Recent changes to this wiki:

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
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--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -1 +1,15 @@
-pending
+My computer is an old desktop.  I always feel more focused when I sit down before my computer.  I've started to call the computer "focus."  
+
+Computers are super talented.  But I'm certain human minds have something more in one special area, that happens to be something I might just do more than most other humans, my superpower, let's say.  Or maybe it is a malfunction, but it is something I do that you do too, that I sometimes do in a way you probably don't.  
+
+Maybe you have been reading my blog and the finicky relationship I have with it, over time, and you can look back and guess what it is I am talking about.  
+
+I will give more information, but first, one person, or smart robot, will have to leave me a guess in the comments.  So I am going to play a game with you.  
+
+I know something that you might not agree with but that I think is true.  
+
+It is something we all do, but in another form, it is something only maybe 5 % or less of the population does.  
+
+So we have part A and part B.  Part A = what do we all do that computers cannot?  Part B = what is it I do that some scientists agree is a lot like Part A, but that only a small segment of the population ever will do?  
+
+I'll throw in one final hint.  Some people might have to break the law to try to do what I do naturally.  

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index 8ae2cd6..8a43550 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -1,298 +1 @@
-
-Fate is Choice, Calling
-
-
-
-
-
-Themes are known to reoccur, in human behavior.   There are areas we keep coming back to:  cycles, lessons, seasons.  
-
-I just wrote down ten times the idea of fate of calling occurred for me in my life, and the funny thing is, I didn’t realize the commonality between these times until I physically started listing them.  And it took for something to happen a tenth time to make me realize these major moments around fate of calling are going to keep coming until I study the idea deeper in my own words, so I can extract from it my lesson learned.  Maybe it doesn’t matter as much how I got to this point as much as what I am going to take away from this realization.  
-
-There was this idea that I might know what to do with my life that began before anyone ever asked me the therapeutic question.  Then in college Elizabeth Vega asked me “what would you do if you could do anything without limitations?”  It seemed like such a big question then, impossible to answer, but something I wanted to try to think of more.  Then I went to Costa Rica, a second time in 2015, and when I got there, my plans started not working out, and I wasn’t sure why I had gone there.  But when I had gone before in 2001, I had met a wise elderly Quaker, one Lucky Guindon, and I found myself climbing a steep vine covered hill because I wanted to speak with her again before returning to the States.  When I got up to see her, I don’t know what caused me to ask the following question:  “Is life fate or a choice?”  And her response was that it is both.  Then maybe the following year, but seemingly unconnected, I asked a family friend the same therapeutic question Elizabeth Vega had asked me, encouraging her to journal on the subject.  That was the third occurrence of fate of calling.  Then an old college friend left a message on my answering machine that basically said “the story of our life is our decision.”  So in the past month, this idea has come back to me again and again, like waves.  It even came back to me in the form of qi gong which seems to be a form of meditative movement that uses bodily energy to construct purpose.  Also, there is a chinese idea I just read about, Xiu Yang that means you choose your destiny.  There even is the Fleetwood Mac song, “You can go your own way.”  So in all of this I sensed a pattern.  But what exactly is it and what is it saying to me?
-
-So what comes to mind is write this as if I was teaching the lesson or sharing my answers in self help form.  Instead of writing my exploration, writing as if I actually have wisdom of my own.  So here goes.  
-
-
-These are things you might hear waiting to get into the library or in the hair salon.  “When it rains it pours!”  and  “It feels like fate.”
-
-But I stand before no barber shop or house of books and those are the things I am feeling, the rain of a thousand fates, all connecting in this moment.  
-
-I guess the rain part is in 2 parts.  Both my phone is “exploding” with text messages from various people because something has opened in my communications with my 30 contacts.  That and the idea of destiny, of fate, of life’s calling, or purpose is resurfacing for me all over the place, so in that, it also feels like rain.  It’s raining meaning, I guess.
-
-It wasn’t that long ago that I was alone, feeling peerless, or just wondering why am I here?  People have often told me to do God’s work when I figure out what it is, but I am 38, and so far my life has been more of a seeker than a sojourner.  
-
-This is feeling like the beginning of a book.  Already I can think of ten necessary chapters in addition to this introduction.  Just as I was beginning to think I would “just be a poet,” which is something that has occurred to me over and over again and again.  
-
-Autumn says “everything seems to happen in cycles with me.”  She’s right.  This isn’t the first time I have started writing a book about my calling of writing a book.  Maybe that doesn’t make sense yet.  
-
-I didn’t use to think my life would feel prosperous as it does now.  My phone is blowing up and they all are people I want to hear from and talk to.  That is what I mean in prosperity, regarding connection and fulfilling the intention Life meant for me.  
-
-I have come a long way.  
-
-Actually it is so funny about my phone.  I have come so far with the telephone.  More than one time, I had such a bad relationship with my phone and the people in it that I threw it in a trashcan down town and tried to leave it completely, only to drive back to that spot and retrieve it before the trash collector took it away.  
-
-How a person feels about their phone seems to reflect how they feel about themselves.  
-
-So maybe I should start with a brief history of my phone relationship.  
-
-In middle school, my best friend and I spent forever talking together on the phone.  Maybe it was a rotary, but I think it was a cordless landlines for both of us, her at her parent’s house and me at mine.  It was pretty healthy then.  We had long lingering hang ups, where neither of us would hang up.  
-
-I could give a chronological account of phones, but the main point is this:  they were hard for me in my early adulthood.  Relationships also were hard.  Lately I feel much better regarding both.  I am sure I will hit future rough patches, but something is growing in my phone, and with all of the people lucky enough to be tied to me on my list of numbers.
-
-Chapter 1
-
-Fate is Choice
-
-
-
-Listen my children, deep in each person, and you will hear, stretching wisdom, diminishing fears.
-
-Nobody gives us a book of answers, but this book intends to offer the kind of answers that growing adults seem to desire.  
-
-What are you going to do with your one precious life?  What would make your mother proud?  What would make you proud if you were transported into a future version of yourself and looking back at your life?
-
-The question might feel like a bad starting place for comfort’s sake.  It can feel like an uneasy question to be asked.  What do you want to be when you grow up?  This is another way of putting it, a way that has turned off many young children from wanting to answer the question.  The idea is too big for them to always know the answer.  
-
-Maybe a better question might be “what do you feel like you were born to do?”  But that can seem to giant of a question to.  
-
-Maybe the problem with these giant questions is they are overwhelming, and do not give any kind of guide or piece by piece instruction regarding how to the questions into bite size pieces.  This book tries to offer an inch by inch map to your destiny, to give you a clearer picture of what you might do with your life if you could do anything in the world without limits.  
-
-
-
-
-So the idea starts with a big statement.  You choose your own destiny.  Even if you are confused about your next step or the end goal for you, you already happen to be deciding your life course, in every tiny breath, in every moment of your life.  
-
-So you picked up this book for a reason.  
-
-Claiming your power as an actor in life doesn’t always feel confident.  But you should maybe take some deep breaths just realizing the true fact that you have done everything right so far, and you couldn’t possibly go in the wrong direction.  
-
-Every thing you have done, no matter how it may seem like a mistake or fumble, was there for a reason.  On one end, the reason is simple, you made the choice, you did the mistake, you picked the path.  So on that side, there is choice.  You make decisions every second, and it might feel like they brought you to a dark or scary place or maybe you are just confused about how you feel about what you have done or if you’ve done enough.  This book says all of your choices are your fate.  If you made a mistake it is OK because now you can learn a lesson.  If you feel lost it is OK because sometimes you have to really get lost to find the right question to guide you.  And yes, it is the questions that guide us, not the answers.  
-So what are some of the guiding questions in your life?  Because learning people savor the questions and find inspiration and gladness in that dark woods of being lost in.  
-
-
-Honestly, the simple way to say this, the best way to tell you what you need to know is one brief phrase is “Trust the process.”  
-What in the World do you Know?
-
-One time someone pointed out to me that my answer to everything seemed to be “I don’t know.”  I was proud of the fact I admitted what I did not know.  I saw in that response a superior level of humility, which is a funny thing to be proud of, admittedly.  
-
-Now I am realizing that I know what I need to do and am learning to trust the process and recognize that even what seem to be missteps will build in me improved resilience for which I am grateful.  
-
-______
-
-
-<br>When a Friend Pointed Out, My Reaction Might be Normal</br>
-
-<br>Maybe it actually was the insane part of me</br>
-<br>Who said “I need to give myself a news break</br>
-<br>to restore my mental wellbeing.”</br>
-
-<br>Of course it probably wasn’t technically</br>
-<br>sane or insane just to turn off the smart phone,</br>
-<br>but watching a bully led mob try to take control</br>
-
-<br>of this beautiful land with violence alone</br>
-<br>was making my skin crawl,</br>
-<br>and seeing them get pretty close</br>
-
-<br>twisted my lens of the world</br>
-<br>too much</br>
-<br>that I might meditate myself to a better place.</br>
-
-<br>Because I know mindfulness is important</br>
-<br>towards being able to carry on in a calm state,</br>
-<br>yet in this one time, maybe maintaining calm</br>
-
-<br>was not what was actually needed.</br>
-<br>If someone was throwing flames</br>
-<br>upon my house, it would not make sense</br> 
-
-<br>to think happy thoughts in that moment.</br>
-<br>There is self preservation, awareness of breath,</br>
-<br>but we need Democracy to have air left at all.</br>
-
-
-
-
--------------
-
-
-I Want to Continue Exploring my Appalachian Identity, Because There is Something More There
-
-But before I start let me point out the obvious.  Donald Trump is about as distant from being an Appalachian as Arnold Schwarzenegger or the blow hole of a whale.  You can't claim somebody a hillbilly just because they have an awful demeanor.  In fact, that is also the opposite of what I mean when I say Hillbilly.  
-
-So what is a Hillbilly and why do I identify that way?  
-
-I could write pages about what Appalachian Hillbilly means broadly, but I want to explore what it means to me.  
-
-I have heard people say Appalachians are independent people, individuals, strong minded, willing to take up a cause and fight to maintain what we care about.  I am all of those things.  
-
-I don't think that any of the stereotype of Appalachia is necessary for the person to identify as hillbilly.  So many  are tied to this region in more diverse or varied ways than the standard 7th generation Mountain person.  New waves of Appalachians still are Appalachians, still have the right to claim this identity if we want to.  
-
-There are about as many variations as Appalachians.  I know my Mom is from Massachusetts and I still claim myself hillbilly.  Daddy is from West Virginia, but even if he wasn't I think my living in Northeast Tennessee most of my life allows me the right to call myself this way.  
-
-You certainly don't have to be white to be Appalachian.  It always interests me which people of color want to identify Appalachian and which prefer to run screaming in the opposite direction.  
-
-I think this is one of those concepts I need to personally dig much deeper into, which means I think I am going to be writing about it every week or so, just to understand it better myself.  
-
-I have a funny memory of the term Appalachia.  The first time I remember hearing it may have been negative.  Like some kid in school saying "I'm not some dumb Appalachian." Then I might have been in the 6th grade, and my older sister Anna started thinking more about the term as it applies to herself.  She identified as Appalachian, and I think I asked her why since my peer had called them dumb.  
-
-I think she paused and thought a little about how to talk to a kid about this term.  Then she said, "the people of this region are Appalachian.  You get to decide whether you identify with the term or not.  Do you?"  
-
-And so the question was put back to me in that way at an early age, and I had to stop myself and think it over.  My gut decision was I am one of them, because I live in this region too.  
-
-It may sound simple to have a regional identity just because you live in a region.  But in a way it is a very pragmatic reason to identify a way.  
-
-I used to go to a place called Exchange Place, which is in Kingsport TN and used to be run by family friends, and now has been passed on to some family acquaintances.  Exchange Place is a living history farm that embraces and reenacts farm living experiences from the 1850s.  There always was culturally something to be valued from embracing the old ways.   This could be as simple as making your own sour dough bread, to saving heirloom seeds, to using a horse to pull a plow.  Old ways are at the heart of what I would call ideal hillbilly culture.  Old ways not only preserve a kind of heritage, it also harkens back to those traditional personality traits that I so love about Appalachian people, the individualism, the independence, the willingness to take up a cause, the strong mind.
-
-A friend of mine works in mental health and told me sometimes Appalachians can be stubborn about accepting treatment because of this individualism.  So it is not just a pro, all of these traits can also be a con.  It really is important not to romanticize hillbillies, or any group that can be ostracized due to stereotype or even racially.  
-
-I am not done writing about this, but I need a break.  
-
-
-----------------
-
-Watching the News is Counter to Activism
-
-I found myself watching news because there is a dark or morbid part of me that wanted to spend hours rehashing the grim events that recently unfolded in Washington.  
-
-I usually am happier and more aware of mindfulness, but with recent news, I let myself care about it too much and I also just sat passive in front of informational videos while I forgot I was breathing.
-
-I do not believe I am a purely lite person.  
-
-There is a darkness to me that I have known before that I can experience again.  
-
-I wrote a poem about the light lines on tree branches and the peace and comfort they bring me.  
-
-There is always a chance to slip into a deep depression, but I don't think that is the darkest thing that can happen.
-
-As I said in my poem, there is a light and dark to everything.
-
-My meditation book suggested looking at nature and focusing on the shadows and then the brightness and going back and forth between them to understand neutrality.  
-
-In meditation, I know we do better not judging our thoughts, keeping a passive attitude towards them.  
-
-There is inside of me a news addict and someone who writes beautiful poems about nature.  
-
-There is inside of me a lover and a snark.
-
-I was thinking about the battle dark and lightness seem to fight.  
-
-Some say good always wins, but I believe everything is also dark in the end, literal blackness feels to me more powerful than fire.  
-
-Fire extinguishes.  
-
-Life fades.
-
-Qi, energy, passes.  
-
-Tree lines are eaten up by the night.  
-
-Maybe there is a warped part of me that votes for impermanence over everlasting joy.  
-
-Or maybe ending is more beautiful, not bad, not morbid, but graceful.
-
-The orange leaf falls to the ground, littering the Earth with nutrition.  

