when I just slap dash made art without thinking hard about perfection.  

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index 22a7288..3c4653e 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -21,6 +21,10 @@
     </iframe>
 
 
+LATER on Nov 7
+
+Just realize I am actually illustrating another children's book.  It doesn't have to be a big gathered painting, just different pages of a children's book!  :)
+
 
 November 7, 2020
 

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index 3594459..22a7288 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -24,7 +24,9 @@
 
 November 7, 2020
 
-My art is a puzzle I quilt together.  I added the blue second layer, then an orange background.  I feel I am no where near done, just barely started, and it will take a long time to finish.  I made four pieces of art with the orange as the center, and am making it marigold themed.  I might use some marigolds from outside, glue them on, but I am not sure if they'll age well.  Marigolds represent Dia de los Muertos to me.  Getting in touch with ancestors who've passed away.   I want my art to come together.  To be a collected piece that works and is beautiful.  I am not sure if it currently is what I hope for.  It was easier when I just slap dash made art without thinking hard about perfection.  That book Art and Fear is my guide through these questions.  I always knew trying to produce quantitative art was more beneficial to the art than qualitative.  It's a fact that might seem counterintuitive to some.  Students were asked to produce artwork in 2 groups, one that was just supposed to focus on making a lot of art and one that was trying to make great art.  The art was juried and all of the best art came from the students focused on making more art, quantity beats quality in art each time, when striving for quality, ironically.  I know this and I have known it for a long time.  I do work as a Contemplative Writing RA and this truth carries through over into the writing.  Of course, writing is art.  Anyway, I guess the moral of the story is I used to make fearless art, until I decided to implement some applied hesitation intentionally so that my art would improve.  The main point is if this current works fails, with the added layers, I might do much better next time, so keep on with the drive for quantity!
+My art is a puzzle I quilt together.  I added the blue second layer, then an orange background.  I feel I am no where near done, just barely started, and it will take a long time to finish.  I made four pieces of art with the orange as the center, and am making it marigold themed.  I might use some marigolds from outside, glue them on, but I am not sure if they'll age well.  Marigolds represent Dia de los Muertos to me.  Getting in touch with ancestors who've passed away.   I want my art to come together.  To be a collected piece that works and is beautiful.  I am not sure if it currently is what I hope for.  It was easier when I just slap dash made art without thinking hard about perfection.  
+
+That book Art and Fear is my guide through these questions.  I always knew trying to produce quantitative art was more beneficial to the art than qualitative.  It's a fact that might seem counterintuitive to some.  Students were asked to produce artwork in 2 groups, one that was just supposed to focus on making a lot of art and one that was trying to make great art.  The art was juried and all of the best art came from the students focused on making more art, quantity beats quality in art each time, when striving for quality, ironically.  I know this and I have known it for a long time.  I do work as a Contemplative Writing RA and this truth carries through over into the writing.  Of course, writing is art.  Anyway, I guess the moral of the story is I used to make fearless art, until I decided to implement some applied hesitation intentionally so that my art would improve.  The main point is if this current works fails, with the added layers, I might do much better next time, so keep on with the drive for quantity!
 
 
 

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index 0c5eead..3594459 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -21,6 +21,14 @@
     </iframe>
 
 
+
+November 7, 2020
+
+My art is a puzzle I quilt together.  I added the blue second layer, then an orange background.  I feel I am no where near done, just barely started, and it will take a long time to finish.  I made four pieces of art with the orange as the center, and am making it marigold themed.  I might use some marigolds from outside, glue them on, but I am not sure if they'll age well.  Marigolds represent Dia de los Muertos to me.  Getting in touch with ancestors who've passed away.   I want my art to come together.  To be a collected piece that works and is beautiful.  I am not sure if it currently is what I hope for.  It was easier when I just slap dash made art without thinking hard about perfection.  That book Art and Fear is my guide through these questions.  I always knew trying to produce quantitative art was more beneficial to the art than qualitative.  It's a fact that might seem counterintuitive to some.  Students were asked to produce artwork in 2 groups, one that was just supposed to focus on making a lot of art and one that was trying to make great art.  The art was juried and all of the best art came from the students focused on making more art, quantity beats quality in art each time, when striving for quality, ironically.  I know this and I have known it for a long time.  I do work as a Contemplative Writing RA and this truth carries through over into the writing.  Of course, writing is art.  Anyway, I guess the moral of the story is I used to make fearless art, until I decided to implement some applied hesitation intentionally so that my art would improve.  The main point is if this current works fails, with the added layers, I might do much better next time, so keep on with the drive for quantity!
+
+
+
+
 November 6, 2020
 
 Progress report...  

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index 9d21742..0c5eead 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -20,6 +20,23 @@
 <iframe style="width:120px;height:240px;" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" src="//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?ServiceVersion=20070822&OneJS=1&Operation=GetAdHtml&MarketPlace=US&source=ac&ref=tf_til&ad_type=product_link&tracking_id=author0d7-20&marketplace=amazon&region=US&placement=B07QQTTXP4&asins=B07QQTTXP4&linkId=08d7982313571271579ba819ed9d1b1e&show_border=false&link_opens_in_new_window=false&price_color=333333&title_color=0066c0&bg_color=ffffff">
     </iframe>
 
+
+November 6, 2020
+
+Progress report...  
+
+Looks like The Young Turks already called it for Biden.  I almost believed it was official, since my primary news source is generally not mainstream.  But then I double checked and it hadn't been made official by the MSM, which means we still have to wait a little.  I did manage to call 2 friends and tell the mailman, who was excited for the Biden presidency, like me.  Biden strikes me as a level headed gent.  He is no where near as progressive as I want him to be, but I am really excited to have a new person in the white house, at least.  A change will be good for sure.  We can collectively begin to repair the damage that has been done over the last 4 years.  But it is going to take a long time before all of his political havoc mends.  At least we got this long, and still have some integrity.  ie He didn't kill us all - yet.  
+
+My art is coming along well.  I realized if I do the background second layer in a common color, I can put all the pieces next to one another, and they have a collective feel.  So I am considering making a much larger painting, by gluing them all together.  Feel free to check out my recent art video on youtube, under Maggie Hess.  Just type in my name and art and it should come up.  
+
+I was feeling happy this morning.  Very happy.  But by noontime, I got overwhelmed for a while.  I just probably needed to meditate in my chair inside, and felt good when I finally made it there.  
+
+We got a giant grocery order today, complete with turkey (now frozen), kombucha, and rutabagas.  So something for everybody.  I have been so used to getting additional food stamps money, the 200 dollars everyone is getting for the pandemic, instead of my usual 15 dollars.  What I got at Kroger would have been half as expensive at Walmart and they made me go inside to pay, which upset me.  There was one maskless man walking too close to me.  
+
+If you are reading this, take note of your breath.  Notice its quality without changing the breath flow.  I used to have a lot of trouble doing that.  But somehow, today I finally did it for what seemed like the first time.  Might have something to do with my respiratory condition.  I don't know.  But today I was able to notice my breath without changing the flow.  
+
+
+
 November 5, 2020
 
 Feather, Bone, Dust, Bird.  

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index 411e6ce..9d21742 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -22,6 +22,10 @@
 
 November 5, 2020
 
+Feather, Bone, Dust, Bird.  
+
+[[!img 20201105_143534___40__1__41__.jpg align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]
+
 Dear Jason,
 
 I wanted to share something with you about what I really believe, because when I tried before, I never got to the truth about it.  I have heard you talk about your religious beliefs, trying to understand and even adapt to those thoughts, when it was not really compatible, mostly because I love you.  But it does no justice for a person not to be truthful when we talk about these things.  So I have had a little time to look down at my feet, knowing what I know is true.  
@@ -780,3 +784,6 @@ At least I am healthy and safe.  At least I can sit on my porch and be 6 feet fr
     </iframe>
 
 
+
+
+

attachment upload
diff --git a/20201105_143534___40__1__41__.jpg b/20201105_143534___40__1__41__.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..6787068
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diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index ebf2754..411e6ce 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -20,6 +20,28 @@
 <iframe style="width:120px;height:240px;" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" src="//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?ServiceVersion=20070822&OneJS=1&Operation=GetAdHtml&MarketPlace=US&source=ac&ref=tf_til&ad_type=product_link&tracking_id=author0d7-20&marketplace=amazon&region=US&placement=B07QQTTXP4&asins=B07QQTTXP4&linkId=08d7982313571271579ba819ed9d1b1e&show_border=false&link_opens_in_new_window=false&price_color=333333&title_color=0066c0&bg_color=ffffff">
     </iframe>
 