(Diff truncated)
diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index 3bac21a..8ae2cd6 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -1,12 +1,7 @@
-Feel free to think of the following dump as Part 1.  
 
 Fate is Choice, Calling
 
-by Maggie Hess
 
-copyright 2021
-
-Cracked Nut Press
 
 
 

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index c90ab7d..3bac21a 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -1,3 +1,91 @@
+Feel free to think of the following dump as Part 1.  
+
+Fate is Choice, Calling
+
+by Maggie Hess
+
+copyright 2021
+
+Cracked Nut Press
+
+
+
+Themes are known to reoccur, in human behavior.   There are areas we keep coming back to:  cycles, lessons, seasons.  
+
+I just wrote down ten times the idea of fate of calling occurred for me in my life, and the funny thing is, I didn’t realize the commonality between these times until I physically started listing them.  And it took for something to happen a tenth time to make me realize these major moments around fate of calling are going to keep coming until I study the idea deeper in my own words, so I can extract from it my lesson learned.  Maybe it doesn’t matter as much how I got to this point as much as what I am going to take away from this realization.  
+
+There was this idea that I might know what to do with my life that began before anyone ever asked me the therapeutic question.  Then in college Elizabeth Vega asked me “what would you do if you could do anything without limitations?”  It seemed like such a big question then, impossible to answer, but something I wanted to try to think of more.  Then I went to Costa Rica, a second time in 2015, and when I got there, my plans started not working out, and I wasn’t sure why I had gone there.  But when I had gone before in 2001, I had met a wise elderly Quaker, one Lucky Guindon, and I found myself climbing a steep vine covered hill because I wanted to speak with her again before returning to the States.  When I got up to see her, I don’t know what caused me to ask the following question:  “Is life fate or a choice?”  And her response was that it is both.  Then maybe the following year, but seemingly unconnected, I asked a family friend the same therapeutic question Elizabeth Vega had asked me, encouraging her to journal on the subject.  That was the third occurrence of fate of calling.  Then an old college friend left a message on my answering machine that basically said “the story of our life is our decision.”  So in the past month, this idea has come back to me again and again, like waves.  It even came back to me in the form of qi gong which seems to be a form of meditative movement that uses bodily energy to construct purpose.  Also, there is a chinese idea I just read about, Xiu Yang that means you choose your destiny.  There even is the Fleetwood Mac song, “You can go your own way.”  So in all of this I sensed a pattern.  But what exactly is it and what is it saying to me?
+
+So what comes to mind is write this as if I was teaching the lesson or sharing my answers in self help form.  Instead of writing my exploration, writing as if I actually have wisdom of my own.  So here goes.  
+
+
+These are things you might hear waiting to get into the library or in the hair salon.  “When it rains it pours!”  and  “It feels like fate.”
+
+But I stand before no barber shop or house of books and those are the things I am feeling, the rain of a thousand fates, all connecting in this moment.  
+
+I guess the rain part is in 2 parts.  Both my phone is “exploding” with text messages from various people because something has opened in my communications with my 30 contacts.  That and the idea of destiny, of fate, of life’s calling, or purpose is resurfacing for me all over the place, so in that, it also feels like rain.  It’s raining meaning, I guess.
+
+It wasn’t that long ago that I was alone, feeling peerless, or just wondering why am I here?  People have often told me to do God’s work when I figure out what it is, but I am 38, and so far my life has been more of a seeker than a sojourner.  
+
+This is feeling like the beginning of a book.  Already I can think of ten necessary chapters in addition to this introduction.  Just as I was beginning to think I would “just be a poet,” which is something that has occurred to me over and over again and again.  
+
+Autumn says “everything seems to happen in cycles with me.”  She’s right.  This isn’t the first time I have started writing a book about my calling of writing a book.  Maybe that doesn’t make sense yet.  
+
+I didn’t use to think my life would feel prosperous as it does now.  My phone is blowing up and they all are people I want to hear from and talk to.  That is what I mean in prosperity, regarding connection and fulfilling the intention Life meant for me.  
+
+I have come a long way.  
+
+Actually it is so funny about my phone.  I have come so far with the telephone.  More than one time, I had such a bad relationship with my phone and the people in it that I threw it in a trashcan down town and tried to leave it completely, only to drive back to that spot and retrieve it before the trash collector took it away.  
+
+How a person feels about their phone seems to reflect how they feel about themselves.  
+
+So maybe I should start with a brief history of my phone relationship.  
+
+In middle school, my best friend and I spent forever talking together on the phone.  Maybe it was a rotary, but I think it was a cordless landlines for both of us, her at her parent’s house and me at mine.  It was pretty healthy then.  We had long lingering hang ups, where neither of us would hang up.  
+
+I could give a chronological account of phones, but the main point is this:  they were hard for me in my early adulthood.  Relationships also were hard.  Lately I feel much better regarding both.  I am sure I will hit future rough patches, but something is growing in my phone, and with all of the people lucky enough to be tied to me on my list of numbers.
+
+Chapter 1
+
+Fate is Choice
+
+
+
+Listen my children, deep in each person, and you will hear, stretching wisdom, diminishing fears.
+
+Nobody gives us a book of answers, but this book intends to offer the kind of answers that growing adults seem to desire.  
+
+What are you going to do with your one precious life?  What would make your mother proud?  What would make you proud if you were transported into a future version of yourself and looking back at your life?
+
+The question might feel like a bad starting place for comfort’s sake.  It can feel like an uneasy question to be asked.  What do you want to be when you grow up?  This is another way of putting it, a way that has turned off many young children from wanting to answer the question.  The idea is too big for them to always know the answer.  
+
+Maybe a better question might be “what do you feel like you were born to do?”  But that can seem to giant of a question to.  
+
+Maybe the problem with these giant questions is they are overwhelming, and do not give any kind of guide or piece by piece instruction regarding how to the questions into bite size pieces.  This book tries to offer an inch by inch map to your destiny, to give you a clearer picture of what you might do with your life if you could do anything in the world without limits.  
+
+
+
+
+So the idea starts with a big statement.  You choose your own destiny.  Even if you are confused about your next step or the end goal for you, you already happen to be deciding your life course, in every tiny breath, in every moment of your life.  
+
+So you picked up this book for a reason.  
+
+Claiming your power as an actor in life doesn’t always feel confident.  But you should maybe take some deep breaths just realizing the true fact that you have done everything right so far, and you couldn’t possibly go in the wrong direction.  
+
+Every thing you have done, no matter how it may seem like a mistake or fumble, was there for a reason.  On one end, the reason is simple, you made the choice, you did the mistake, you picked the path.  So on that side, there is choice.  You make decisions every second, and it might feel like they brought you to a dark or scary place or maybe you are just confused about how you feel about what you have done or if you’ve done enough.  This book says all of your choices are your fate.  If you made a mistake it is OK because now you can learn a lesson.  If you feel lost it is OK because sometimes you have to really get lost to find the right question to guide you.  And yes, it is the questions that guide us, not the answers.  
+So what are some of the guiding questions in your life?  Because learning people savor the questions and find inspiration and gladness in that dark woods of being lost in.  
+
+
+Honestly, the simple way to say this, the best way to tell you what you need to know is one brief phrase is “Trust the process.”  
+What in the World do you Know?
+
+One time someone pointed out to me that my answer to everything seemed to be “I don’t know.”  I was proud of the fact I admitted what I did not know.  I saw in that response a superior level of humility, which is a funny thing to be proud of, admittedly.  
+
+Now I am realizing that I know what I need to do and am learning to trust the process and recognize that even what seem to be missteps will build in me improved resilience for which I am grateful.  
+
+______
+
+
 <br>When a Friend Pointed Out, My Reaction Might be Normal</br>
 
 <br>Maybe it actually was the insane part of me</br>

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index 40c8104..c90ab7d 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -1,3 +1,39 @@
+<br>When a Friend Pointed Out, My Reaction Might be Normal</br>
+
+<br>Maybe it actually was the insane part of me</br>
+<br>Who said “I need to give myself a news break</br>
+<br>to restore my mental wellbeing.”</br>
+
+<br>Of course it probably wasn’t technically</br>
+<br>sane or insane just to turn off the smart phone,</br>
+<br>but watching a bully led mob try to take control</br>
+
+<br>of this beautiful land with violence alone</br>
+<br>was making my skin crawl,</br>
+<br>and seeing them get pretty close</br>
+
+<br>twisted my lens of the world</br>
+<br>too much</br>
+<br>that I might meditate myself to a better place.</br>
+
+<br>Because I know mindfulness is important</br>
+<br>towards being able to carry on in a calm state,</br>
+<br>yet in this one time, maybe maintaining calm</br>
+
+<br>was not what was actually needed.</br>
+<br>If someone was throwing flames</br>
+<br>upon my house, it would not make sense</br> 
+
+<br>to think happy thoughts in that moment.</br>
+<br>There is self preservation, awareness of breath,</br>
+<br>but we need Democracy to have air left at all.</br>
+
+
+
+
+-------------
+
+
 I Want to Continue Exploring my Appalachian Identity, Because There is Something More There
 
 But before I start let me point out the obvious.  Donald Trump is about as distant from being an Appalachian as Arnold Schwarzenegger or the blow hole of a whale.  You can't claim somebody a hillbilly just because they have an awful demeanor.  In fact, that is also the opposite of what I mean when I say Hillbilly.  

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index 83a1ea1..40c8104 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -31,7 +31,7 @@ A friend of mine works in mental health and told me sometimes Appalachians can b
 I am not done writing about this, but I need a break.  
 
 
-
+----------------
 
 Watching the News is Counter to Activism
 

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index 51f0335..83a1ea1 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -1,3 +1,38 @@
+I Want to Continue Exploring my Appalachian Identity, Because There is Something More There
+
+But before I start let me point out the obvious.  Donald Trump is about as distant from being an Appalachian as Arnold Schwarzenegger or the blow hole of a whale.  You can't claim somebody a hillbilly just because they have an awful demeanor.  In fact, that is also the opposite of what I mean when I say Hillbilly.  
+
+So what is a Hillbilly and why do I identify that way?  
+
+I could write pages about what Appalachian Hillbilly means broadly, but I want to explore what it means to me.  
+
+I have heard people say Appalachians are independent people, individuals, strong minded, willing to take up a cause and fight to maintain what we care about.  I am all of those things.  
+
+I don't think that any of the stereotype of Appalachia is necessary for the person to identify as hillbilly.  So many  are tied to this region in more diverse or varied ways than the standard 7th generation Mountain person.  New waves of Appalachians still are Appalachians, still have the right to claim this identity if we want to.  
+
+There are about as many variations as Appalachians.  I know my Mom is from Massachusetts and I still claim myself hillbilly.  Daddy is from West Virginia, but even if he wasn't I think my living in Northeast Tennessee most of my life allows me the right to call myself this way.  
+
+You certainly don't have to be white to be Appalachian.  It always interests me which people of color want to identify Appalachian and which prefer to run screaming in the opposite direction.  
+
+I think this is one of those concepts I need to personally dig much deeper into, which means I think I am going to be writing about it every week or so, just to understand it better myself.  
+
+I have a funny memory of the term Appalachia.  The first time I remember hearing it may have been negative.  Like some kid in school saying "I'm not some dumb Appalachian." Then I might have been in the 6th grade, and my older sister Anna started thinking more about the term as it applies to herself.  She identified as Appalachian, and I think I asked her why since my peer had called them dumb.  
+
+I think she paused and thought a little about how to talk to a kid about this term.  Then she said, "the people of this region are Appalachian.  You get to decide whether you identify with the term or not.  Do you?"  
+
+And so the question was put back to me in that way at an early age, and I had to stop myself and think it over.  My gut decision was I am one of them, because I live in this region too.  
+
+It may sound simple to have a regional identity just because you live in a region.  But in a way it is a very pragmatic reason to identify a way.  
+
+I used to go to a place called Exchange Place, which is in Kingsport TN and used to be run by family friends, and now has been passed on to some family acquaintances.  Exchange Place is a living history farm that embraces and reenacts farm living experiences from the 1850s.  There always was culturally something to be valued from embracing the old ways.   This could be as simple as making your own sour dough bread, to saving heirloom seeds, to using a horse to pull a plow.  Old ways are at the heart of what I would call ideal hillbilly culture.  Old ways not only preserve a kind of heritage, it also harkens back to those traditional personality traits that I so love about Appalachian people, the individualism, the independence, the willingness to take up a cause, the strong mind.
+
+A friend of mine works in mental health and told me sometimes Appalachians can be stubborn about accepting treatment because of this individualism.  So it is not just a pro, all of these traits can also be a con.  It really is important not to romanticize hillbillies, or any group that can be ostracized due to stereotype or even racially.  
+
+I am not done writing about this, but I need a break.  
+
+
+
+
 Watching the News is Counter to Activism
 
 I found myself watching news because there is a dark or morbid part of me that wanted to spend hours rehashing the grim events that recently unfolded in Washington.  

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index 0209ec3..51f0335 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -1,3 +1,5 @@
+Watching the News is Counter to Activism
+
 I found myself watching news because there is a dark or morbid part of me that wanted to spend hours rehashing the grim events that recently unfolded in Washington.  
 
 I usually am happier and more aware of mindfulness, but with recent news, I let myself care about it too much and I also just sat passive in front of informational videos while I forgot I was breathing.

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index c870d99..0209ec3 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -1,3 +1,53 @@
+I found myself watching news because there is a dark or morbid part of me that wanted to spend hours rehashing the grim events that recently unfolded in Washington.  
+
+I usually am happier and more aware of mindfulness, but with recent news, I let myself care about it too much and I also just sat passive in front of informational videos while I forgot I was breathing.
+
+I do not believe I am a purely lite person.  
+
+There is a darkness to me that I have known before that I can experience again.  
+
+I wrote a poem about the light lines on tree branches and the peace and comfort they bring me.  
+
+There is always a chance to slip into a deep depression, but I don't think that is the darkest thing that can happen.
+
+As I said in my poem, there is a light and dark to everything.
+
+My meditation book suggested looking at nature and focusing on the shadows and then the brightness and going back and forth between them to understand neutrality.  
+
+In meditation, I know we do better not judging our thoughts, keeping a passive attitude towards them.  
+
+There is inside of me a news addict and someone who writes beautiful poems about nature.  
+
+There is inside of me a lover and a snark.
+
+I was thinking about the battle dark and lightness seem to fight.  
+
+Some say good always wins, but I believe everything is also dark in the end, literal blackness feels to me more powerful than fire.  
+
+Fire extinguishes.  
+
+Life fades.
+
+Qi, energy, passes.  
+
+Tree lines are eaten up by the night.  
+
+Maybe there is a warped part of me that votes for impermanence over everlasting joy.  
+
+Or maybe ending is more beautiful, not bad, not morbid, but graceful.
+
+The orange leaf falls to the ground, littering the Earth with nutrition.  
+
+Maybe I am just singing the Circle of Life.
+
+Or maybe I am studying deep my Tao.  
+
+Whatever the answer is, I am shutting of the news.  
+
+I am tired of listening to the ignorant voices I have at times tuned in, when I could just listen to my own wisdom.  
+
+-------------------------
+
 Transitioning Our Response to Society's Ideals
 
 Society is where we get the wrong part of our work ethic.  Passion for a calling can lead us to work too, which still should be balanced with doing things to take care of ourselves.  Lots of people have a hard time asking for a single day off from work, often because they have inner obstacles built by the societal idea that we must work.  

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index 94cb414..c870d99 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -1,3 +1,21 @@
+Transitioning Our Response to Society's Ideals
+
+Society is where we get the wrong part of our work ethic.  Passion for a calling can lead us to work too, which still should be balanced with doing things to take care of ourselves.  Lots of people have a hard time asking for a single day off from work, often because they have inner obstacles built by the societal idea that we must work.  
+
+Not working can be hard for someone with a new disability.  I have a friend like this.  Personally, I generally love not working, but there are times when I imagine life could be better with work.  I applied to 3 more MFA programs, recently, but I think I still might say no (again) if accepted.  
+
+Saying no takes more strength, self awareness, and is often the compassionate way.  I don't think work often exercises Buddhist practice.  Non-doing can accomplish much.  
+
+Another concept is Xiu Yang, which says we are in charge of our personal destinies.  Personally, maybe echoing something Anna once expressed, I don't think people working is necessary for our Xiu Yang.  For me, Xiu Yang is talking about what we would do if we could do anything without obstacles as our destiny.  
+
+We don't need material things that keep us paying for them.  Technically most of us could join a monastery and live with very limited means.  I once read I am not allowed to join a monastery because I have a mental disability.  I am trying to build a monastery closer to home.
+
+All of us probably have a kind of pull between doing and nondoing, between work and rest, between active and mediative.  When we plan our lives, which side is pulling us?  Are we pushing towards activity or settling in?  Are we listening more to society's idea that we have to accomplish certain things to be normal too much?
+
+I know I have listened too much to that idea.  I am working harder on that now.
+
+_____
+
 Midnight quenching
 
 <br>The poems you write in the middle of the night</br>

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index 255065a..94cb414 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -1,3 +1,15 @@
+Midnight quenching
+
+<br>The poems you write in the middle of the night</br>
+<br>seem different,</br>
+
+<br>Like there ‘r more there</br>
+<br>right there just waiting to flip off the griddle.</br>
+
+
+---------
+
+
 Maggie in Need and Maggie Super Helper
 
 I have a sort of Montessori Masters in Self Help from the School of Being Alive.  We all have enrolled in a few classes, but it happens to be my major.  Which is why I am surprised this is the first time Maggie in Need, my inner being ever really had a real conversation with Maggie Super Helper, my other inner being.  

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index 88512b7..255065a 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -57,3 +57,6 @@ I had seen these moments of rising: all of the starts that it took to complete 1
 Self care can be the sum and total of a life.  Or we can learn to add on additional commitments plus taking care of ourselves.  That is how it was when I packed my bags and moved almost 5 hours away to go to school in Kentucky.  I am charging into the unknown, actually in a direction that had hurt me before.  Going to school was the initiation of my mental illness in the first time it happened.  It took so much bravery just to return to school.  And I left all of my usual comforts to do it too.  So I learned that at that point I could add commitments to just taking care of myself.  But after school, I returned home.  I needed rest.  I let myself just draw a disability check and not work.  And in doing that, any idea I might be courageous was falsely proven a passing notion.  But taking the disability time has been bravery too, especially for someone who knows my gifts.  Lately I have been adding commitments again.  I do some transcribing work.  I am part of an online writing support group that has been meeting for over 9 months.  I started an offshoot group that meets each weekday.  And now that I am getting more and more in the swing of doing more, I might be going back to school in the fall if I get accepted and I kill the belief in myself that I can’t do it, that I am a week, meek wimp, who doesn’t have the ability to do what I really want.  I can do it.  I can do what I commit myself to every time, because I am smart and I am not committing myself to the wrong things at all.  
 
 I need to fix my eyes to always see myself through the lens of courage for the rest of my life.  This is breath one, step one, note one to that beautiful music.  May there be many more.  
+
+
+[[!img me.png align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]

attachment upload
diff --git a/me.png b/me.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..d5afd08
Binary files /dev/null and b/me.png differ

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index 6e19774..88512b7 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -1,3 +1,30 @@
+Maggie in Need and Maggie Super Helper
+
+I have a sort of Montessori Masters in Self Help from the School of Being Alive.  We all have enrolled in a few classes, but it happens to be my major.  Which is why I am surprised this is the first time Maggie in Need, my inner being ever really had a real conversation with Maggie Super Helper, my other inner being.  
+
+You might think it was a little too full of praise for an average conversation, but Maggie Super Helper is the part of me that exists for the some purpose of building the confidence and well being of Maggie in Need.  This is how it went.  
+
+Maggie Super Helper:  you sure are patient with your mother.  That kind of thing really impresses me about how good of a person you are.
+
+Maggie in Need:  oh, thank you.  I had heard you somewhere before, but I am not sure where we met exactly.  
+
+Maggie Super Helper:  probably in your gusto.  You may be in need even in the most trying times, you seem brave.  
+
+Maggie in Need:  (being mindful of breath for the first time in an hour)  that feels good, to breath, and also to finally have a real longer conversation with you
+
+Maggie Super Helper:  I'm always here for you if you need me.  
+
+Maggie in Need:  (smiling)
+
+Maggie Super Helper:  Remember that time we got lost in the woods?  How you for a minute were concerned something might happen to threaten your survival.  Remember how good you felt, and also how much more you were aware of the sensation of feeling when you returned home after having that experienced you believed at the time was a brush with death?  That feeling you had of being more in touch with your senses than you ever remember, that was your body kicking in and reminding you how important life is to you.  You always have loved living so much.  It might be important for you to earmark that feeling as a time you can mentally return to if you wonder if you have the courage to do something.  You are here on this Earth to do what you decide you should do, even if it seems like a scary obstacle.  Thinking back to that feeling might help you.  It certainly took bravery.  
+
+Maggie in Need:  thanks for pointing that out to me.  Are you going?
+
+Maggie:  Why don't we just combine forces from here on out?
+
+---------------
+
+
 Why I Claim "Appalachia" and Declare Extremists Aren't 
 
 You might ask me, Maggie, what's the point in thinking about hillbillies?  What's the point in sympathizing with a stereotype of ignorant, low life, stereotypical people in a time when our country has so recently been damaged by extremists who in many ways resemble hillbillies?  It might sound like I am wrongfully defending a type of person who just a couple days ago committed violent up-rise resulting in murder, unduly yet instigated at heart by the nation's own president.  These are dark times in our nation's history.  I do not mean to stand behind the extremists at all.  I have always been a progressive, a believer in pacifism, compassion, a feminist at heart, and someone who hates racism.  I do not know what forces all cause a group to find themselves so misunderstood, so damaged that they would tare into, vandalize, and storm into the hallowed halls of our Nation.  But I think it is a question worth thinking over.  Why would a people feel so unheard that they feel a need to do something rash, that might even be done with a sense of passion or pride?  I know for as long as Appalachia has been around there has been rising up in Appalachia, a kind of activism that was originally something I would have stood beside.  On the early end of Appalachian history, out of state lawyers came in to our rural parts and offered low sums of money for the mineral rights underneath our soil.  From this there came coal mining with the debt to the company store, little monopoly style coins called script, used to marginalize the people.  Of course not all regional people ever consider themselves hillbillies at all, in part due to coal and the fact this vein of energy that keeps the lights on for much of the nation to a point, isn't something various people identify with.  Some people in this region are new to the area, or always lived in the city, are of an ethnic variety that generally isn't represented as hillbilly, and certainly many of us do not like or condone Trump or what he stands for.  

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index 87d7d3a..6e19774 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -10,7 +10,7 @@ So I think as a culture our nation needs an nonextremist option that may identif
 
 
 
-
+_________
 
 
 

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index 8c9fb75..87d7d3a 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -6,7 +6,7 @@ But the world has gotten to this dark stage where that insolent president was ab
 
 You might wonder why I still think I am an Appalachian, despite all that I've said about what happened earlier this week with the desecration of the Capitol by violent extremists.  Those people who did that, did have a hillbilly stereotypical look to them, but I know a kind of hillbilly that is a different thing entirely.  I would not claim those people in my Appalachia at all.  My kind of hillbilly might invite you in for beans and biscuits, or biscuits and gravy.  They might lead a revolution against Mountaintop Removal, or stand strong for coal, or live in a place that doesn't mind one way or the other about coal.  My kind of Appalachian includes Afrilachian poets, and other poets, poets of all kind, in fact, I am partly drawn to call myself Appalachian because of the musical, interesting way many of us hillbillies talk and the country road twisting manner many of us use to talk.  I like the Appalachian people.  I never really wanted to leave the region, no matter where I'd go, and I always found myself looking back longingly at the hills and mountains when I did go to the ocean or somewhere far away.  Appalachia is home and the hillbilly people are my neighbors, brothers, sisters, and friends.  There is something good at the heart of hillbilly culture that is worth cherishing.  
 
-So I think as a culture our nation needs an nonextremist option that may identify as misjudged maybe but a people who consider ourselves Appalachian, a kind of person who may consider ourselves Democrats, Republican, or none of the above, but who just agrees with the hillbilly name.   All across the world, from China to Myanmar to the Gaze strip, there are kinds of people who in their way are grouped in the stereotyped way that Appalachians have been gathered together.  There is something racial to the idea of the hillbilly.  And though the picture is sometimes a negative idea that binds us, we have the right to identify as hillbillies and Appalachians if we want to.   I need to think more about this subject, but I always have made the decision to see myself as part of this regional identity.  Seems when I am thinking of myself as Appalachian I am exploring the right thing, so I am going to keep on doing it.  
+So I think as a culture our nation needs an nonextremist option that may identify as misjudged maybe but a people who consider ourselves Appalachian, a kind of person who may consider ourselves Democrats, Republican, or none of the above, but who just agrees with the hillbilly name.   All across the world, from China to Myanmar to the Gaza strip, there are kinds of people who in their way are grouped in the stereotyped way that Appalachians have been gathered together.  There is something racial to the idea of the hillbilly.  And though the picture is sometimes a negative idea that binds us, we have the right to identify as hillbillies and Appalachians if we want to.   I need to think more about this subject, but I always have made the decision to see myself as part of this regional identity.  Seems when I am thinking of myself as Appalachian I am exploring the right thing, so I am going to keep on doing it.  
 