+November 5, 2020
+
+Dear Jason,
+
+I wanted to share something with you about what I really believe, because when I tried before, I never got to the truth about it.  I have heard you talk about your religious beliefs, trying to understand and even adapt to those thoughts, when it was not really compatible, mostly because I love you.  But it does no justice for a person not to be truthful when we talk about these things.  So I have had a little time to look down at my feet, knowing what I know is true.  
+
+I have always believed myself to be a Quaker, but nothing in that religion ever told me what I thought about important matters, though sometimes I thought Quaker beliefs were really important, I also agreed there are not an agreed upon book of beliefs among Quakers.  The truth is, I feel Quaker because it is a place where I saw people I felt were like me, and felt the most fellowship with those people.  But they never told me to believe anything.  That was always up to me.  
+
+The real truth about what I believe is that there is no afterlife.  I believe in life after, even that your life will extend out after you die.  But I do not believe in afterlife as you or others might define it.  I know that is hard for many to swallow, but I don’t.  But because I don’t believe in an afterlife, it gives me this other option, which for me drives my life as far as I know it, and guides me to be as good and compassionate as I know to be.  It is very beautiful, life without afterlife, because it is what we have here.  It means we here are all we have and our love for each other is all that we have.  And in that it shows how fragile and beautiful life is.  How important life is.  
+
+I know you love your belief in after life.  I am not sure if I would try to change your belief, because I know how important belief in after life is for people, especially around the death of a loved one, it can be very comforting to know they are in a better place.  I just know it isn’t as far as I know a real fact, truth, or certainty.  And I wonder if hearing my thoughts, they seem stark and harsh, because to think I am over one third of the way done with life is not always an easy thing to hear.  To not believe in afterlife brings more real to us the impermanence of life.  We begin to see everything as finite, not infinite.  But I love you, and somehow I feel knowing my truth about me, will help you, even if it seems bleak or a sad way to think.  
+
+The funny thing is, as I grow older, the most beautiful things in my eyes are of my belief in no afterlife.  My belief in no afterlife has reconfigured how I imagine everything.  First of all, it feels very likely and real, and seems very likely to be a factual truth.  But much deeper than that, I see life as it really is.  I see the cycles of living and dying in the beauty they have.  In fall, this season, I see trees uncloaking their branches, and leaves perish and nourish the Earth beneath them.  I know it is hard to lose other humans that we love, but I find comfort in knowing their bodies and lives with certainty are passing on in many forms.  The dust of their bones may become butterflies.  But with no doubt, their legacy of love flows forward in everyone they had touched.  To me the legacy of love and the impact we make, big and small, in the ones around us is vastly more important than anything you ever told me about your afterlife belief.  I don’t mean that negatively or to be mean, I just am talking about me and my beliefs and my reasons I do not believe afterlife is true, because love in life and there here and now is so so true and significant.  
+
+You have been a great friend to me, and as we may reconnect soon, I want to establish these truths as mine, so we can have a more truthful friendship.  I would like to share these words again, in another form, to republish them, elsewhere, since I am finally realizing the importance for me to talk about this.  I hope that is ok.  I think I might be putting these words along side new art in a new children’s book very soon actually, and I would like to keep it framed as a letter.
+
+Anyway, thanks for being so great!
+
+Yours,
+Maggie
+
+
 
 November 4, 2020
 

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index 512b270..ebf2754 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -23,6 +23,17 @@
 
 November 4, 2020
 
+Later today after the below entry, I did go and add a second layer to 2 more pieces.  Here they are.
+
+Unfinished A.  
+
+[[!img 20201104_105806.jpg align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]
+
+Unfinished B. 
+
+[[!img DSCF6089.JPG align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]
+
+
 Cleaning is useful for one additional thing that I didn't mention yesterday.  You find things when you clean!  Yesterday I found my address book, so I got to contact some people I had been meaning to.  Equally cool, or better even, I found a book in a pile of books I must have got in a book sale that already on the second chapter seems to be a book that is going to transform my art and possibly my life.  The book "Art and Fear" is both easy, scholarly, and contemplative which is a favored combination.  I have this new approach to art already.  The book didn't say "do these five things differently" but reading it is making me think about art entirely differently.  The thesis of the book seems to be about the emotion it takes in the artistic process and the role especially of fear in artwork.  As it happens, I think my approach to art has been overtly fearless, but also unusually halfhazard to the point that my art could use a little more hesitation, added time that often comes with fear, and generally more consideration.  So amazed, I have started painting a second layer upon my little original slaps of paint.  So in future entries you are going to see as I add a second layer to paintings you have already seen, and even a third and a fourth layer.  I have worked on 2 so far, and I would share them, but I want to add more intention to them, yet.  So I am going to wait to share them.  I am eager to see where this transformation gets me and my art!
 
 November 3, 2020

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+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -21,6 +21,10 @@
     </iframe>
 
 
+November 4, 2020
+
+Cleaning is useful for one additional thing that I didn't mention yesterday.  You find things when you clean!  Yesterday I found my address book, so I got to contact some people I had been meaning to.  Equally cool, or better even, I found a book in a pile of books I must have got in a book sale that already on the second chapter seems to be a book that is going to transform my art and possibly my life.  The book "Art and Fear" is both easy, scholarly, and contemplative which is a favored combination.  I have this new approach to art already.  The book didn't say "do these five things differently" but reading it is making me think about art entirely differently.  The thesis of the book seems to be about the emotion it takes in the artistic process and the role especially of fear in artwork.  As it happens, I think my approach to art has been overtly fearless, but also unusually halfhazard to the point that my art could use a little more hesitation, added time that often comes with fear, and generally more consideration.  So amazed, I have started painting a second layer upon my little original slaps of paint.  So in future entries you are going to see as I add a second layer to paintings you have already seen, and even a third and a fourth layer.  I have worked on 2 so far, and I would share them, but I want to add more intention to them, yet.  So I am going to wait to share them.  I am eager to see where this transformation gets me and my art!
+
 November 3, 2020
 
 I feel I am at the precipice of something.  I could have died under piles of my own filth.  Mom has always done a great deal of cleaning up, both keeping common areas pristine and ensuring my messy patches don't go unnoticed.  I have imagined what life would be like without Mom cleaning up behind me.  Cat litter would not get taken out, so cat would find other places to go.  Little wads of paper would remain on the floor, because I was too lazy or disconnected to bend over.  Disorderly environment would amplify as days passed.  Clothes would not be put away, so cat would pee on the piles of clothes.  How could I live in a landfill?  Well, I currently don't because Mom makes sure the common areas are pristine and reminds me of the disorder in my room before it overwhelms us.  

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index 71d48b6..ad5b672 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -21,6 +21,25 @@
     </iframe>
 
 
+November 3, 2020
+
+I feel I am at the precipice of something.  I could have died under piles of my own filth.  Mom has always done a great deal of cleaning up, both keeping common areas pristine and ensuring my messy patches don't go unnoticed.  I have imagined what life would be like without Mom cleaning up behind me.  Cat litter would not get taken out, so cat would find other places to go.  Little wads of paper would remain on the floor, because I was too lazy or disconnected to bend over.  Disorderly environment would amplify as days passed.  Clothes would not be put away, so cat would pee on the piles of clothes.  How could I live in a landfill?  Well, I currently don't because Mom makes sure the common areas are pristine and reminds me of the disorder in my room before it overwhelms us.  
+
+I started reading _Making Space:  Creating a Home Meditation Practice_ by Thich Nhat Hanh asking myself the question "do I really want to learn how to improve my space focus anyway?"  The answer was a feeble yes, feeble because I knew saying yes would require a lot of work, and I wasn't quite certain I was ready or energetic enough to start caring about my space.  The book hasn't quite said to me "clean your room yet."  But I am reading into the idea of making space that all of my home matters and is important to be conductive to mindfulness.  The book describes an idea of a Breathing Room and also refers to a space where you can meditate.  For the past couple years of my meditation practice, I have taken meditation very seriously, but have just considered my front porch chair, as my sole best place for meditating.  This is limiting, because sometimes I need to stay indoors, and there is not a roof or heat on the porch, and sometimes I neglect meditating due to the lack of roof.  That was the main reason I decided to start cleaning my room, to seek a place where I could sit peacefully indoors.  And miraculously I did locate a great chair feels set off and open to the space and that I enjoy how it feels to sit in, that I plan to use for meditation.  In the process I began putting away laundry.  It felt mindful to do so.  
+
+As I clean my space, my connection to the physical world becomes more real.  As I tidy my home, I am more aware of breathe, of my body.  As I clean, I emerge a better person.  
+
+I am actually thrilled this morning about cleaning!  It is a new feeling for me, and a new BELIEF.  I feel a new sense of commitment to keeping my space in good order.  I cannot wait to see where this takes me.  Never before did I really know a reason to believe in cleaning.  Never before did I really believe in making space.  
+
+Now I look at my space, and I see much room for improvement!  I am actually excited to tidy up my space!  I am actively thrilled, and that very fact blows my mind.  Thanks Thich Nhat Hahn!!!  
+
+Also, since Dia de los Muertos was recent, I have in my mind a lot of thoughts about altars.  One time, my friend Elizabeth Vega told me I should make an altar, and I wrote a nice little poem about how I made an altar and then cleaned my room and my room became an altar and then I began embodying the altar in all I did.  But the funny glitch in that is, I actually didn't make the altar back then, or clean the room, no less embody the learning, because all I did was write the poem.  Now I am ready to do the work.  
+
+Keeping a space tidy requires ongoing work.  Keeping connected to mind and body requires ongoing work.  It is the same thing.  As I clean my space, my connection to the physical world becomes more real.  As I tidy my home, I am more aware of breathe, of my body.  As I clean, I emerge a better person.  
+
+
+
+
 
 November 2, 2020
 

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index e04fd6f..71d48b6 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -21,12 +21,29 @@
     </iframe>
 
 
-[[!img DSCF5904.JPG align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]
-[[!img DSCF5903.JPG align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]
+
+November 2, 2020
+
+I'm growing more mindful, in the nick of time.  
+
+
+
+[[!img DSCF6030.JPG align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]
+[[!img DSCF6074.JPG align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]
+[[!img DSCF6075.JPG align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]
+[[!img DSCF6072.JPG align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]
+
+
+
 