 
 

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index 15780c8..8c9fb75 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -1,3 +1,5 @@
+Why I Claim "Appalachia" and Declare Extremists Aren't 
+
 You might ask me, Maggie, what's the point in thinking about hillbillies?  What's the point in sympathizing with a stereotype of ignorant, low life, stereotypical people in a time when our country has so recently been damaged by extremists who in many ways resemble hillbillies?  It might sound like I am wrongfully defending a type of person who just a couple days ago committed violent up-rise resulting in murder, unduly yet instigated at heart by the nation's own president.  These are dark times in our nation's history.  I do not mean to stand behind the extremists at all.  I have always been a progressive, a believer in pacifism, compassion, a feminist at heart, and someone who hates racism.  I do not know what forces all cause a group to find themselves so misunderstood, so damaged that they would tare into, vandalize, and storm into the hallowed halls of our Nation.  But I think it is a question worth thinking over.  Why would a people feel so unheard that they feel a need to do something rash, that might even be done with a sense of passion or pride?  I know for as long as Appalachia has been around there has been rising up in Appalachia, a kind of activism that was originally something I would have stood beside.  On the early end of Appalachian history, out of state lawyers came in to our rural parts and offered low sums of money for the mineral rights underneath our soil.  From this there came coal mining with the debt to the company store, little monopoly style coins called script, used to marginalize the people.  Of course not all regional people ever consider themselves hillbillies at all, in part due to coal and the fact this vein of energy that keeps the lights on for much of the nation to a point, isn't something various people identify with.  Some people in this region are new to the area, or always lived in the city, are of an ethnic variety that generally isn't represented as hillbilly, and certainly many of us do not like or condone Trump or what he stands for.  
 
 But the world has gotten to this dark stage where that insolent president was able to manipulate the masses for a reason.  I think some of the cause that has led to these violent uprisings are rooted in these same stereotypes and the feeling of identity that people sometimes happen to have with Donald Trump because he talks in a certain way that they identify with.  I've heard self proclaimed hillbillies saying they don't like Hillary because they felt she was making fun of them, and I think that is a risk any liberal might sustain.  We have to make sure that we are not fueling the fire, so we have to be careful because standing against coal can seem like being against a way of life.  This is one reason many Appalachians joined team Trump, which ended up being a racist, sexist group, but initially may have just been mad because Hillary laughed at them and didn't understand how to talk to them.  

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index d2633d3..15780c8 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -1,3 +1,18 @@
+You might ask me, Maggie, what's the point in thinking about hillbillies?  What's the point in sympathizing with a stereotype of ignorant, low life, stereotypical people in a time when our country has so recently been damaged by extremists who in many ways resemble hillbillies?  It might sound like I am wrongfully defending a type of person who just a couple days ago committed violent up-rise resulting in murder, unduly yet instigated at heart by the nation's own president.  These are dark times in our nation's history.  I do not mean to stand behind the extremists at all.  I have always been a progressive, a believer in pacifism, compassion, a feminist at heart, and someone who hates racism.  I do not know what forces all cause a group to find themselves so misunderstood, so damaged that they would tare into, vandalize, and storm into the hallowed halls of our Nation.  But I think it is a question worth thinking over.  Why would a people feel so unheard that they feel a need to do something rash, that might even be done with a sense of passion or pride?  I know for as long as Appalachia has been around there has been rising up in Appalachia, a kind of activism that was originally something I would have stood beside.  On the early end of Appalachian history, out of state lawyers came in to our rural parts and offered low sums of money for the mineral rights underneath our soil.  From this there came coal mining with the debt to the company store, little monopoly style coins called script, used to marginalize the people.  Of course not all regional people ever consider themselves hillbillies at all, in part due to coal and the fact this vein of energy that keeps the lights on for much of the nation to a point, isn't something various people identify with.  Some people in this region are new to the area, or always lived in the city, are of an ethnic variety that generally isn't represented as hillbilly, and certainly many of us do not like or condone Trump or what he stands for.  
+
+But the world has gotten to this dark stage where that insolent president was able to manipulate the masses for a reason.  I think some of the cause that has led to these violent uprisings are rooted in these same stereotypes and the feeling of identity that people sometimes happen to have with Donald Trump because he talks in a certain way that they identify with.  I've heard self proclaimed hillbillies saying they don't like Hillary because they felt she was making fun of them, and I think that is a risk any liberal might sustain.  We have to make sure that we are not fueling the fire, so we have to be careful because standing against coal can seem like being against a way of life.  This is one reason many Appalachians joined team Trump, which ended up being a racist, sexist group, but initially may have just been mad because Hillary laughed at them and didn't understand how to talk to them.  
+
+You might wonder why I still think I am an Appalachian, despite all that I've said about what happened earlier this week with the desecration of the Capitol by violent extremists.  Those people who did that, did have a hillbilly stereotypical look to them, but I know a kind of hillbilly that is a different thing entirely.  I would not claim those people in my Appalachia at all.  My kind of hillbilly might invite you in for beans and biscuits, or biscuits and gravy.  They might lead a revolution against Mountaintop Removal, or stand strong for coal, or live in a place that doesn't mind one way or the other about coal.  My kind of Appalachian includes Afrilachian poets, and other poets, poets of all kind, in fact, I am partly drawn to call myself Appalachian because of the musical, interesting way many of us hillbillies talk and the country road twisting manner many of us use to talk.  I like the Appalachian people.  I never really wanted to leave the region, no matter where I'd go, and I always found myself looking back longingly at the hills and mountains when I did go to the ocean or somewhere far away.  Appalachia is home and the hillbilly people are my neighbors, brothers, sisters, and friends.  There is something good at the heart of hillbilly culture that is worth cherishing.  
+
+So I think as a culture our nation needs an nonextremist option that may identify as misjudged maybe but a people who consider ourselves Appalachian, a kind of person who may consider ourselves Democrats, Republican, or none of the above, but who just agrees with the hillbilly name.   All across the world, from China to Myanmar to the Gaze strip, there are kinds of people who in their way are grouped in the stereotyped way that Appalachians have been gathered together.  There is something racial to the idea of the hillbilly.  And though the picture is sometimes a negative idea that binds us, we have the right to identify as hillbillies and Appalachians if we want to.   I need to think more about this subject, but I always have made the decision to see myself as part of this regional identity.  Seems when I am thinking of myself as Appalachian I am exploring the right thing, so I am going to keep on doing it.  
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
 Claiming my Courage
 
 I don’t know if misunderstanding ourselves is true of everyone or just too many people.  I know all of us only see ourselves from our own perspective.  There is something we all share in that struggle to know our true identity.  Perspective means that I often have a false notion of who I am.  Or maybe I am too caught up in the moment or whatever is going on to know who I am in the heart of it.  A friend pointed this out to me recently.  I had studied the idea of misleading perspectives in a psychology class in college.  But I hadn’t recently thought that maybe this idea might be the change to the story I believe about myself that I have been seeking and really need to know who I really am better, to gain confidence, and start being more faithful to myself.  

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index 20277c7..d2633d3 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -1,35 +1,3 @@
-Sometimes poems spit out like snow.  Sometimes I write a poem certain it will be a classic.  When I wrote this poem, I just needed to hear myself think something about the comfort I find in nature's Constance.  Something seems worth sharing this poem because it shares that happy response to nature.  Maybe the lines read like limbs to a tree.
-
-*     *     *
-
-The line of light on branches
-
-reminds me of sunnier times.
-
-Maybe I will go outside.
-
-Some aspects of existence 
-
-stay the same.
-
-
-Everything the sun touches
-
-changes somehow.
-
-
-Walking Brazen
-
-I saw in the Eastern sky
-
-the clouds parted.
-
-
-There’s a dark and a light to everything.
-
-*   *    *
-
-
 Claiming my Courage
 
 I don’t know if misunderstanding ourselves is true of everyone or just too many people.  I know all of us only see ourselves from our own perspective.  There is something we all share in that struggle to know our true identity.  Perspective means that I often have a false notion of who I am.  Or maybe I am too caught up in the moment or whatever is going on to know who I am in the heart of it.  A friend pointed this out to me recently.  I had studied the idea of misleading perspectives in a psychology class in college.  But I hadn’t recently thought that maybe this idea might be the change to the story I believe about myself that I have been seeking and really need to know who I really am better, to gain confidence, and start being more faithful to myself.  

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index 4e59d22..20277c7 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -26,3 +26,22 @@ the clouds parted.
 
 
 There’s a dark and a light to everything.
+
+*   *    *
+
+
+Claiming my Courage
+
+I don’t know if misunderstanding ourselves is true of everyone or just too many people.  I know all of us only see ourselves from our own perspective.  There is something we all share in that struggle to know our true identity.  Perspective means that I often have a false notion of who I am.  Or maybe I am too caught up in the moment or whatever is going on to know who I am in the heart of it.  A friend pointed this out to me recently.  I had studied the idea of misleading perspectives in a psychology class in college.  But I hadn’t recently thought that maybe this idea might be the change to the story I believe about myself that I have been seeking and really need to know who I really am better, to gain confidence, and start being more faithful to myself.  
+
+But this thought just woke me up.  What if I really am courageous?  What if that is the one word that best described me, who I am, and maybe this is what I need to be a whole person, standing firm in the way I need to, so I can live the way I hope to live, and make the future that I want to be proud of.  
+
+So I’m stepping back from the girl who thinks of myself as meek and incapable or crazy and a quitter.  I need to remember all of the power it took to start all of the things I have started.  I need to remember the person who finds myself lost in the woods and finds my legs under me and walks barefoot for my own survival.  I am a girl who chose writing as my vocation because I wanted to change the world with it.  I am the girl, yes because girls are tough, who has done a lot of things that might be called crazy, but always maintained my dignity through episodes of mental illness that were never chosen, I am the girl who did yoga in the mental ward to instate peace in my present state, who never was violent.  I am the girl who has been an activist, standing together with environmentalist fighting climate change and mountaintop removal and proclaiming voice against unilateral war long before it was cool.  
+
+I haven’t done activism for a long time, and there is a good reason for that.  I have been arduously working on myself, healing myself, learning to meditate, and taking care of myself as my job.  And that is just as valid and courageous as defending the Other.  Standing up for myself is what I have been doing in my own way, in caring for myself.  But this has been a missing link in my self care, knowing who I am in the first place, really thinking of myself through the lens of reality, not just the daily one step at a time version.  
+
+I had seen these moments of rising: all of the starts that it took to complete 12 years striving for a college degree, my taking up causes, my religious self care, my commitment to my poetry, all of these ways I have followed my inner drum beat.  I had seen these moments of rising and had thought, that’s not me though.  I had thought that the rising was not me because the moments of rising were not ongoing daily tasks generally.  I had just seen the self care, and hadn’t realized all of my acts of leadership are of the same ilk as the self care.  It all is me, and it all is courageous.  I had thought the special moments were just flukes.  The high points and proudest times were there because of the ongoing self care.  Self care is courageous.  
+
+Self care can be the sum and total of a life.  Or we can learn to add on additional commitments plus taking care of ourselves.  That is how it was when I packed my bags and moved almost 5 hours away to go to school in Kentucky.  I am charging into the unknown, actually in a direction that had hurt me before.  Going to school was the initiation of my mental illness in the first time it happened.  It took so much bravery just to return to school.  And I left all of my usual comforts to do it too.  So I learned that at that point I could add commitments to just taking care of myself.  But after school, I returned home.  I needed rest.  I let myself just draw a disability check and not work.  And in doing that, any idea I might be courageous was falsely proven a passing notion.  But taking the disability time has been bravery too, especially for someone who knows my gifts.  Lately I have been adding commitments again.  I do some transcribing work.  I am part of an online writing support group that has been meeting for over 9 months.  I started an offshoot group that meets each weekday.  And now that I am getting more and more in the swing of doing more, I might be going back to school in the fall if I get accepted and I kill the belief in myself that I can’t do it, that I am a week, meek wimp, who doesn’t have the ability to do what I really want.  I can do it.  I can do what I commit myself to every time, because I am smart and I am not committing myself to the wrong things at all.  
+
+I need to fix my eyes to always see myself through the lens of courage for the rest of my life.  This is breath one, step one, note one to that beautiful music.  May there be many more.  

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index 49cdb07..4e59d22 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -1,23 +1,28 @@
-Maggie Hess, Poet
+Sometimes poems spit out like snow.  Sometimes I write a poem certain it will be a classic.  When I wrote this poem, I just needed to hear myself think something about the comfort I find in nature's Constance.  Something seems worth sharing this poem because it shares that happy response to nature.  Maybe the lines read like limbs to a tree.
 
-Reviews:  
+*     *     *
 
-“an excellent poet.”  The Blue Mountain Review
+The line of light on branches
 
-“beautiful work”   K’in Poetry
+reminds me of sunnier times.
 
-“Articulate moving poetry - Makes you forget where you are in the moment.” J Wead
+Maybe I will go outside.
 
-“Evokes images of the interconnectedness of all beings from the jump, as well as the destructive yet ever changing and ever adapting spirit of humans and nature.”  J Fleenor
+Some aspects of existence 
 
-“Deep, yet relatable” J Wead
+stay the same.
 