 
 November 1, 2020
 
+
+
+[[!img DSCF5904.JPG align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]
+[[!img DSCF5903.JPG align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]
+
 All Souls Day/ Dia De Los Muertos
 
 I have a lemon queens cake baking in the oven...  I think.  The funny thing is I wanted to make the old recipe my family has grown to love, but the recipe we found didn't have a label.  I am just assuming the handwritten list of ingredients is lemon queens cake, not something else, based on the ingredients.  I am sure it will be delicious because of the presence of honey and butter in combination with other cake like ingredients.  
@@ -705,3 +722,5 @@ At least I am healthy and safe.  At least I can sit on my porch and be 6 feet fr
 
 <iframe style="width:120px;height:240px;" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" src="//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?ServiceVersion=20070822&OneJS=1&Operation=GetAdHtml&MarketPlace=US&source=ac&ref=tf_til&ad_type=product_link&tracking_id=author0d7-20&marketplace=amazon&region=US&placement=B07FTKH1XW&asins=B07FTKH1XW&linkId=2757667401792f0a2f12fcef7f8c3a06&show_border=false&link_opens_in_new_window=false&price_color=333333&title_color=0066c0&bg_color=ffffff">
     </iframe>
+
+

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--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -25,8 +25,18 @@
 [[!img DSCF5903.JPG align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]
 
 
+November 1, 2020
 
+All Souls Day/ Dia De Los Muertos
 
+I have a lemon queens cake baking in the oven...  I think.  The funny thing is I wanted to make the old recipe my family has grown to love, but the recipe we found didn't have a label.  I am just assuming the handwritten list of ingredients is lemon queens cake, not something else, based on the ingredients.  I am sure it will be delicious because of the presence of honey and butter in combination with other cake like ingredients.  
+
+I have been wishing I was more certain of which diagnosis is right for me, schizoaffective or bipolar, for ages.  I was thinking about writing up reasons why I want to know, but I wish I didn't have to defend my right to know.  I wish I could just get an understandable answer.  I was talking to someone and realized out loud that I actually haven't seen or video called a psychiatrist since August 2019 when I got discharged from the hospital.  Since then I have been getting my prescriptions from a nurse.  I really like the nurse, but she can't really talk to me about diagnosis, it's not her place.  So I have been storing up my questions. 
+
+I guess my life won't be a lot different if I do find out that I am bipolar or if I get convinced I am schizoaffective.   I guess it is largely just that I want to know the answer, and that the very question and my not knowing is making me feel bad because I want to know.  Maybe that is not a good enough reason for some people.  
+
+I have been a little depressed lately.  This manifests with me watching a lot of TV.  I also manage to produce a lot, art and writing.  
+I publish tons, and many of the things are children's books.  But when I am depressed I also watch a lot of TV.  It is enjoyable, comfortable, relaxing, and slightly depressing.  I should exercise more instead of this and mediate more often.  But sometimes the momentum towards what I should do is hard to find.  
 
 October 27, 2020
 

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index 30bd6ed..e15ef65 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -20,10 +20,6 @@
 <iframe style="width:120px;height:240px;" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" src="//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?ServiceVersion=20070822&OneJS=1&Operation=GetAdHtml&MarketPlace=US&source=ac&ref=tf_til&ad_type=product_link&tracking_id=author0d7-20&marketplace=amazon&region=US&placement=B07QQTTXP4&asins=B07QQTTXP4&linkId=08d7982313571271579ba819ed9d1b1e&show_border=false&link_opens_in_new_window=false&price_color=333333&title_color=0066c0&bg_color=ffffff">
     </iframe>
 
-<iframe style="width:120px;height:240px;" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" src="//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?ServiceVersion=20070822&OneJS=1&Operation=GetAdHtml&MarketPlace=US&source=ac&ref=tf_til&ad_type=product_link&tracking_id=author0d7-20&marketplace=amazon&region=US&placement=B07FTKH1XW&asins=B07FTKH1XW&linkId=2757667401792f0a2f12fcef7f8c3a06&show_border=false&link_opens_in_new_window=false&price_color=333333&title_color=0066c0&bg_color=ffffff">
-    </iframe>
-
-
 
 [[!img DSCF5904.JPG align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]
 [[!img DSCF5903.JPG align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]
@@ -697,3 +693,5 @@ At least I am healthy and safe.  At least I can sit on my porch and be 6 feet fr
 <iframe style="width:120px;height:240px;" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" src="//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?ServiceVersion=20070822&OneJS=1&Operation=GetAdHtml&MarketPlace=US&source=ac&ref=tf_til&ad_type=product_link&tracking_id=author0d7-20&marketplace=amazon&region=US&placement=B07L6TQ3TW&asins=B07L6TQ3TW&linkId=78bf1c6451698d700147c39b39ab23fb&show_border=false&link_opens_in_new_window=false&price_color=333333&title_color=0066c0&bg_color=ffffff">
     </iframe>
 
+<iframe style="width:120px;height:240px;" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" src="//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?ServiceVersion=20070822&OneJS=1&Operation=GetAdHtml&MarketPlace=US&source=ac&ref=tf_til&ad_type=product_link&tracking_id=author0d7-20&marketplace=amazon&region=US&placement=B07FTKH1XW&asins=B07FTKH1XW&linkId=2757667401792f0a2f12fcef7f8c3a06&show_border=false&link_opens_in_new_window=false&price_color=333333&title_color=0066c0&bg_color=ffffff">
+    </iframe>

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index 5e90d7b..30bd6ed 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -29,8 +29,40 @@
 [[!img DSCF5903.JPG align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]
 
 
+
+
+
 October 27, 2020
 
+
+The Story of Jule, my Friend
+
+Jule was the nicest person to me in the psychiatric wing of the hospital in the week I spent inside, Jule reached out to me in a special way.  We had a connection I am fond of.  He gave me a contact number for when we got out.  But the hospital staff destroyed all of my contacts as I left.  Everything else they did was nice.  It must have been hospital protocol.  I actually did manage to save one number and have the mailing address of a woman, Kathy.  But I asked her about her contacts, and all of hers were destroyed too.  So no way to contact Jule.  
+
+The thing about Jule though is he said the best place for him was institutionalized.  He came off as a bit crazy.  It was something about his eyes, that would bug out, and he would get lost in thoughts for a long time until somehow he made it back.  I think he wanted to be put in an institution.  But it wasn’t entirely because of his extreme mental illness.  He did have multiple diagnoses including the one I have which itself is disabling.  He needed a place to live safely and life outside the ward was hard for him.  His one place he could live was with an abusive relative, who physically abused him.
+
+He said the place we were, the upstairs of Ballad Hospital in Bristol TN, a wing called 5 East, was the nicest place he ever had been in his life.  
+
+I agreed it was nice.  But he really was including all of the places he ever had been.  
+It was superior to all the places for him.  
+
+I loved 5 East.   The nurses were sweet.  All the staff was nice.  The people were like this wonderful communal family of people who understood.  But I also like my friend’s farm, or the beach, or a peaceful room in my college where I graduated.  Jule was supremely intelligent.  He had graduated programs too.  But 5 East really was the best place he ever had been.  He was very sincere when he told me.
+
+Jule was the one person who looked out for me the most in 5 East.  That person was not a nurse or staff or even a family visitor.
+
+He sat across from me the whole time as I transitioned from psychotic to normal.  He walked me through what I happened to be staring at, a show he liked on television, Ancient Aliens.  
+When I decided to stop being so much a part of the group to transition to life outside, he was the one who came and checked on me where I meditated by myself looking out the big windows at the end of the hall.  When I was angry at the nurses station one time, I asked Jule to go back into the main room, because I wanted space.  He immediately did what I said, despite whatever he himself might have needed.  He talked me through whatever drama I was playing out about my mother, because I was thinking I shouldn’t go back and live with her.  He was a wonderful listener to me.  And having his friendship in that hospital wing felt very protective.  I liked Jule a lot.  In fact I really loved him.  He was one of the best friends I ever have had.  
+
+So a lot of my grief upon leaving 5 East has been that I have to try to stay out of places like that, despite that I adore them.  I decided to be on the normal side of the world.  Jule decided to stay in the more abnormal quarters.  
+
+I miss Jule every day, and wonder where he is, if he is alive, if they got his meds right, if he is ok.  I know he doesn’t have the support necessary to live in the normal world.  I know he is in some institution.  I wish I could see him again.  It really breaks my heart that someone so wonderful, so kind, so smart, will never succeed in the world in standard ways.  
+
+Mental illness is a tragedy in this way.  I myself am not doing the best, often.  But I have some things people like Jule will never have.  But all that I want is to see Jule again, even despite what I have.  I would give so much just to go back to that time, the best time, when I was sitting across from him, waking up from psychosis, and learning how to watch TV.  
+
+ 
+=---==
+
+
 Our family is waging bets regarding the election.  We are just betting for bragging rights, not money.  I think the election will be declared November 3.  Others think much later.   It will be interesting to see when it gets called since it often is called preemptively.   
 
 I am happy with my ads at the top of this.  Please comment if you have something to say about them.  Maybe there should just be 7 and not 14 books advertised?  I might have gone a tad overboard.  But I think it is easy enough to scroll past them.  

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index 9e3b594..5e90d7b 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -23,26 +23,6 @@
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 [[!img DSCF5904.JPG align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]
@@ -664,3 +644,24 @@ I am the kind of person who kind of switches back and forth between introversion
 One of these days I did stop for curbside ice cream kind of impulsively, but I got a terrible earful from my mother when I got home.  Honestly my decision to socially isolate has been for my mother, and to make her happy.  I don't think our relationship with each other is healthy, though, and  I wish I could just go back to normal.  
 