-“tackles both the mundane and the extraordinary experiences of daily human interactions with grace and levity.”  M Mermaid
 
-“a new style of poetry”  M Laurel
+Everything the sun touches
 
-“Tactile – amazing.”  J Wead
+changes somehow.
 
-“a lovely sketch of a poem”  Friends Journal
 
-“beautiful enough to read a hundred times over.”  A Angeleen 
+Walking Brazen
+
+I saw in the Eastern sky
+
+the clouds parted.
+
+
+There’s a dark and a light to everything.

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index 57aac2c..49cdb07 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -1,4 +1,4 @@
-Maggie Hess
+Maggie Hess, Poet
 
 Reviews:  
 

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index 309e164..57aac2c 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -1,101 +1,23 @@
+Maggie Hess
 
-[[!img images___40__3__41__.jpeg align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]
+Reviews:  
 
-I have been thinking a lot about Contemplative Writing and abstract paintings too actually.  My mind finally got to a deep place on contempl writ after 8 years as a research assistant in the subject.  So interested in what I find next!
-
-[[!img 132442439_225168842334500_2345667966191420441_n.jpg align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]
-__________
-
-Christmas Stars
-
-
-Lights in early morning 
-
-have a certain glow.
-
-
-Last night, we were watching a dumb Christmas special,
-
-but got a call by a community naturalist
-
-
-to drop everything and witness
-
-the convergence of Jupiter and Saturn.  
-
-
-So grateful to be told to look up,
-
-their planets shining so clear,
-
-
-so much easier to understand for me
-
-than Christmas.  
-
-_____________________________
-
-Something about knowing I am small makes me feel more connected.
-___________________________
-
-It takes perspective to see the pattern.
-
-It only seems visible when the sun and moon are in just the right position.
-
-Often we look up and all we see is sky, or ceiling.
-
-It's that rare moment, when the etches of tree branches, begin to resemble something you saw this time last year exactly, just for a flash, or the blink of an eye.
-
-You might go around muting yourself until your voice has to be let out.
-
-You might dream of a connection you disbelieve is out there.
-
-You might wake up with a realization at the tip of your tongue.
-
-It's something you noticed before though.
-
-It may have been a long time ago.
-
-The pattern is the whole point of the noticing.
-
-How can I record my habits so I know what they are?
-
-It's a simple question, I find myself asking, still unsure of the giant answer I just discovered.
-
-
-
-
---------------
-
-In my sleep, I solved my own riddle.  What is larger than me but still pertaining?  
-
-
-Here’s another.  What do my dog, a pandemic, and president Trump all have in common?  What does Bernie Sanders, Ruth Bader Ginsberg, and my Mom also share in common with all the other things I have listed?  Atmosphere.  
-
-When I woke up this morning, somehow I remembered that all of our problems and poetry on this Earth, have a third dimension that is too often forgotten.  
-
-I went to walk by a pond.  A great blue heron and 20 geese orbited over head, both species passing in a circle above my little bulb.  Everything I could lay my eyes on, under the hazy sky, all shared a common atmosphere, and generally, a perspective and a centering on this Earth.  I hug trees and love this world as much as the next person, but we are not confined to the scope of the atmosphere around the Earth.  Our existence, life goes billions of astronomical units beyond this measly atmosphere.  When we forget to apply the vastness of space to our experience, we are existing in a shell of ignorance, ignoring the very important scope of life, of the world.  In everything we can study, from human emotion to empathy to kindness and compassion, our understanding of things misses the truth if we exist with oblivion towards the scope of things.  Just knowing about our own atmosphere is small minded, shrinking the purpose and the beauty therein.  
-
-What can I do to remember the stars, the vastness of existence?  Personally, it seems reasonable that reading more about our Universe will teach me something about my self.  I have started studying the solar system, imaging the amplitude of our small world, and the giant realm of the galaxy, of everything.  If someone says everything, and forgets the majority of what it means to be something, they are not being realistic, if by everything you mean the things of this Earth only, you are forgetting the size of our world.  If you looked at the whole Universe on a giant map, our Earth would not even be visible.  Concerns of individuals matter in the ethical sense that human needs are important.  But you have to consider the sheer magnitude of the stars in everything, every time you think or plant a tree or beg for water, you have to consider the fullness of the Mystery, of Science, of Life.  
-
-I’ve been sitting and studying mindfulness and breath for a long time.  Breath just goes to a certain point, all of it retained within our biome.  There is more to living even than life itself.  
-
-I began learning about Halley’s comet, something I had only had heard of before.  I did some math and noticed that in 3 and a half or 4 years, Halley’s comet will be as distant as it ever is from our Earth and sun.  In 1986, Halley’s comet passed in its orbit as near as it ever gets to us here on Earth.  
-
-I began learning about the Voyager 2, something I had barely known about before.  Voyager 2 is 11 billion miles away.  In November 2018, when Voyager 2 left our solar system.  
-
-How can I call my creations poetry or art if they don’t consider but a pea world in the scope of the Universe?  To be a poet, I must know the full mystery.  To be a human with any claim to consciousness I must have some knowledge beyond this Globe.  
-
-
-[[!img happy_holidays_from_maggie.png align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]
-
-Happy Holidays from Maggie!
+“an excellent poet.”  The Blue Mountain Review
 
+“beautiful work”   K’in Poetry
 
+“Articulate moving poetry - Makes you forget where you are in the moment.” J Wead
 
+“Evokes images of the interconnectedness of all beings from the jump, as well as the destructive yet ever changing and ever adapting spirit of humans and nature.”  J Fleenor
 
+“Deep, yet relatable” J Wead
 
+“tackles both the mundane and the extraordinary experiences of daily human interactions with grace and levity.”  M Mermaid
 
+“a new style of poetry”  M Laurel
 
+“Tactile – amazing.”  J Wead
 
+“a lovely sketch of a poem”  Friends Journal
 
+“beautiful enough to read a hundred times over.”  A Angeleen 

calendar update
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new file mode 100644
index 0000000..325ac2d
--- /dev/null
+++ b/archives/2021.mdwn
@@ -0,0 +1 @@
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new file mode 100644
index 0000000..9b5bb5d
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+++ b/archives/2021/01.mdwn
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new file mode 100644
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new file mode 100644
index 0000000..0c7f1e7
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+[[!sidebar content="""
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new file mode 100644
index 0000000..5fb95cb
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+++ b/archives/2021/04.mdwn
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+[[!sidebar content="""
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+"""]]
+
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new file mode 100644
index 0000000..ec47bca
--- /dev/null
+++ b/archives/2021/05.mdwn
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+[[!sidebar content="""
+[[!calendar type=month month=05 year=2021 pages="page(posts/*) and !*/Discussion"]]
+"""]]
+
+[[!inline pages="creation_month(05) and creation_year(2021) and page(posts/*) and !*/Discussion" show=0 feeds=no reverse=yes]]
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new file mode 100644
index 0000000..8af1077
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+"""]]
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new file mode 100644
index 0000000..54ccb3d
--- /dev/null
+++ b/archives/2021/07.mdwn
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+[[!sidebar content="""
+[[!calendar type=month month=07 year=2021 pages="page(posts/*) and !*/Discussion"]]
+"""]]
+
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diff --git a/archives/2021/08.mdwn b/archives/2021/08.mdwn
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..d6242ff
--- /dev/null
+++ b/archives/2021/08.mdwn
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+[[!sidebar content="""
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+"""]]
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new file mode 100644
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new file mode 100644
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new file mode 100644
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new file mode 100644
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diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index d12c80a..309e164 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -1,8 +1,7 @@
 
-
 [[!img images___40__3__41__.jpeg align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]
 
-
+I have been thinking a lot about Contemplative Writing and abstract paintings too actually.  My mind finally got to a deep place on contempl writ after 8 years as a research assistant in the subject.  So interested in what I find next!
 
 [[!img 132442439_225168842334500_2345667966191420441_n.jpg align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]
 __________

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index af296a8..d12c80a 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -1,57 +1,8 @@
-Who you are and why you want to join an MFA?
-
-[[!img images___40__3__41__.jpeg align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]
-
-
-I am mentally disabled, but I also am a career poet already. I have been so committed to “my craft” for so long that I have had 40 of my poems published by small presses, I have published 30 books of various genres and kinds, including self publishing 8 poetry chapbooks on Amazon, I sought and acquired an English degree with a concentration in Writing. The degree took me twelve years but at least by the end of it, it was firm in my mind that I am committed to a career of poetry, regardless of how foolish an idea that may seem. I received a few writing awards (in college), was honored with a couple finalist recognitions for chapbooks in the real world, and I guess considering all of these things, I want to join an MFA because these achievements are not enough for me.
-
-
-I broke down my main reasons for the MFA into 4 categories:
-
-
-More community
-
-
-Writing community is something I had to an extent pursing my concentration in writing and bachelor’s degree at Berea College. I happened to grow up in a Literary family that published our own small poetry magazine out of our home, and incubated in me a healthy, organic, appreciation of poetry from a young age. So I had the rare experience of having a father who helped to found a creative writing group for Poets and Writers in Abingdon, Virginia, and when I was in high school I actually got to attend my first meeting of that group, which actually meant a ton to me. It was strange to be placed as a 16 year old in a group of strange old Poets. I wanted to read a poem that I wrote called “One” and actually remember getting emotional and crying during my spot. There was something peculiar about every one of the Poets there, maybe most significantly because I was one of these eccentric creatures myself.
-
-
-My time in writing community has been on and off, but I currently have a delightful group of fellow writers that I am part of. We meet virtually in videos online. Being in this totally extra curricular group is turning something alive in me as a writer, making me twice as productive, and I already was pretty prolific. But not something where I am fulfilling my craving for writing community entirely. Our group meets at least one time per week, and I just formed a second contemplative group that budded off the first that meets daily, but my hunger for Poetry group is not being met at all, it is like I am some kind of Poetry addict. The part of me that desired community is going crazy trying to figure out how I can make this into something I get to keep and hold onto forever in my life.
-
-
-
-Personal Transformation from Disabled?
-
-
-I go back and forth. Do I want a paid career in Poetry? On the surface, it seems I am perfectly happy keeping it something I can do off the grid, of sorts. Being a Disabled Poet allows some degree of liberty. A disabled person who does not economically have to work, has all the time in the world provided to them for doing their writing, but maybe not enough stimulation or community to nurture their career of Poetry.
 
 
-But if I enrolled in a MFA, I would have more structure. Some of the MFA seems ridiculously easy, like producing the number of poems for the thesis seems a cinch, yet still it is one part of the program I would very much delight in doing.
-
-
-Teaching
-
-I can’t guarantee I will have the energy or capacity to teach after my MFA is completed, because of my Disability and the volatility of the unknown. But I did start thinking about the teaching component in a new light. I never had a solid teaching philosophy until recently, but I realize the main point of teaching for me as someone who has a lot of opportunity to encourage my Literacy is to Give Back. The idea of teaching as giving back propels my interest in Teaching much more than when it was just a possible career and a way to extend my Poetry. It could be students of any age, but I want to give others a way into Poetry, to enable students to have Poetry in their lives because it has been such a gift to me.
-
-
-
-More education
-
-
-So enrolling in a MFA serves a higher purpose, actually, than just feeding my craving for community and Poetry. It feeds my craving for community and Poetry in a way that I might be able to have my drug of choice as long as I can.
-
-
-More publication
-
-
-When I graduated college, I think I had 11 poems published and there wasn’t a doubt in my mind that I would produce and publish more. Part of self publishing felt a little like I was eliminating opportunities to be chosen by major poetry presses for chapbooks. I think it doesn’t have to be mutually exclusive, but there is a still a lot I know I could learn about publication, namely how to submit more quality manuscripts so that they are chosen more and more.
-
-
-There is so much I could learn in so many areas. So all the signs seem collectively to point to the MFA.
-
+[[!img images___40__3__41__.jpeg align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]
 
-___________
 
-I am pretty excited because I just got an art idea. I have a trick I use where I take long breaks in the stream of my visual art creation.  I take a break because I know what it does to my mind every time.  I begin to wonder if I really am an artist.  When the doubt fully encapsulates me, and all I can see is the last awful thing I painted, going through that helps me as an artist.  It refreshes my mind, resets my page blank, then like clockwork, when all hope is dried up for me ever painting anything good again, I get an idea.  I will tell you more about this idea when it progresses.  I never would have a tattoo, but this idea came as what I would want as a tattoo if I ever did, so it is something very near and dear to my heart.  It's gonna be hard to capture.
 
 [[!img 132442439_225168842334500_2345667966191420441_n.jpg align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]
 __________

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index 2884393..af296a8 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -1,3 +1,56 @@
+Who you are and why you want to join an MFA?
+
+[[!img images___40__3__41__.jpeg align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]
+
+
+I am mentally disabled, but I also am a career poet already. I have been so committed to “my craft” for so long that I have had 40 of my poems published by small presses, I have published 30 books of various genres and kinds, including self publishing 8 poetry chapbooks on Amazon, I sought and acquired an English degree with a concentration in Writing. The degree took me twelve years but at least by the end of it, it was firm in my mind that I am committed to a career of poetry, regardless of how foolish an idea that may seem. I received a few writing awards (in college), was honored with a couple finalist recognitions for chapbooks in the real world, and I guess considering all of these things, I want to join an MFA because these achievements are not enough for me.
+
+
+I broke down my main reasons for the MFA into 4 categories:
+
+
+More community
+
+
+Writing community is something I had to an extent pursing my concentration in writing and bachelor’s degree at Berea College. I happened to grow up in a Literary family that published our own small poetry magazine out of our home, and incubated in me a healthy, organic, appreciation of poetry from a young age. So I had the rare experience of having a father who helped to found a creative writing group for Poets and Writers in Abingdon, Virginia, and when I was in high school I actually got to attend my first meeting of that group, which actually meant a ton to me. It was strange to be placed as a 16 year old in a group of strange old Poets. I wanted to read a poem that I wrote called “One” and actually remember getting emotional and crying during my spot. There was something peculiar about every one of the Poets there, maybe most significantly because I was one of these eccentric creatures myself.
+
+
+My time in writing community has been on and off, but I currently have a delightful group of fellow writers that I am part of. We meet virtually in videos online. Being in this totally extra curricular group is turning something alive in me as a writer, making me twice as productive, and I already was pretty prolific. But not something where I am fulfilling my craving for writing community entirely. Our group meets at least one time per week, and I just formed a second contemplative group that budded off the first that meets daily, but my hunger for Poetry group is not being met at all, it is like I am some kind of Poetry addict. The part of me that desired community is going crazy trying to figure out how I can make this into something I get to keep and hold onto forever in my life.
+
+
+
+Personal Transformation from Disabled?
+
+
+I go back and forth. Do I want a paid career in Poetry? On the surface, it seems I am perfectly happy keeping it something I can do off the grid, of sorts. Being a Disabled Poet allows some degree of liberty. A disabled person who does not economically have to work, has all the time in the world provided to them for doing their writing, but maybe not enough stimulation or community to nurture their career of Poetry.
+
+
+But if I enrolled in a MFA, I would have more structure. Some of the MFA seems ridiculously easy, like producing the number of poems for the thesis seems a cinch, yet still it is one part of the program I would very much delight in doing.
+
+
+Teaching
+
+I can’t guarantee I will have the energy or capacity to teach after my MFA is completed, because of my Disability and the volatility of the unknown. But I did start thinking about the teaching component in a new light. I never had a solid teaching philosophy until recently, but I realize the main point of teaching for me as someone who has a lot of opportunity to encourage my Literacy is to Give Back. The idea of teaching as giving back propels my interest in Teaching much more than when it was just a possible career and a way to extend my Poetry. It could be students of any age, but I want to give others a way into Poetry, to enable students to have Poetry in their lives because it has been such a gift to me.
+
+
+
+More education
+
+
+So enrolling in a MFA serves a higher purpose, actually, than just feeding my craving for community and Poetry. It feeds my craving for community and Poetry in a way that I might be able to have my drug of choice as long as I can.
+
+
+More publication
+
+
+When I graduated college, I think I had 11 poems published and there wasn’t a doubt in my mind that I would produce and publish more. Part of self publishing felt a little like I was eliminating opportunities to be chosen by major poetry presses for chapbooks. I think it doesn’t have to be mutually exclusive, but there is a still a lot I know I could learn about publication, namely how to submit more quality manuscripts so that they are chosen more and more.
+
+
+There is so much I could learn in so many areas. So all the signs seem collectively to point to the MFA.
+
+
+___________
+
 I am pretty excited because I just got an art idea. I have a trick I use where I take long breaks in the stream of my visual art creation.  I take a break because I know what it does to my mind every time.  I begin to wonder if I really am an artist.  When the doubt fully encapsulates me, and all I can see is the last awful thing I painted, going through that helps me as an artist.  It refreshes my mind, resets my page blank, then like clockwork, when all hope is dried up for me ever painting anything good again, I get an idea.  I will tell you more about this idea when it progresses.  I never would have a tattoo, but this idea came as what I would want as a tattoo if I ever did, so it is something very near and dear to my heart.  It's gonna be hard to capture.
 
 [[!img 132442439_225168842334500_2345667966191420441_n.jpg align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]
@@ -93,3 +146,6 @@ Happy Holidays from Maggie!
 
 
 
+
+
+

attachment upload
diff --git a/images___40__3__41__.jpeg b/images___40__3__41__.jpeg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..c2c24f0
Binary files /dev/null and b/images___40__3__41__.jpeg differ

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index 889e518..2884393 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -1,6 +1,6 @@
 I am pretty excited because I just got an art idea. I have a trick I use where I take long breaks in the stream of my visual art creation.  I take a break because I know what it does to my mind every time.  I begin to wonder if I really am an artist.  When the doubt fully encapsulates me, and all I can see is the last awful thing I painted, going through that helps me as an artist.  It refreshes my mind, resets my page blank, then like clockwork, when all hope is dried up for me ever painting anything good again, I get an idea.  I will tell you more about this idea when it progresses.  I never would have a tattoo, but this idea came as what I would want as a tattoo if I ever did, so it is something very near and dear to my heart.  It's gonna be hard to capture.
 
-
+[[!img 132442439_225168842334500_2345667966191420441_n.jpg align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]
 __________
 
 Christmas Stars
@@ -87,3 +87,9 @@ How can I call my creations poetry or art if they don’t consider but a pea wor
 [[!img happy_holidays_from_maggie.png align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]
 
 Happy Holidays from Maggie!
+
+
+
+
+
+

attachment upload
diff --git a/132442439_225168842334500_2345667966191420441_n.jpg b/132442439_225168842334500_2345667966191420441_n.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..c96cac1
Binary files /dev/null and b/132442439_225168842334500_2345667966191420441_n.jpg differ

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index e5625d6..889e518 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -1,4 +1,4 @@
-I am pretty excited because I just got an art idea. I have a trick I use where I take long breaks in the stream of my visual art creation.  I take a break because I know what it does to my mind every time.  I begin to wonder if I really am an artist.  When the doubt fully encapsulates me, and all I can see is the last awful thing I painted, going through that helps me as an artist.  It refreshes my mind, resets my page blank, then like clockwork, when all hope is dries up for me ever painting anything good again, I get an idea.  I will tell you more about this idea when it progresses.  I never would have a tattoo, but this idea came as what I would want as a tattoo if I ever did, so it is something very near and dear to my heart.  It's gonna be hard to capture.
+I am pretty excited because I just got an art idea. I have a trick I use where I take long breaks in the stream of my visual art creation.  I take a break because I know what it does to my mind every time.  I begin to wonder if I really am an artist.  When the doubt fully encapsulates me, and all I can see is the last awful thing I painted, going through that helps me as an artist.  It refreshes my mind, resets my page blank, then like clockwork, when all hope is dried up for me ever painting anything good again, I get an idea.  I will tell you more about this idea when it progresses.  I never would have a tattoo, but this idea came as what I would want as a tattoo if I ever did, so it is something very near and dear to my heart.  It's gonna be hard to capture.
 
 
 __________

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index 17dc8c7..e5625d6 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -1,3 +1,6 @@
+I am pretty excited because I just got an art idea. I have a trick I use where I take long breaks in the stream of my visual art creation.  I take a break because I know what it does to my mind every time.  I begin to wonder if I really am an artist.  When the doubt fully encapsulates me, and all I can see is the last awful thing I painted, going through that helps me as an artist.  It refreshes my mind, resets my page blank, then like clockwork, when all hope is dries up for me ever painting anything good again, I get an idea.  I will tell you more about this idea when it progresses.  I never would have a tattoo, but this idea came as what I would want as a tattoo if I ever did, so it is something very near and dear to my heart.  It's gonna be hard to capture.
+
+
 __________
 
 Christmas Stars

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index 1941f1d..17dc8c7 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -1,3 +1,5 @@
+__________
+
 Christmas Stars
 
 

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index 46ee7ca..1941f1d 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -1,18 +1,28 @@
 Christmas Stars
 
+
 Lights in early morning 
+
 have a certain glow.
 
+
 Last night, we were watching a dumb Christmas special,
+
 but got a call by a community naturalist
 
+
 to drop everything and witness
+
 the convergence of Jupiter and Saturn.  
 
+
 So grateful to be told to look up,
+
 their planets shining so clear,
 
+
 so much easier to understand for me
+
 than Christmas.  
 
 _____________________________

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index 17da823..46ee7ca 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -1,3 +1,25 @@
+Christmas Stars
+
+Lights in early morning 
+have a certain glow.
+
+Last night, we were watching a dumb Christmas special,
+but got a call by a community naturalist
+
+to drop everything and witness
+the convergence of Jupiter and Saturn.  
+
+So grateful to be told to look up,
+their planets shining so clear,
+
+so much easier to understand for me
+than Christmas.  
+
+_____________________________
+
+Something about knowing I am small makes me feel more connected.
+___________________________
+
 It takes perspective to see the pattern.
 
 It only seems visible when the sun and moon are in just the right position.

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index 0443600..17da823 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -45,3 +45,8 @@ I began learning about Halley’s comet, something I had only had heard of befor
 I began learning about the Voyager 2, something I had barely known about before.  Voyager 2 is 11 billion miles away.  In November 2018, when Voyager 2 left our solar system.  
 
 How can I call my creations poetry or art if they don’t consider but a pea world in the scope of the Universe?  To be a poet, I must know the full mystery.  To be a human with any claim to consciousness I must have some knowledge beyond this Globe.  
+
+
+[[!img happy_holidays_from_maggie.png align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]
+
+Happy Holidays from Maggie!

attachment upload
diff --git a/happy_holidays_from_maggie.png b/happy_holidays_from_maggie.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..2525f0d
Binary files /dev/null and b/happy_holidays_from_maggie.png differ

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index 3fd8e01..0443600 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -1,17 +1,32 @@
 It takes perspective to see the pattern.
+
 It only seems visible when the sun and moon are in just the right position.
+
 Often we look up and all we see is sky, or ceiling.
+
 It's that rare moment, when the etches of tree branches, begin to resemble something you saw this time last year exactly, just for a flash, or the blink of an eye.
+
 You might go around muting yourself until your voice has to be let out.
+
 You might dream of a connection you disbelieve is out there.
+
 You might wake up with a realization at the tip of your tongue.
+
 It's something you noticed before though.
+
 It may have been a long time ago.
+
 The pattern is the whole point of the noticing.
+
 How can I record my habits so I know what they are?
+
 It's a simple question, I find myself asking, still unsure of the giant answer I just discovered.
 
 
+
+
+--------------
+
 In my sleep, I solved my own riddle.  What is larger than me but still pertaining?  
 
 

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..3fd8e01
--- /dev/null
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -0,0 +1,32 @@
+It takes perspective to see the pattern.
+It only seems visible when the sun and moon are in just the right position.
+Often we look up and all we see is sky, or ceiling.
+It's that rare moment, when the etches of tree branches, begin to resemble something you saw this time last year exactly, just for a flash, or the blink of an eye.
+You might go around muting yourself until your voice has to be let out.
+You might dream of a connection you disbelieve is out there.
+You might wake up with a realization at the tip of your tongue.
+It's something you noticed before though.
+It may have been a long time ago.
+The pattern is the whole point of the noticing.
+How can I record my habits so I know what they are?
+It's a simple question, I find myself asking, still unsure of the giant answer I just discovered.
+
+
+In my sleep, I solved my own riddle.  What is larger than me but still pertaining?  
+
+
+Here’s another.  What do my dog, a pandemic, and president Trump all have in common?  What does Bernie Sanders, Ruth Bader Ginsberg, and my Mom also share in common with all the other things I have listed?  Atmosphere.  
+
+When I woke up this morning, somehow I remembered that all of our problems and poetry on this Earth, have a third dimension that is too often forgotten.  
+
+I went to walk by a pond.  A great blue heron and 20 geese orbited over head, both species passing in a circle above my little bulb.  Everything I could lay my eyes on, under the hazy sky, all shared a common atmosphere, and generally, a perspective and a centering on this Earth.  I hug trees and love this world as much as the next person, but we are not confined to the scope of the atmosphere around the Earth.  Our existence, life goes billions of astronomical units beyond this measly atmosphere.  When we forget to apply the vastness of space to our experience, we are existing in a shell of ignorance, ignoring the very important scope of life, of the world.  In everything we can study, from human emotion to empathy to kindness and compassion, our understanding of things misses the truth if we exist with oblivion towards the scope of things.  Just knowing about our own atmosphere is small minded, shrinking the purpose and the beauty therein.  
+
+What can I do to remember the stars, the vastness of existence?  Personally, it seems reasonable that reading more about our Universe will teach me something about my self.  I have started studying the solar system, imaging the amplitude of our small world, and the giant realm of the galaxy, of everything.  If someone says everything, and forgets the majority of what it means to be something, they are not being realistic, if by everything you mean the things of this Earth only, you are forgetting the size of our world.  If you looked at the whole Universe on a giant map, our Earth would not even be visible.  Concerns of individuals matter in the ethical sense that human needs are important.  But you have to consider the sheer magnitude of the stars in everything, every time you think or plant a tree or beg for water, you have to consider the fullness of the Mystery, of Science, of Life.  
+
+I’ve been sitting and studying mindfulness and breath for a long time.  Breath just goes to a certain point, all of it retained within our biome.  There is more to living even than life itself.  
+
+I began learning about Halley’s comet, something I had only had heard of before.  I did some math and noticed that in 3 and a half or 4 years, Halley’s comet will be as distant as it ever is from our Earth and sun.  In 1986, Halley’s comet passed in its orbit as near as it ever gets to us here on Earth.  
+
+I began learning about the Voyager 2, something I had barely known about before.  Voyager 2 is 11 billion miles away.  In November 2018, when Voyager 2 left our solar system.  
+
+How can I call my creations poetry or art if they don’t consider but a pea world in the scope of the Universe?  To be a poet, I must know the full mystery.  To be a human with any claim to consciousness I must have some knowledge beyond this Globe.  