 At least I am healthy and safe.  At least I can sit on my porch and be 6 feet from people but still see them.  I know I am not the worst case of suffering, and I'm sorry for all of the people who have lost loved ones to covid 19 and who are currently sick and also other mentally ill people like me who are trapped inside.  
+
+
+<iframe style="width:120px;height:240px;" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" src="//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?ServiceVersion=20070822&OneJS=1&Operation=GetAdHtml&MarketPlace=US&source=ac&ref=tf_til&ad_type=product_link&tracking_id=author0d7-20&marketplace=amazon&region=US&placement=B07J6BCJCF&asins=B07J6BCJCF&linkId=5b8cbf8039b9c5b87951e86fe8c6e98f&show_border=false&link_opens_in_new_window=false&price_color=333333&title_color=0066c0&bg_color=ffffff">
+    </iframe>
+
+<iframe style="width:120px;height:240px;" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" src="//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?ServiceVersion=20070822&OneJS=1&Operation=GetAdHtml&MarketPlace=US&source=ac&ref=tf_til&ad_type=product_link&tracking_id=author0d7-20&marketplace=amazon&region=US&placement=B087SD83SQ&asins=B087SD83SQ&linkId=08c9f8b943030bfc027b67b3d5e2720d&show_border=false&link_opens_in_new_window=false&price_color=333333&title_color=0066c0&bg_color=ffffff">
+    </iframe>
+
+<iframe style="width:120px;height:240px;" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" src="//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?ServiceVersion=20070822&OneJS=1&Operation=GetAdHtml&MarketPlace=US&source=ac&ref=tf_til&ad_type=product_link&tracking_id=author0d7-20&marketplace=amazon&region=US&placement=B07D6VCYVD&asins=B07D6VCYVD&linkId=72c85f90303011047ac388fef3b3c048&show_border=false&link_opens_in_new_window=false&price_color=333333&title_color=0066c0&bg_color=ffffff">
+    </iframe>
+
+<iframe style="width:120px;height:240px;" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" src="//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?ServiceVersion=20070822&OneJS=1&Operation=GetAdHtml&MarketPlace=US&source=ac&ref=tf_til&ad_type=product_link&tracking_id=author0d7-20&marketplace=amazon&region=US&placement=B07RSCMGNF&asins=B07RSCMGNF&linkId=7d3893f17ae5f51f9cdb6db56cdf0d08&show_border=false&link_opens_in_new_window=false&price_color=333333&title_color=0066c0&bg_color=ffffff">
+    </iframe>
+
+<iframe style="width:120px;height:240px;" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" src="//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?ServiceVersion=20070822&OneJS=1&Operation=GetAdHtml&MarketPlace=US&source=ac&ref=tf_til&ad_type=product_link&tracking_id=author0d7-20&marketplace=amazon&region=US&placement=B00BH2QIR4&asins=B00BH2QIR4&linkId=f7e0a8e62ad7db26a725587b69e658db&show_border=false&link_opens_in_new_window=false&price_color=333333&title_color=0066c0&bg_color=ffffff">
+    </iframe>
+
+
+<iframe style="width:120px;height:240px;" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" src="//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?ServiceVersion=20070822&OneJS=1&Operation=GetAdHtml&MarketPlace=US&source=ac&ref=tf_til&ad_type=product_link&tracking_id=author0d7-20&marketplace=amazon&region=US&placement=B07L6TQ3TW&asins=B07L6TQ3TW&linkId=78bf1c6451698d700147c39b39ab23fb&show_border=false&link_opens_in_new_window=false&price_color=333333&title_color=0066c0&bg_color=ffffff">
+    </iframe>
+

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index 3343648..9e3b594 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -45,6 +45,9 @@
 
 
 
+[[!img DSCF5904.JPG align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]
+[[!img DSCF5903.JPG align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]
+
 
 October 27, 2020
 
@@ -661,14 +664,3 @@ I am the kind of person who kind of switches back and forth between introversion
 One of these days I did stop for curbside ice cream kind of impulsively, but I got a terrible earful from my mother when I got home.  Honestly my decision to socially isolate has been for my mother, and to make her happy.  I don't think our relationship with each other is healthy, though, and  I wish I could just go back to normal.  
 
 At least I am healthy and safe.  At least I can sit on my porch and be 6 feet from people but still see them.  I know I am not the worst case of suffering, and I'm sorry for all of the people who have lost loved ones to covid 19 and who are currently sick and also other mentally ill people like me who are trapped inside.  
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-

attachment upload
diff --git a/DSCF5903.JPG b/DSCF5903.JPG
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..6330e30
Binary files /dev/null and b/DSCF5903.JPG differ
diff --git a/DSCF5904.JPG b/DSCF5904.JPG
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..bf68a93
Binary files /dev/null and b/DSCF5904.JPG differ

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index 255abf2..3343648 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -43,6 +43,20 @@
     </iframe>
 
 
+
+
+
+October 27, 2020
+
+Our family is waging bets regarding the election.  We are just betting for bragging rights, not money.  I think the election will be declared November 3.  Others think much later.   It will be interesting to see when it gets called since it often is called preemptively.   
+
+I am happy with my ads at the top of this.  Please comment if you have something to say about them.  Maybe there should just be 7 and not 14 books advertised?  I might have gone a tad overboard.  But I think it is easy enough to scroll past them.  
+
+Life marches on.  I am thinking of making an online course.  I started making one in children's book publicaiton but I think I am not going to do it on that.  Is there a subject you would like to learn from me?  Maybe painting?  Or haiku writing?  Feel free to let me know in comments.  
+
+
+
+
 October 24, 2020
 
 Have you ever painted with creek rocks?

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index b415a2a..255abf2 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -38,6 +38,11 @@
 <iframe style="width:120px;height:240px;" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" src="//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?ServiceVersion=20070822&OneJS=1&Operation=GetAdHtml&MarketPlace=US&source=ac&ref=tf_til&ad_type=product_link&tracking_id=author0d7-20&marketplace=amazon&region=US&placement=B00BH2QIR4&asins=B00BH2QIR4&linkId=f7e0a8e62ad7db26a725587b69e658db&show_border=false&link_opens_in_new_window=false&price_color=333333&title_color=0066c0&bg_color=ffffff">
     </iframe>
 
+
+<iframe style="width:120px;height:240px;" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" src="//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?ServiceVersion=20070822&OneJS=1&Operation=GetAdHtml&MarketPlace=US&source=ac&ref=tf_til&ad_type=product_link&tracking_id=author0d7-20&marketplace=amazon&region=US&placement=B07L6TQ3TW&asins=B07L6TQ3TW&linkId=78bf1c6451698d700147c39b39ab23fb&show_border=false&link_opens_in_new_window=false&price_color=333333&title_color=0066c0&bg_color=ffffff">
+    </iframe>
+
+
 October 24, 2020
 
 Have you ever painted with creek rocks?

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index 0b90124..b415a2a 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -26,7 +26,17 @@
 <iframe style="width:120px;height:240px;" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" src="//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?ServiceVersion=20070822&OneJS=1&Operation=GetAdHtml&MarketPlace=US&source=ac&ref=tf_til&ad_type=product_link&tracking_id=author0d7-20&marketplace=amazon&region=US&placement=B07J6BCJCF&asins=B07J6BCJCF&linkId=5b8cbf8039b9c5b87951e86fe8c6e98f&show_border=false&link_opens_in_new_window=false&price_color=333333&title_color=0066c0&bg_color=ffffff">
     </iframe>
 
+<iframe style="width:120px;height:240px;" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" src="//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?ServiceVersion=20070822&OneJS=1&Operation=GetAdHtml&MarketPlace=US&source=ac&ref=tf_til&ad_type=product_link&tracking_id=author0d7-20&marketplace=amazon&region=US&placement=B087SD83SQ&asins=B087SD83SQ&linkId=08c9f8b943030bfc027b67b3d5e2720d&show_border=false&link_opens_in_new_window=false&price_color=333333&title_color=0066c0&bg_color=ffffff">
+    </iframe>
+
+<iframe style="width:120px;height:240px;" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" src="//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?ServiceVersion=20070822&OneJS=1&Operation=GetAdHtml&MarketPlace=US&source=ac&ref=tf_til&ad_type=product_link&tracking_id=author0d7-20&marketplace=amazon&region=US&placement=B07D6VCYVD&asins=B07D6VCYVD&linkId=72c85f90303011047ac388fef3b3c048&show_border=false&link_opens_in_new_window=false&price_color=333333&title_color=0066c0&bg_color=ffffff">
+    </iframe>
 
+<iframe style="width:120px;height:240px;" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" src="//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?ServiceVersion=20070822&OneJS=1&Operation=GetAdHtml&MarketPlace=US&source=ac&ref=tf_til&ad_type=product_link&tracking_id=author0d7-20&marketplace=amazon&region=US&placement=B07RSCMGNF&asins=B07RSCMGNF&linkId=7d3893f17ae5f51f9cdb6db56cdf0d08&show_border=false&link_opens_in_new_window=false&price_color=333333&title_color=0066c0&bg_color=ffffff">
+    </iframe>
+
+<iframe style="width:120px;height:240px;" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" src="//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?ServiceVersion=20070822&OneJS=1&Operation=GetAdHtml&MarketPlace=US&source=ac&ref=tf_til&ad_type=product_link&tracking_id=author0d7-20&marketplace=amazon&region=US&placement=B00BH2QIR4&asins=B00BH2QIR4&linkId=f7e0a8e62ad7db26a725587b69e658db&show_border=false&link_opens_in_new_window=false&price_color=333333&title_color=0066c0&bg_color=ffffff">
+    </iframe>
 