rename index.mdwn to don__39__t_forget_the_scope_of_the_Universe__33____33____33__.mdwn
diff --git a/index.mdwn b/don__39__t_forget_the_scope_of_the_Universe__33____33____33__.mdwn
similarity index 100%
rename from index.mdwn
rename to don__39__t_forget_the_scope_of_the_Universe__33____33____33__.mdwn

update for rename of index.mdwn to don__39__t_forget_the_scope_of_the_Universe__33____33____33__.mdwn
diff --git a/comments.mdwn b/comments.mdwn
index e22b50a..184483f 100644
--- a/comments.mdwn
+++ b/comments.mdwn
@@ -5,6 +5,6 @@ Comments in the [[!commentmoderation desc="moderation queue"]]:
 [[!pagecount pages="comment_pending(./posts/*)"]]
 """]]
 
-Recent comments on posts in the [[blog|index]]:
+Recent comments on posts in the [[blog|don't_forget_the_scope_of_the_Universe!!!]]:
 [[!inline pages="./posts/*/Discussion or comment(./posts/*)"
 template="comment"]]

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index d9ceb01..b4987d8 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -21,3 +21,26 @@ The pattern is the whole point of the noticing.
 How can I record my habits so I know what they are?
 
 It's a simple question, I find myself asking, still unsure of the giant answer I just discovered.  
+
+
+-----------------------------------------------------                                                                     ----------------------------------------
+
+
+In my sleep, I solved my own riddle.  What is larger than me but still pertaining?  
+
+
+Here’s another.  What do my dog, a pandemic, and president Trump all have in common?  What does Bernie Sanders, Ruth Bader Ginsberg, and my Mom also share in common with all the other things I have listed?  Atmosphere.  
+
+When I woke up this morning, somehow I remembered that all of our problems and poetry on this Earth, have a third dimension that is too often forgotten.  
+
+I went to walk by a pond.  A great blue heron and 20 geese orbited over head, both species passing in a circle above my little bulb.  Everything I could lay my eyes on, under the hazy sky, all shared a common atmosphere, and generally, a perspective and a centering on this Earth.  I hug trees and love this world as much as the next person, but we are not confined to the scope of the atmosphere around the Earth.  Our existence, life goes billions of astronomical units beyond this measly atmosphere.  When we forget to apply the vastness of space to our experience, we are existing in a shell of ignorance, ignoring the very important scope of life, of the world.  In everything we can study, from human emotion to empathy to kindness and compassion, our understanding of things misses the truth if we exist with oblivion towards the scope of things.  Just knowing about our own atmosphere is small minded, shrinking the purpose and the beauty therein.  
+
+What can I do to remember the stars, the vastness of existence?  Personally, it seems reasonable that reading more about our Universe will teach me something about my self.  I have started studying the solar system, imaging the amplitude of our small world, and the giant realm of the galaxy, of everything.  If someone says everything, and forgets the majority of what it means to be something, they are not being realistic, if by everything you mean the things of this Earth only, you are forgetting the size of our world.  If you looked at the whole Universe on a giant map, our Earth would not even be visible.  Concerns of individuals matter in the ethical sense that human needs are important.  But you have to consider the sheer magnitude of the stars in everything, every time you think or plant a tree or beg for water, you have to consider the fullness of the Mystery, of Science, of Life.  
+
+I’ve been sitting and studying mindfulness and breath for a long time.  Breath just goes to a certain point, all of it retained within our biome.  There is more to living even than life itself.  
+
+I began learning about Halley’s comet, something I had only had heard of before.  I did some math and noticed that in 3 and a half or 4 years, Halley’s comet will be as distant as it ever is from our Earth and sun.  In 1986, Halley’s comet passed in its orbit as near as it ever gets to us here on Earth.  
+
+I began learning about the Voyager 2, something I had barely known about before.  Voyager 2 is 11 billion miles away.  In November 2018, when Voyager 2 left our solar system.  
+
+How can I call my creations poetry or art if they don’t consider but a pea world in the scope of the Universe?  To be a poet, I must know the full mystery.  To be a human with any claim to consciousness I must have some knowledge beyond this Globe.  

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index 4e6b01b..d9ceb01 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -1 +1,23 @@
-check back for changes
+It takes perspective to see the pattern.  
+
+It only seems visible when the sun and moon are in just the right position.  
+
+Often we look up and all we see is sky, or ceiling.  
+
+It's that rare moment, when the etches of tree branches, begin to resemble something you saw this time last year exactly, just for a flash, or the blink of an eye.  
+
+You might go around muting yourself until your voice has to be let out.
+
+You might dream of a connection you disbelieve is out there.  
+
+You might wake up with a realization at the tip of your tongue.
+
+It's something you noticed before though.  
+
+It may have been a long time ago.  
+
+The pattern is the whole point of the noticing.  
+
+How can I record my habits so I know what they are?
+
+It's a simple question, I find myself asking, still unsure of the giant answer I just discovered.  

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index c1aff9c..4e6b01b 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -1,31 +1 @@
-Virtual Contemplative Writing Group forming
-
-Any and all are welcome to attend. 
-
-Basically this is a time to connect with yourself as a writer.  
-
-You may write creatively during this time or you may journal.  You also can just sit there and think about what you might like to write in the future.  You don't have to be the next Thomas Merton to call your writing contemplative.  This is a broad term when I use it, an inclusive term.  It will not feel like a pressured time to come up with something brilliant, just a relaxed setting in which by you writing and me writing, together, we are collectively more encouraged to write something.  
-
-Daily practice  (Monday through Friday)  
-
-Starting December 2020.  
-
-8:30- 9:00AM Eastern Standard Time
-
-8:30- 8:40AM  EST  first 10 minutes meet and greet, recommended for new participants
-
-8:40-8:55AM EST next 15 minutes Contemplative Writing practice.  (We will write together, but in this group, not share our works.  Members are encouraged to share your writing later by email.)
-
-8:55-9:00AM EST wrapping up and saying goodbye
-
-copy the following link:  
-
-https://meet.jit.si/contemplativewritinggroup
-
-
-Jitsi is an open source video meeting platform.  All you have to do to attend is click the link.  
-
-with questions, feel free to write Maggie Hess at beautyitselfispurpose@gmail.com
-
-Maggie Hess is a poet, essayist, blogger, and children's book writer, illustrator.  Hess advocates for disability resilience with her BA from Berea College, and looks forward to swimming pools.  Her books are available on Amazon in print, Kindle, and Audible.  Her growing online classes can be found at Skillshare.com
-
+check back for changes

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index 54c3f63..c1aff9c 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -27,5 +27,5 @@ Jitsi is an open source video meeting platform.  All you have to do to attend is
 
 with questions, feel free to write Maggie Hess at beautyitselfispurpose@gmail.com
 
-
+Maggie Hess is a poet, essayist, blogger, and children's book writer, illustrator.  Hess advocates for disability resilience with her BA from Berea College, and looks forward to swimming pools.  Her books are available on Amazon in print, Kindle, and Audible.  Her growing online classes can be found at Skillshare.com
 

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index bb0ae23..54c3f63 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -1,8 +1,10 @@
 Virtual Contemplative Writing Group forming
 
-Any and all are welcome to attend.  Especially good for someone needing a calm start to your day, and those needing mental healing.  
+Any and all are welcome to attend. 
 
-Basically this is a time to connect with yourself as a writer.  You may write creatively during this time or you may journal.  You also can just sit there and think about what you might like to write in the future.  You don't have to be the next Thomas Merton to call your writing contemplative.  This is a broad term when I use it, an inclusive term.  It will not feel like a pressured time to come up with something brilliant, just a relaxed setting in which by you writing and me writing, together, we are collectively more encouraged to write something.  
+Basically this is a time to connect with yourself as a writer.  
+
+You may write creatively during this time or you may journal.  You also can just sit there and think about what you might like to write in the future.  You don't have to be the next Thomas Merton to call your writing contemplative.  This is a broad term when I use it, an inclusive term.  It will not feel like a pressured time to come up with something brilliant, just a relaxed setting in which by you writing and me writing, together, we are collectively more encouraged to write something.  
 
 Daily practice  (Monday through Friday)  
 

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index d98e17f..bb0ae23 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -2,6 +2,8 @@ Virtual Contemplative Writing Group forming
 
 Any and all are welcome to attend.  Especially good for someone needing a calm start to your day, and those needing mental healing.  
 
+Basically this is a time to connect with yourself as a writer.  You may write creatively during this time or you may journal.  You also can just sit there and think about what you might like to write in the future.  You don't have to be the next Thomas Merton to call your writing contemplative.  This is a broad term when I use it, an inclusive term.  It will not feel like a pressured time to come up with something brilliant, just a relaxed setting in which by you writing and me writing, together, we are collectively more encouraged to write something.  
+
 Daily practice  (Monday through Friday)  
 
 Starting December 2020.  
@@ -23,3 +25,5 @@ Jitsi is an open source video meeting platform.  All you have to do to attend is
 
 with questions, feel free to write Maggie Hess at beautyitselfispurpose@gmail.com
 
+
+

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index e2cfcb5..d98e17f 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -1,4 +1,4 @@
-Virtual Reflective Writing Group forming
+Virtual Contemplative Writing Group forming
 
 Any and all are welcome to attend.  Especially good for someone needing a calm start to your day, and those needing mental healing.  
 
@@ -16,7 +16,8 @@ Starting December 2020.
 
 copy the following link:  
 
-https://meet.jit.si/VirtualWritingSangha
+https://meet.jit.si/contemplativewritinggroup
+
 
 Jitsi is an open source video meeting platform.  All you have to do to attend is click the link.  
 

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index 278ce4b..e2cfcb5 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -14,9 +14,9 @@ Starting December 2020.
 
 8:55-9:00AM EST wrapping up and saying goodbye
 
-use the following link:  
+copy the following link:  
 
-<a href="url"> https://meet.jit.si/VirtualWritingSangha </a>
+https://meet.jit.si/VirtualWritingSangha
 
 Jitsi is an open source video meeting platform.  All you have to do to attend is click the link.  
 

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index 3887530..278ce4b 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -16,7 +16,7 @@ Starting December 2020.
 
 use the following link:  
 
-<a href="url">meet.jit.si/VirtualWritingSangha</a>
+<a href="url"> https://meet.jit.si/VirtualWritingSangha </a>
 
 Jitsi is an open source video meeting platform.  All you have to do to attend is click the link.  
 

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index 86f637e..3887530 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -16,7 +16,7 @@ Starting December 2020.
 
 use the following link:  
 
-<a href="url">https://meet.jit.si/VirtualWritingSangha</a>
+<a href="url">meet.jit.si/VirtualWritingSangha</a>
 
 Jitsi is an open source video meeting platform.  All you have to do to attend is click the link.  
 

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index c1f3307..86f637e 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -1,4 +1,4 @@
-Virtual Meditation Group forming
+Virtual Reflective Writing Group forming
 
 Any and all are welcome to attend.  Especially good for someone needing a calm start to your day, and those needing mental healing.  
 
@@ -10,13 +10,13 @@ Starting December 2020.
 
 8:30- 8:40AM  EST  first 10 minutes meet and greet, recommended for new participants
 
-8:40-8:55AM EST next 15 minutes Meditation (varying practices, may be guided or silent depending on group, always beginner level)
+8:40-8:55AM EST next 15 minutes Contemplative Writing practice.  (We will write together, but in this group, not share our works.  Members are encouraged to share your writing later by email.)
 
 8:55-9:00AM EST wrapping up and saying goodbye
 
 use the following link:  
 
-<a href="url">https://meet.jit.si/VirtualMeditationSangha</a>
+<a href="url">https://meet.jit.si/VirtualWritingSangha</a>
 
 Jitsi is an open source video meeting platform.  All you have to do to attend is click the link.  
 

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index 0b2187f..c1f3307 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -8,7 +8,7 @@ Starting December 2020.
 
 8:30- 9:00AM Eastern Standard Time
 
-8:30- 8:40AM  EST  first 10 minutes meet and greet, required for new participants
+8:30- 8:40AM  EST  first 10 minutes meet and greet, recommended for new participants
 
 8:40-8:55AM EST next 15 minutes Meditation (varying practices, may be guided or silent depending on group, always beginner level)
 

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index e4c6d5c..0b2187f 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -20,3 +20,5 @@ use the following link:
 
 Jitsi is an open source video meeting platform.  All you have to do to attend is click the link.  
 