 October 24, 2020
 

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index 4e6ef02..0b90124 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -14,6 +14,19 @@
 <iframe style="width:120px;height:240px;" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" src="//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?ServiceVersion=20070822&OneJS=1&Operation=GetAdHtml&MarketPlace=US&source=ac&ref=tf_til&ad_type=product_link&tracking_id=author0d7-20&marketplace=amazon&region=US&placement=B07RBZ23PS&asins=B07RBZ23PS&linkId=7e658fd43065061ae43371981ff6f14d&show_border=false&link_opens_in_new_window=false&price_color=333333&title_color=0066c0&bg_color=ffffff">
     </iframe>
 
+<iframe style="width:120px;height:240px;" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" src="//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?ServiceVersion=20070822&OneJS=1&Operation=GetAdHtml&MarketPlace=US&source=ac&ref=tf_til&ad_type=product_link&tracking_id=author0d7-20&marketplace=amazon&region=US&placement=B07L1C11Z6&asins=B07L1C11Z6&linkId=3c5a353c891c7df121ba91c5072658b0&show_border=false&link_opens_in_new_window=false&price_color=333333&title_color=0066c0&bg_color=ffffff">
+    </iframe>
+
+<iframe style="width:120px;height:240px;" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" src="//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?ServiceVersion=20070822&OneJS=1&Operation=GetAdHtml&MarketPlace=US&source=ac&ref=tf_til&ad_type=product_link&tracking_id=author0d7-20&marketplace=amazon&region=US&placement=B07QQTTXP4&asins=B07QQTTXP4&linkId=08d7982313571271579ba819ed9d1b1e&show_border=false&link_opens_in_new_window=false&price_color=333333&title_color=0066c0&bg_color=ffffff">
+    </iframe>
+
+<iframe style="width:120px;height:240px;" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" src="//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?ServiceVersion=20070822&OneJS=1&Operation=GetAdHtml&MarketPlace=US&source=ac&ref=tf_til&ad_type=product_link&tracking_id=author0d7-20&marketplace=amazon&region=US&placement=B07FTKH1XW&asins=B07FTKH1XW&linkId=2757667401792f0a2f12fcef7f8c3a06&show_border=false&link_opens_in_new_window=false&price_color=333333&title_color=0066c0&bg_color=ffffff">
+    </iframe>
+
+<iframe style="width:120px;height:240px;" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" src="//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?ServiceVersion=20070822&OneJS=1&Operation=GetAdHtml&MarketPlace=US&source=ac&ref=tf_til&ad_type=product_link&tracking_id=author0d7-20&marketplace=amazon&region=US&placement=B07J6BCJCF&asins=B07J6BCJCF&linkId=5b8cbf8039b9c5b87951e86fe8c6e98f&show_border=false&link_opens_in_new_window=false&price_color=333333&title_color=0066c0&bg_color=ffffff">
+    </iframe>
+
+
 
 October 24, 2020
 

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index fdc4e4d..4e6ef02 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -15,10 +15,6 @@
     </iframe>
 
 
-October 26, 2020
-
-https://www.audible.com/pd/B08L8M7KHN/?source_code=AUDFPWS0223189MWT-BK-ACX0-219781&ref=acx_bty_BK_ACX0_219781_rh_us  is the link to the bounty reward program for interested readers.
-
 October 24, 2020
 
 Have you ever painted with creek rocks?

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index f612a2f..fdc4e4d 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -11,6 +11,10 @@
     </iframe>
 
 
+<iframe style="width:120px;height:240px;" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" src="//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?ServiceVersion=20070822&OneJS=1&Operation=GetAdHtml&MarketPlace=US&source=ac&ref=tf_til&ad_type=product_link&tracking_id=author0d7-20&marketplace=amazon&region=US&placement=B07RBZ23PS&asins=B07RBZ23PS&linkId=7e658fd43065061ae43371981ff6f14d&show_border=false&link_opens_in_new_window=false&price_color=333333&title_color=0066c0&bg_color=ffffff">
+    </iframe>
+
+
 October 26, 2020
 
 https://www.audible.com/pd/B08L8M7KHN/?source_code=AUDFPWS0223189MWT-BK-ACX0-219781&ref=acx_bty_BK_ACX0_219781_rh_us  is the link to the bounty reward program for interested readers.

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index a466adc..f612a2f 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -1,6 +1,16 @@
 <iframe style="width:120px;height:240px;" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" src="//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?ServiceVersion=20070822&OneJS=1&Operation=GetAdHtml&MarketPlace=US&source=ac&ref=tf_til&ad_type=product_link&tracking_id=author0d7-20&marketplace=amazon&region=US&placement=B08L84THNR&asins=B08L84THNR&linkId=f2ef67743f3156325bb4a74bde082829&show_border=false&link_opens_in_new_window=false&price_color=333333&title_color=0066C0&bg_color=FFFFFF">
     </iframe>
 
+<iframe style="width:120px;height:240px;" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" src="//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?ServiceVersion=20070822&OneJS=1&Operation=GetAdHtml&MarketPlace=US&source=ac&ref=tf_til&ad_type=product_link&tracking_id=author0d7-20&marketplace=amazon&region=US&placement=B08L4ZJ6R4&asins=B08L4ZJ6R4&linkId=333927791e07bd795d1b2d352a7f33e6&show_border=false&link_opens_in_new_window=false&price_color=333333&title_color=0066c0&bg_color=ffffff">
+    </iframe>
+
+<iframe style="width:120px;height:240px;" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" src="//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?ServiceVersion=20070822&OneJS=1&Operation=GetAdHtml&MarketPlace=US&source=ac&ref=tf_til&ad_type=product_link&tracking_id=author0d7-20&marketplace=amazon&region=US&placement=B08KSMKFTY&asins=B08KSMKFTY&linkId=3f67ad0a42370381094336946193be27&show_border=false&link_opens_in_new_window=false&price_color=333333&title_color=0066c0&bg_color=ffffff">
+    </iframe>
+
+<iframe style="width:120px;height:240px;" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" src="//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?ServiceVersion=20070822&OneJS=1&Operation=GetAdHtml&MarketPlace=US&source=ac&ref=tf_til&ad_type=product_link&tracking_id=author0d7-20&marketplace=amazon&region=US&placement=B08CG6H9XD&asins=B08CG6H9XD&linkId=77e69f939849fcc0b8a158a7a2d848a4&show_border=false&link_opens_in_new_window=false&price_color=333333&title_color=0066c0&bg_color=ffffff">
+    </iframe>
+
+
 October 26, 2020
 
 https://www.audible.com/pd/B08L8M7KHN/?source_code=AUDFPWS0223189MWT-BK-ACX0-219781&ref=acx_bty_BK_ACX0_219781_rh_us  is the link to the bounty reward program for interested readers.

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index fdf5acd..a466adc 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -1,3 +1,6 @@
+<iframe style="width:120px;height:240px;" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" src="//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?ServiceVersion=20070822&OneJS=1&Operation=GetAdHtml&MarketPlace=US&source=ac&ref=tf_til&ad_type=product_link&tracking_id=author0d7-20&marketplace=amazon&region=US&placement=B08L84THNR&asins=B08L84THNR&linkId=f2ef67743f3156325bb4a74bde082829&show_border=false&link_opens_in_new_window=false&price_color=333333&title_color=0066C0&bg_color=FFFFFF">
+    </iframe>
+
 October 26, 2020
 
 https://www.audible.com/pd/B08L8M7KHN/?source_code=AUDFPWS0223189MWT-BK-ACX0-219781&ref=acx_bty_BK_ACX0_219781_rh_us  is the link to the bounty reward program for interested readers.

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index 78c6d60..fdf5acd 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -1,3 +1,7 @@
+October 26, 2020
+
+https://www.audible.com/pd/B08L8M7KHN/?source_code=AUDFPWS0223189MWT-BK-ACX0-219781&ref=acx_bty_BK_ACX0_219781_rh_us  is the link to the bounty reward program for interested readers.
+
 October 24, 2020
 
 Have you ever painted with creek rocks?

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index 6c47157..78c6d60 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -1,3 +1,11 @@
+October 24, 2020
+
+Have you ever painted with creek rocks?
+I try to every day,
+under the trestle bridge.
+
+October 23, 2020
+
 His feathers were delicate straws.
 
 [[!img blue_feather_on_white.JPG align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index 9dc9867..6c47157 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -1,3 +1,7 @@
+His feathers were delicate straws.
+
+[[!img blue_feather_on_white.JPG align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]
+
 October 22, 2020
 
 I get to meet one of my favorite friends for the first time today.  J. is a member of my writing group that has been coming together by video since Springtime.  He lives across town from me, writes sparse justice poetry, and studies African American authors on the sly.  I feel such an affinity to this gay man who has always lived in my town, writing his poetry, studying his justice, appreciating nature, being empathetic.  His understanding of my world is possibly even more valuable to me, because of my mental illness.  For a long time, I felt most people didn't understand, but then I started doing this writing support group via video when the pandemic started.  Our group is the best pandemic silver lining I have found.  
@@ -599,3 +603,5 @@ At least I am healthy and safe.  At least I can sit on my porch and be 6 feet fr
 
 
 
+
+

attachment upload
diff --git a/blue_feather_on_white.JPG b/blue_feather_on_white.JPG
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..37c60f3
Binary files /dev/null and b/blue_feather_on_white.JPG differ

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index 105c48a..9dc9867 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -1,3 +1,10 @@
+October 22, 2020
+
+I get to meet one of my favorite friends for the first time today.  J. is a member of my writing group that has been coming together by video since Springtime.  He lives across town from me, writes sparse justice poetry, and studies African American authors on the sly.  I feel such an affinity to this gay man who has always lived in my town, writing his poetry, studying his justice, appreciating nature, being empathetic.  His understanding of my world is possibly even more valuable to me, because of my mental illness.  For a long time, I felt most people didn't understand, but then I started doing this writing support group via video when the pandemic started.  Our group is the best pandemic silver lining I have found.  
+
+
+
+
 October 20, 2020
 
 _Right_ after I launched my 4th children's book, I put out 2 more the next week, "The Adventures of Silhouette Man" and "Dreaming Leaves."  Also, "Buoyant Recovery" my poetry chapbook is now out on Audible, and I have since also published a 7th children's book, pending review, "Twinkle Fingers, Night and Day".  If you lost count, or got confused, Buoyant Recovery isn't a children's book.  

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index 2d88a8b..105c48a 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -1,3 +1,12 @@
+October 20, 2020
+
+_Right_ after I launched my 4th children's book, I put out 2 more the next week, "The Adventures of Silhouette Man" and "Dreaming Leaves."  Also, "Buoyant Recovery" my poetry chapbook is now out on Audible, and I have since also published a 7th children's book, pending review, "Twinkle Fingers, Night and Day".  If you lost count, or got confused, Buoyant Recovery isn't a children's book.  
+
+I am pretty stoked about my ad coming out in Lion's Roar Magazine in January.  
+
+Life has been good.  I am hopeful about the possibility Marquita Bradshaw gets elected in Tennessee's Senate!  Life marches on!
+
+
 October 4, 2020
 
 I have really been enjoying sending books that I write to friends so they can share them which ends up being a win win.  Can I have your mailing address for this?  I will send a free book to anyone who responds (within reason).  If you love free children's books and poetry this should be exciting!  

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index dcbb37a..2d88a8b 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -1,7 +1,8 @@
 October 4, 2020
 
 I have really been enjoying sending books that I write to friends so they can share them which ends up being a win win.  Can I have your mailing address for this?  I will send a free book to anyone who responds (within reason).  If you love free children's books and poetry this should be exciting!  
-
+beautyitselfispurpose@gmail.com
+Maggie Hess
 
 
 October 4, 2020

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index 5ba4b39..dcbb37a 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -1,3 +1,9 @@
+October 4, 2020
+
+I have really been enjoying sending books that I write to friends so they can share them which ends up being a win win.  Can I have your mailing address for this?  I will send a free book to anyone who responds (within reason).  If you love free children's books and poetry this should be exciting!  
+
+
+
 October 4, 2020
 
 Shameless Self Promotion

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
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--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -1,3 +1,28 @@
+October 4, 2020
+
+Shameless Self Promotion
+
+I am getting ready to launch my 4th children's book
+on Amazon, _Where the Creek Ends_.  2 Audio books 
+are just short sound files, not for Kindle or Print.  
+Hojoki for Children has been a huge prior launch. 
+please review this and my other books you may love,
+especially Hojoki for Children.  Numerous chapbooks are 
+available on Amazon, Kindle, and Audible.  
+
+Sharing and reviewing my books is one great way 
+to ensure I keep producing.  I think it only takes like 4 reviews
+to have bookstores distribute my books, but I rarely get 
+that many.  
+
+I am trying to high dive into children’s writing and 
+illustrating, so if you want to write an article about my books
+on your blog or share about me on facebook
+I would be honored.  
+
+Thank you for reading!!
+
+
 August 28, 2020
 
 

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
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--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -1,3 +1,23 @@
+August 28, 2020
+
+
+
+[[!img DSCF5619.JPG align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]
+
+My brain wanted to go visit the old place I love so much called Wortroot.  My body and my instincts had a different idea.  As I followed the path I thought would get me to the old white house at the bottom of the hill, my body and my instincts took a wrong turn and ended up near a shed by the creek where the barbed wire crossed in a jagged mesh above a small deep hole of cooling waters.  By the time I ended up there, I knew I had taken one wrong turn, but I thought this was a different way to get in to Wortroot and the white house at the hill’s bottom.  So I sat in the water for a while, cooling down and trying to figure out what I should do.  As my brain shut mostly down, my body and instincts opened up, wider and deeper and more connected to the woods.  I knew technically I could try to climb one of the many hills around me, but when I looked through the barbed wire fence, it seemed to me that the beginning edge of Wortroot lay on the other side of it.  
+
+“Well, if all I need is to get through this rusty fence, I probably can find a way to do it right here where I am.”  My body and my instincts manipulated my brain like a spell, until I believed the reason they granted me.  
+
+So with determination, I began trying to adjust the fallen posts of the fence that lay dangerous in the waters.  I lifted up one post and propped it on a log.  Then I looked for more snags.  I found another post with wire on it, lower down, and somehow moved it a little so my body might squeeze through.  As it happens the only way to get through would be in the water, crawling feet first butt down, and floating with my buoyancy.  My brain came along for the ride, a bit hesitant, but aware it was no longer in control.  Having turned temporarily into some fish, I came out  on the other side, immediately aware that I was not on the property I intended to end up on.  Body and brain agreed, as well, that it would not be safe for me to try to swim my way back through the fence.  And the place I had been sitting in the pool of water on the other side, also was a stuck place.  I did not know how to get to Wortroot or home.  My water bottle that I had thrown over with my purse and phone was half already.    
+
+I had lost my shoes earlier in mud.  I stood barefoot and suddenly wide awake with the knowledge I was in something of a jam.  
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
 August 20, 2020
 
 I was sitting on my front porch in gratitude.  When I breathed in, my eyes were closed and then I slightly opened them and breathed out.  When I did that, I was looking up at the clouds which fill almost all of the sky, and tiny little circle of blue opened up, just for my exhalation.  I can't help but to know the effect I have on things.  :)
@@ -531,12 +551,3 @@ At least I am healthy and safe.  At least I can sit on my porch and be 6 feet fr
 
 
 
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-[[!img DSCF5565.JPG align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]
-[[!img DSCF5566.JPG align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]
-[[!img DSCF5567.JPG align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]

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diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
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--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -2,6 +2,8 @@ August 20, 2020
 
 I was sitting on my front porch in gratitude.  When I breathed in, my eyes were closed and then I slightly opened them and breathed out.  When I did that, I was looking up at the clouds which fill almost all of the sky, and tiny little circle of blue opened up, just for my exhalation.  I can't help but to know the effect I have on things.  :)
 
+No.  We together are these things.  Nothing I do is ever just me.  We always transform together, eternally.  Humans, the world, the galaxy, it all is One.  
+
 August 19, 2020  
 
 Part 2

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
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--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -1,3 +1,7 @@
+August 20, 2020
+
+I was sitting on my front porch in gratitude.  When I breathed in, my eyes were closed and then I slightly opened them and breathed out.  When I did that, I was looking up at the clouds which fill almost all of the sky, and tiny little circle of blue opened up, just for my exhalation.  I can't help but to know the effect I have on things.  :)
+
 August 19, 2020  
 
 Part 2

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
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--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -1,3 +1,29 @@
+August 19, 2020  
+
+Part 2
+
+It has opened up a lot for me, learning to trust a good thing.  But the thing that opened that is a direction I need to explore is what Thom said about The Mutual.  
+
+I missed some sleep last night because I didn’t eat enough (lesson learned) before bed, and because it was a full day, with lots to think about and grow about.  I got out of bed at like 3 AM to write down my next epiphany, which is something more personal that I don’t want to blog about here.  Sometimes with mood ups are disturbed by rising a bit too high emotionally, which leads to sleeplessness, and that is another angle on what was going on.  
+
+The loss of sleep made me a bit volatile, just a little, this morning.  I usually never call him, but I called Tom in the morning to ask a question that for some reason was nagging me too.  (So many new questions to work through right now.)
+
+He is the area idealist on disability issues, and because I am disabled and had prior to the pandemic volunteered at our local different ability nonprofit, River’s Way (which Tom directs) I felt he might just answer my question.  
+
+I asked him something about the pitfall of working with disabled people that can occur which is having a feeling of Patronizing.  I have a disability, but reflecting back on River’s Way, I was concerned my approach had not been received as I would want. 
+
+He said the 2 main things about disability that are foundational are that with disability, there is interdependence.  He also said it is about The Mutual.  
+
+After I got off the phone with Tom, I felt I understood but would like to dig deeper someday into these ideas.  
+
+The first disabled person I remember was a man who lived near my elementary school, and probably because he was family, he was sometimes seen in the school.  I think his name was Johnny, which is interesting as it seems to be a common name in River’s Way.  I remember being solitary in my love of this man, but probably half the kids really adored him.  He had something different about him.  I don’t know what.  He’d come through and I’d see him and I’d wave and smile big.  Then some meaner kid would be like “Maggie, why are you waving at Johnny?  He’s (insert 80’s word used to slander disabled people.)”  I sure never understood the slander.   He was about the best person I saw in school, or out of school.  He’d do these nonverbal things and interact with me.  I adored him.  No one else would do those things, and it seemed stupid to me that everyone was so “normal” and thinking that their “normal” was so much better than the best person.  
+
+So I have been defensive about disability, though it probably isn’t the best leadership technique or teaching model.  
+
+I had told Tom I wanted to help, and what I got from him was that it is mutual and it has to be mutual, and maybe the people in River’s Way don’t always need to want to help, though they all do.  Sometimes it is important just to share a moment with someone or have fun.  And that fun is the most important thing that can be mutual, and shared, and experienced together, because what is more mutual than fun?  With my first disabled person, this Johnny, my approach wasn’t all wrong, because I did exchange with him fun and friendly gestures and smiles.  I remember some great jokes we somehow shared.  Or maybe I just thought we did.  
+
+Interdependence is a huge word.  It means sharing in a broad sense, among all of the people, not just one type, or that’s what it means to me.  So sorry I don’t have a huge conclusion.  It’s a works in process.  
+
 August 18, 2020
 
 Trust a Good Thing

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
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--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -1,3 +1,50 @@
+August 18, 2020
+
+Trust a Good Thing
+[[!img DSCF5559.JPG align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]
+[[!img DSCF5560.JPG align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]
+[[!img DSCF5561.JPG align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]
+[[!img DSCF5562.JPG align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]
+[[!img DSCF5563.JPG align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]
+[[!img DSCF5564.JPG align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]
+[[!img DSCF5565.JPG align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]
+[[!img DSCF5566.JPG align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]
+[[!img DSCF5567.JPG align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]
+
+by Maggie Hess
+
+My friend Josh recently asked me what I thought it meant, this dream I had lost night about giant leaves that I was looking up at.  “I think it was because I looked up and saw leaves the day before and the image was fresh in my mind.”  I pronounced.  
+
+He looked distracted, so I wondered if he was thinking there was more to this simple sounding dream.  So I teased him a little, asking him if he thought there was something more to it, my dream about big leafs I had.  I think he laughed, because clearly there is nothing deeper there.  Or is there?
+
+That is not what I am digging into writing this today.  But I was making a point of sorts, that maybe there sometimes is something that is deeper that we go back to, and very well, maybe I will find some sort of deep psychic meaning in my big leaf dream if time passes and something changes.  Who knows?  I am open to it.  
+
+The reason I mention deep rooted thought development is I had a thought today that seems a first page thought and a last page and a whole book too.  I feel I am exploring a new thought, and embodying it into myself, in a way that could turn my whole life around, and make my life even more wonderful than it already is.  And I have so many good things going on in my life already.  
+
+The idea is that I have just now started learning about myself that I need to “Trust a good thing.”  I said that today to my therapist.  She actually wrote it on her white board, and it was a telephone session.  (She told me she wrote it up there, which informed me it meant something to her too.)  But to me, it feels like it is a catharsis I needed to have my whole life for so many reasons.  
+
+I am at a time when I just got this funny machine called a bipap machine to help me breathe at night, which is because I have sleep apnea, which all kinds of people get, but many more who are overweight.   At this time of my life, zooming in a bit more, I got the machine a little over a week ago.  During this week, I got a fitbit, kept track of my steps, also recorded my calories I ate with an app called Noom that you can use to lose weight, and I actually lost 9 pounds this week.  (It is too much generally to lose 9 pounds in a week, but if you are just starting a diet, sometimes, the pounds quickly fall off the first week, and it is ok.)  
+
+I feel I was able to lose the weight because I have in my head a sense of newfound determination that I will lose weight down to 200 pounds.  I never before had set such a big goal, but always had wondered what it would be like to be 200 pounds again, in terms of my health and movement capabilities.  I had dieted a few other times, and one time it was successful, but I think I quit the diet because I was confused and unclear on my goal.  Now I feel I will succeed because I am more sure of my goal.  
+
+Trust a good thing.  
+
+How the term came up for me, was a couple weeks ago, I heard a meditation guru I follow, Tara Brach, use the term “Trust the Gold.”   So that was the first layer of the development of meaning for my dream canopy, if you remember my lead in, and understand what I mean.  
+
+I had thought about the term trust in different levels off and on, my whole life.   I think it’s human to mull over the meaning of words.  
+
+Then I was writing my 3 writing support group friends today and this is what I said to them, in terms of expressing gratitude towards them for our friendship. It’s a little long maybe.
+
+“Before Autumn, I ruined many good friendships.   With Autumn I was afraid it might be to good to possibly last.   But she is a professional friend, and I think that helps.   Once I really was burned by a family of friends who were NSA but didn't tell me until after years of babysitting for them,  and them feigning progressive values,  from Abingdon.   That was their fault.   But recently I was friends with MM.   But my over-contacting her reminded her of an abusive domestic partner (just in frequency.)  before these I was more volatile with my mental illness. I made some activist friends and college friends that sadly didn't want to sustain our relationship.   This caused loss,  but today I feel joy and trust.   
+
+So my saying I have 3 real friends means more than you know.   I also have tons of friends,  but most are family friends which feels sometimes forced. Ive had and have tons but the level of trust and reciprocity is unmet.   In college too I had a hard time trusting a good thing was real.  I feel I am finally overcoming that.”
+
+
+So I am growing in terms of relationship as well as fitness goals.  It was this email to my friends, that grew into the expression I used in therapy, “Trust a Good Thing” that would make a great bumper sticker, and if frankly my new motto for my life.  
+
+Now my job is to dig into the “dream” and find for the next layer of meaning!
+
+
 August 6, 2020
 
 I was so glad to relearn about Harriet the Spy.  I recently divorced myself from making future Amazon purchases, and began familiarizing myself with indie bookstores online, such as those listed here:  https://www.huffpost.com/entry/50-of-the-best-indie-bookstores-in-america_n_58fe472ae4b06b9cb9192bb3
@@ -450,3 +497,14 @@ At least I am healthy and safe.  At least I can sit on my porch and be 6 feet fr
 
 
 
+
+
+[[!img DSCF5559.JPG align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]
+[[!img DSCF5560.JPG align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]
+[[!img DSCF5561.JPG align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]
+[[!img DSCF5562.JPG align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]
+[[!img DSCF5563.JPG align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]
+[[!img DSCF5564.JPG align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]
+[[!img DSCF5565.JPG align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]
+[[!img DSCF5566.JPG align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]
+[[!img DSCF5567.JPG align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]

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--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -1,3 +1,13 @@
+August 6, 2020
+
+I was so glad to relearn about Harriet the Spy.  I recently divorced myself from making future Amazon purchases, and began familiarizing myself with indie bookstores online, such as those listed here:  https://www.huffpost.com/entry/50-of-the-best-indie-bookstores-in-america_n_58fe472ae4b06b9cb9192bb3
+
+I know I could have checked it out, but I wanted it, so I purchased Harriet the Spy from an Ann Arbor bookstore, and am excited to get it.  I have used bookstores in Boston and Pittsburgh too lately.  Very happy new habit.  
+
+If you didn't buy books on Amazon, how long would it take before you supported all 50 best indie bookstores?  How much better would that be for the world?
+
+
+
 August 4, 2020
 
 

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+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -1,3 +1,14 @@
+August 4, 2020
+
+
+
+
+
+[[!img DSCF5537.JPG align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]
+[[!img DSCF5538.JPG align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]
+
+
+
 July 20, 2020
 
 [[!img origami_leaf.JPG align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]
@@ -429,4 +440,3 @@ At least I am healthy and safe.  At least I can sit on my porch and be 6 feet fr
 
 
 
-

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 July 20, 2020
-Origami leaf.
+
 [[!img origami_leaf.JPG align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]
-Brush and tail.
+
 [[!img brush_and_tail.JPG align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]
-Blind self portrait.
+
 [[!img blind_self_portrait.JPG align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]
-I love Mom.
+
 [[!img I_love_Mom.JPG align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]
-wall working
+
 [[!img wall_working.JPG align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]
-hard work wall
+
 [[!img hard_work_wall.JPG align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]
-wall scrub
+
 [[!img wallscrub.JPG align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]
 
 July 15, 2020

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index d1454b6..7fd0ec0 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -1,3 +1,19 @@
+July 20, 2020
+Origami leaf.
+[[!img origami_leaf.JPG align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]
+Brush and tail.
+[[!img brush_and_tail.JPG align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]
+Blind self portrait.
+[[!img blind_self_portrait.JPG align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]
+I love Mom.
+[[!img I_love_Mom.JPG align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]
+wall working
+[[!img wall_working.JPG align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]
+hard work wall
+[[!img hard_work_wall.JPG align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]
+wall scrub
+[[!img wallscrub.JPG align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]
+
 July 15, 2020
 
 A poem magically surfaced on the kitchen table this morning.  The quote was one of those little stationary quotes.  
@@ -413,3 +429,4 @@ At least I am healthy and safe.  At least I can sit on my porch and be 6 feet fr
 
 
 
+

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diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
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--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -1,3 +1,58 @@
+July 15, 2020
+
+A poem magically surfaced on the kitchen table this morning.  The quote was one of those little stationary quotes.  
+Staying
+
+To live vicarious
+
+though the swifts
+
+with sudden lows
+
+and lovely lifts.
+
+
+To be, a time, 
+
+a locust tree
+
+waving my leaflets
+
+like some sea.
+
+
+The porch is my sand bar
+
+the sky is its waves
+
+to quizzically see
+
+how life behaves.
+
+
+Some things are just
+
+exactly same
+
+by mountains wild
+
+or oceans tame.
+
+
+Some vacations are
+
+better ought
+
+to be to not gone on,
+
+not leave this spot.
+
+
+"The future is not something we enter,
+it's something we create."  
+Leonard Swift
+
+
 July 10, 2020
 
 I can get a job in a week in a global recession.

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index e9c8c69..9500770 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -1,3 +1,10 @@
+July 10, 2020
+
+I can get a job in a week in a global recession.
+
+It might sound like a brag, but it's a confession.
+
+
 July 2, 2020
 
 So I am hired to work for VIPKID as an English teacher of Chinese students online.  I have to pass training and actually had to get a new laptop so I could download the app, but I think that this is going to be really good for me.  Ever since the onslaught of the pandemic, when I used my first video to talk to family and friends, I realized a super outgoing person like me, still can feel very good about video relationships.  In fact, to some degree, I get to control a little more in my video relationships.  In family jitsi's or my creative writing support group, I get to totally skip the ones that I am not feeling up to doing.  Likewise, with VIPKID, I get to set my own hours.  Speaking of hours, if I just work 2 or 3 hours, 5 days per week, I will easily double my income, and get to keep every penny due to the fact I will be still earning under the maximum disability earnings.  So that is one big bonus incentive for me and I can only imagine how it will change my life if I can keep it up!  You might have heard teaching online in China means working late hours, but already 6 hours exist during my normal waking hours when I can be earning and teaching (6-9AM and PM).  

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index a691cbe..e9c8c69 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -1,3 +1,18 @@
+July 2, 2020
+
+So I am hired to work for VIPKID as an English teacher of Chinese students online.  I have to pass training and actually had to get a new laptop so I could download the app, but I think that this is going to be really good for me.  Ever since the onslaught of the pandemic, when I used my first video to talk to family and friends, I realized a super outgoing person like me, still can feel very good about video relationships.  In fact, to some degree, I get to control a little more in my video relationships.  In family jitsi's or my creative writing support group, I get to totally skip the ones that I am not feeling up to doing.  Likewise, with VIPKID, I get to set my own hours.  Speaking of hours, if I just work 2 or 3 hours, 5 days per week, I will easily double my income, and get to keep every penny due to the fact I will be still earning under the maximum disability earnings.  So that is one big bonus incentive for me and I can only imagine how it will change my life if I can keep it up!  You might have heard teaching online in China means working late hours, but already 6 hours exist during my normal waking hours when I can be earning and teaching (6-9AM and PM).  
+What time is it in Bejing?Right now it is 7:50 PM in Bejing.  They are exactly 12 hours ahead!  
+Do I have to know Mandarin?  No!  Just hold a 4 year degree and be a native English speaker!
+How many American teachers teach for VIPKID?
+60,000  A small city of teachers like me!
+What is the pay?16-24 dollars an hour.  16 base pay with lots of incentives to earn much more.  There is also no limit to how many hours teachers can earn.
+What are some cons to teaching VIPKID?I don't get to put my own touch to things.  I don't get to prepare my own lessons.  The company is supposed to not be very supportive.  It's a big corporation.  So on!
+What was VIPKID's response to Covid?In February 2020, VIPKid donated 1.5 million English and math classes to affected students from the COVID-19 pandemic. Students in the city of Wuhan, Hubei Province, and children of medical workers were given priority for free classes.
+
+Why work?I was content not working, but I would like to start some part time wage earning, and the kids are really cute in China and I look forward to teaching them English!  
+
+
+
 June 30, 2020
 
 We All Meditate Already:  Teaching Meditation to Early Learners

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+June 30, 2020
+
+We All Meditate Already:  Teaching Meditation to Early Learners
+
+Meditation may be the ultimate thing that saved my mental health, but the word meditation did not help me get anywhere when I first heard it because the word seemed complicated and not easy to implement.  It was my sister, a doctor, who told me she thought meditation would help me.  She said it over the phone, and I remember getting a blank feeling from the suggestion.  I think sometimes people feel judgement around the idea of meditating in response to mental illness.  Personally, I just didn’t know what it was or how to do it, and I didn’t get answers that made easy sense to me for a long time.  I think it would have been better to simply say something different, and I have in mind an approach that for me would have been better to use in talking about meditation.  My nature is that of a teacher, and I also know through my English education that every single word can be an obstacle to someone trying to learn something new, simply because it is new to us.  So when I try to tell someone something they might not already know, as a teacher, I want to be certain they know what I am talking about, and if they don’t I want to be as basic as possible when I go to explain the term.  Someone might think I slow down too much for learners, maybe, but I am willing to take the risk.  
+
+So let me expand upon how I would explain mediation to a new learner.  When I think about things we need to feel good, to me, meditation is something almost everyone could benefit from experiencing, just as we need food or water or sleep to feel good, we all need meditation.  Not everyone is definitely aware that they need meditation to feel good.   But I think all of us need meditation, and I think to an extent, all of us meditate.  When I feel overwhelmed or like I’ve been doing too much, that is one great example of when I might meditate.  Just stopping for long enough to be aware that you are breathing, is to me meditation.  Sitting on the front porch, or in a comfortable space, and not really doing anything else, is to me one form of meditation.  Stopping from what you’ve been doing, and taking a minute to decompress or process your emotions or what you’ve learned is meditation.  Just as often, walking, solo or walking a dog, has meditative components.  Often ideas come to us when we exercise, and to me that is meditative.  Writing is often meditative.  Some would say all writing is meditative.  I know certainly that journaling is one of the highest degrees of being meditative that writing can be.  When you lie down, if you are not instantly falling asleep, that time before sleeping is often meditative.  
+
+Major processing does not have to occur for you to be meditating.  You don’t have to feel you are accomplishing something great.  I think meditating can be described in as simple terms as “taking a break.”  In this high production oriented world, stopping anything isn’t always what people are striving to do.  Some people might think I am calling things meditation that actually aren’t.  There certainly are myriad very in depth ways to meditate, and improving one’s meditation skills can take a lot of work and higher understanding, but I also believe it is a very basic part of life for all of us, just something we might not do enough.  
+
+
+
 June 28, 2020
 
 If I had known about TEFL degrees when I was 18 I would be making a b-line to get mine, instead of spending 12 years trying to obtain a 4 year degree from Berea College. So TEFL is Teaching English as a Foreign Language, and it is a degree that can be obtained in 10 to 12 weeks. If you are 18 and you have a TEFL degree, that gives you the automatic ability to earn 20 dollars an hour working from home online teaching English to foreign students. You also could decide to use your TEFL to teach abroad, and it is the only degree you really would need for many places, and the pay can be very high with a TEFL degree. Japan - $2,200-$5,000 per Month. Saudi Arabia - $3,000-$4,000 per Month. ...Kuwait - $2,600-$4,000 per Month. ...Oman - $2,000-$3,500 per Month. ...Taiwan - $2,000-$3,000 per Month. ...South Korea - $1,600-$2,650 per Month. ...China - $1,400-$2,200 per Month. ...Hong Kong - $3,000-$6,500 per Month. If you get a TEFL degree, you want to research the best company, and get the best one. It will cost around 1,200 dollars for the degree, but it is so worth it. Many people don't realize that English language skills are some of the most valuable skills people can have if you are interested in exploring the world, or just making lots of money working from wherever you want to be. What do you think about that?

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+June 28, 2020
+
+If I had known about TEFL degrees when I was 18 I would be making a b-line to get mine, instead of spending 12 years trying to obtain a 4 year degree from Berea College. So TEFL is Teaching English as a Foreign Language, and it is a degree that can be obtained in 10 to 12 weeks. If you are 18 and you have a TEFL degree, that gives you the automatic ability to earn 20 dollars an hour working from home online teaching English to foreign students. You also could decide to use your TEFL to teach abroad, and it is the only degree you really would need for many places, and the pay can be very high with a TEFL degree. Japan - $2,200-$5,000 per Month. Saudi Arabia - $3,000-$4,000 per Month. ...Kuwait - $2,600-$4,000 per Month. ...Oman - $2,000-$3,500 per Month. ...Taiwan - $2,000-$3,000 per Month. ...South Korea - $1,600-$2,650 per Month. ...China - $1,400-$2,200 per Month. ...Hong Kong - $3,000-$6,500 per Month. If you get a TEFL degree, you want to research the best company, and get the best one. It will cost around 1,200 dollars for the degree, but it is so worth it. Many people don't realize that English language skills are some of the most valuable skills people can have if you are interested in exploring the world, or just making lots of money working from wherever you want to be. What do you think about that?
+
 June 22, 2020
 
 There is a beauty

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+June 22, 2020
+
+There is a beauty
+
+to the negative space
+
+creeping around art,
+
+something majestic
+
+in bare husks.  
+
+[[!img husks8.JPG align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]
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+[[!img husks1.JPG align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]
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 June 4, 2020
@@ -301,3 +317,6 @@ At least I am healthy and safe.  At least I can sit on my porch and be 6 feet fr
 
 
 
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-June 6, 2020
 
-I am feeling kind of blue today because I went back and read an email from last summer, when I had my recent manic episode/hospitalization, and I am aware that a lot of people turned their backs on me during that time.  It is painful to read and probably I should just permanently delete all of the emails from last summer.  
-
-I went 15 years between hospital visits, and still my family was not able to care for me when I needed them.  
 
 June 4, 2020