+with questions, feel free to write Maggie Hess at beautyitselfispurpose@gmail.com
+

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index 5423e30..e4c6d5c 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -1,30 +1,22 @@
-I got a new idea to use my website as if it is an etch a sketch or quotidian mandala, changing the content on a daily basis!  So here goes.
+Virtual Meditation Group forming
 
+Any and all are welcome to attend.  Especially good for someone needing a calm start to your day, and those needing mental healing.  
 
-Thursday, December 10, 2020
+Daily practice  (Monday through Friday)  
 
-Look to the Horizon and Your Eyes will Heal
+Starting December 2020.  
 
-I used to say look to the horizon
+8:30- 9:00AM Eastern Standard Time
 
-and your eyes will heal
+8:30- 8:40AM  EST  first 10 minutes meet and greet, required for new participants
 
-because my sister shared a study
+8:40-8:55AM EST next 15 minutes Meditation (varying practices, may be guided or silent depending on group, always beginner level)
 
-about long distance gazing
+8:55-9:00AM EST wrapping up and saying goodbye
 
-and how it improves vision.
+use the following link:  
 
+<a href="url">https://meet.jit.si/VirtualMeditationSangha</a>
 
+Jitsi is an open source video meeting platform.  All you have to do to attend is click the link.  
 
-Lately I feel my eyes resting upon
-
-the gentle blue sky
-
-with the silhouettes of golden brown trees
-
-dressed bare across the scenery
-
-and I think now something more is healing
-
-when I look to the horizon than my eyes.

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index 1d24a44..5423e30 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -1,46 +1,30 @@
 I got a new idea to use my website as if it is an etch a sketch or quotidian mandala, changing the content on a daily basis!  So here goes.
 
 
-Wednesday, December 9, 2020
+Thursday, December 10, 2020
 
-Trying to be Sunny
+Look to the Horizon and Your Eyes will Heal
 
-"It's trying to be sunny
+I used to say look to the horizon
 
-says Maura this morning
+and your eyes will heal
 
-on a line we agree,
+because my sister shared a study
 
-sometimes we just need to say things
+about long distance gazing
 
-with somebody listening.
+and how it improves vision.
 
-At noon, gleaning sun
 
-breaks through the glass,
 
-where Mom and I eat cake.  
+Lately I feel my eyes resting upon
 
+the gentle blue sky
 
+with the silhouettes of golden brown trees
 
-When I called you,
+dressed bare across the scenery
 
-I was trying to be sunny.  
+and I think now something more is healing
 
-Sometimes we just need to try.  
-
-Then later, it comes through
-
-easy.  
-
-
-
-
-Today I want to write something about mood and pandemic. I think I am going to draw an (unscientific) graph of what I remember my mood was like during the course of this pandemic, starting in March when I began to shelter in place and ending now, in December.  Then I would like to graph my mood as it is currently over the course of a day, and finally how it was prior to the pandemic over the course of a day.  At the heart of my desire to graph my mood (and see other people's graph's) is that due to pandemic fatigue I have been experiencing, I think my creative energy, which is the joy of my life, is decreasing gradually lately.  I do think I can retrieve it.  I know I am very resilient, and I think that if I exercise a lot more, then my mood will boost on those activity juices alone.  Keeping it up during a pandemic can be a challenge, but I am committed to being happy, which according to His Holiness the Dalai Lama is the meaning of life.  
-
-
-
-[[!img DSCF6178.JPG align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]
-
-
-[[!img DSCF6177.JPG align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]
+when I look to the horizon than my eyes.

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index e21665d..1d24a44 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -3,6 +3,38 @@ I got a new idea to use my website as if it is an etch a sketch or quotidian man
 
 Wednesday, December 9, 2020
 
+Trying to be Sunny
+
+"It's trying to be sunny
+
+says Maura this morning
+
+on a line we agree,
+
+sometimes we just need to say things
+
+with somebody listening.
+
+At noon, gleaning sun
+
+breaks through the glass,
+
+where Mom and I eat cake.  
+
+
+
+When I called you,
+
+I was trying to be sunny.  
+
+Sometimes we just need to try.  
+
+Then later, it comes through
+
+easy.  
+
+
+
 
 Today I want to write something about mood and pandemic. I think I am going to draw an (unscientific) graph of what I remember my mood was like during the course of this pandemic, starting in March when I began to shelter in place and ending now, in December.  Then I would like to graph my mood as it is currently over the course of a day, and finally how it was prior to the pandemic over the course of a day.  At the heart of my desire to graph my mood (and see other people's graph's) is that due to pandemic fatigue I have been experiencing, I think my creative energy, which is the joy of my life, is decreasing gradually lately.  I do think I can retrieve it.  I know I am very resilient, and I think that if I exercise a lot more, then my mood will boost on those activity juices alone.  Keeping it up during a pandemic can be a challenge, but I am committed to being happy, which according to His Holiness the Dalai Lama is the meaning of life.  
 

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index fce6993..e21665d 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -5,3 +5,10 @@ Wednesday, December 9, 2020
 
 
 Today I want to write something about mood and pandemic. I think I am going to draw an (unscientific) graph of what I remember my mood was like during the course of this pandemic, starting in March when I began to shelter in place and ending now, in December.  Then I would like to graph my mood as it is currently over the course of a day, and finally how it was prior to the pandemic over the course of a day.  At the heart of my desire to graph my mood (and see other people's graph's) is that due to pandemic fatigue I have been experiencing, I think my creative energy, which is the joy of my life, is decreasing gradually lately.  I do think I can retrieve it.  I know I am very resilient, and I think that if I exercise a lot more, then my mood will boost on those activity juices alone.  Keeping it up during a pandemic can be a challenge, but I am committed to being happy, which according to His Holiness the Dalai Lama is the meaning of life.  
+
+
+
+[[!img DSCF6178.JPG align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]
+
+
+[[!img DSCF6177.JPG align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]

attachment upload
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diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index bf929da..fce6993 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -1 +1,7 @@
-I got a new idea to use my website as if it is an etch a sketch, changing the content on a daily basis!  So here goes.
+I got a new idea to use my website as if it is an etch a sketch or quotidian mandala, changing the content on a daily basis!  So here goes.
+
+
+Wednesday, December 9, 2020
+
+
+Today I want to write something about mood and pandemic. I think I am going to draw an (unscientific) graph of what I remember my mood was like during the course of this pandemic, starting in March when I began to shelter in place and ending now, in December.  Then I would like to graph my mood as it is currently over the course of a day, and finally how it was prior to the pandemic over the course of a day.  At the heart of my desire to graph my mood (and see other people's graph's) is that due to pandemic fatigue I have been experiencing, I think my creative energy, which is the joy of my life, is decreasing gradually lately.  I do think I can retrieve it.  I know I am very resilient, and I think that if I exercise a lot more, then my mood will boost on those activity juices alone.  Keeping it up during a pandemic can be a challenge, but I am committed to being happy, which according to His Holiness the Dalai Lama is the meaning of life.  

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index cfabb10..bf929da 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -1 +1 @@
-I need a break from having my beautiful expression on this page.  I am not sure what is the point of this blog here because I never get feedback on it at all and am not sure who is reading it.  
+I got a new idea to use my website as if it is an etch a sketch, changing the content on a daily basis!  So here goes.

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index 7cd5400..cfabb10 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -1,1497 +1 @@
-<iframe style="width:120px;height:240px;" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" src="//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?ServiceVersion=20070822&OneJS=1&Operation=GetAdHtml&MarketPlace=US&source=ac&ref=tf_til&ad_type=product_link&tracking_id=author0d7-20&marketplace=amazon&region=US&placement=B08L84THNR&asins=B08L84THNR&linkId=f2ef67743f3156325bb4a74bde082829&show_border=false&link_opens_in_new_window=false&price_color=333333&title_color=0066C0&bg_color=FFFFFF">
-    </iframe>
-
-<iframe style="width:120px;height:240px;" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" src="//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?ServiceVersion=20070822&OneJS=1&Operation=GetAdHtml&MarketPlace=US&source=ac&ref=tf_til&ad_type=product_link&tracking_id=author0d7-20&marketplace=amazon&region=US&placement=B08L4ZJ6R4&asins=B08L4ZJ6R4&linkId=333927791e07bd795d1b2d352a7f33e6&show_border=false&link_opens_in_new_window=false&price_color=333333&title_color=0066c0&bg_color=ffffff">
-    </iframe>
-
-<iframe style="width:120px;height:240px;" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" src="//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?ServiceVersion=20070822&OneJS=1&Operation=GetAdHtml&MarketPlace=US&source=ac&ref=tf_til&ad_type=product_link&tracking_id=author0d7-20&marketplace=amazon&region=US&placement=B08KSMKFTY&asins=B08KSMKFTY&linkId=3f67ad0a42370381094336946193be27&show_border=false&link_opens_in_new_window=false&price_color=333333&title_color=0066c0&bg_color=ffffff">
-    </iframe>
-
-<iframe style="width:120px;height:240px;" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" src="//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?ServiceVersion=20070822&OneJS=1&Operation=GetAdHtml&MarketPlace=US&source=ac&ref=tf_til&ad_type=product_link&tracking_id=author0d7-20&marketplace=amazon&region=US&placement=B08CG6H9XD&asins=B08CG6H9XD&linkId=77e69f939849fcc0b8a158a7a2d848a4&show_border=false&link_opens_in_new_window=false&price_color=333333&title_color=0066c0&bg_color=ffffff">
-    </iframe>
-
-
-<iframe style="width:120px;height:240px;" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" src="//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?ServiceVersion=20070822&OneJS=1&Operation=GetAdHtml&MarketPlace=US&source=ac&ref=tf_til&ad_type=product_link&tracking_id=author0d7-20&marketplace=amazon&region=US&placement=B07RBZ23PS&asins=B07RBZ23PS&linkId=7e658fd43065061ae43371981ff6f14d&show_border=false&link_opens_in_new_window=false&price_color=333333&title_color=0066c0&bg_color=ffffff">
-    </iframe>
-
-<iframe style="width:120px;height:240px;" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" src="//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?ServiceVersion=20070822&OneJS=1&Operation=GetAdHtml&MarketPlace=US&source=ac&ref=tf_til&ad_type=product_link&tracking_id=author0d7-20&marketplace=amazon&region=US&placement=B07L1C11Z6&asins=B07L1C11Z6&linkId=3c5a353c891c7df121ba91c5072658b0&show_border=false&link_opens_in_new_window=false&price_color=333333&title_color=0066c0&bg_color=ffffff">
-    </iframe>
-
-<iframe style="width:120px;height:240px;" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" src="//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?ServiceVersion=20070822&OneJS=1&Operation=GetAdHtml&MarketPlace=US&source=ac&ref=tf_til&ad_type=product_link&tracking_id=author0d7-20&marketplace=amazon&region=US&placement=B07QQTTXP4&asins=B07QQTTXP4&linkId=08d7982313571271579ba819ed9d1b1e&show_border=false&link_opens_in_new_window=false&price_color=333333&title_color=0066c0&bg_color=ffffff">
-    </iframe>
-
-December 8, 2020
-
-Sing loud and sing often
-
-speak clear and speak true
-
-I am trying to temporarily extricate rhyme from my poetry.  It is good to use sometimes, and I am an advocate of rhyme in modern poetry, but currently I am trying to emphasize something different for the time being, and it can be a little hard when you feel a certain musicality inside you to remove the catchiness that can exist internal in your Voice before it even hits the paper.  So I am taking this paragraph to remember I am the master of my own words, no matter what.
-
-Sing loud 
-
-Sing proud
-
-That is what I just wanted to write.  Yes, it is a contradiction.  Yes I said I wanted to do without the rhyme for this moment, but I wanted to expose what it was that I couldn't seem to help but express.
-
-Sing often
-
-Speak even if your voice feels weak
-
-Express your truth
-
-Freedom in every bird
-
-Is that caged heart singing
-
-Sing your music to the world
-
-Let yourself be known
-
-Break the cage open
-
-Wear something beautiful and sexy
-
-Stand on that stage
-
-Proud of who you are
-
-Stand on that stage
-
-Having shown your noble heart!
-
-This that you see on this blog in this entry is all just coming through me as you see it.  I edit a little as I write, but I am mostly just letting it happen.  I like going back and forth between poetry and prose in a single body of writing.  I like how it reads and writes.  It feels fluid, natural, and strong.  
-
-I could say, maybe I should just get all the rhyming out of my system, but the thing about a rhymer like me is it is very addictive, and seems to feed into itself and never stops once the flood gates open.  So more constraint practiced.  
-
-I gave my love an Oaken grove
-with letters tall and little
-She stood inside the dip of Earth
-sweeping between vowels
-I gave my love a poem
-built with strong trunk
-and not too many adjectives
-except for hearty adjectives
-like Oaken
-
-Maybe not keep all the poems.  Actually I do have a system for keeping every poem I write, and I think that more than anything has contributed to my strength as a poet.  I recommend other writers start saving your writing.  I lost a lot before I started, and it can be intimidating to start holding onto poems or any writing for that matter.  I have published over 40 poems in small presses, but I get something from saving my poems that goes way beyond and above publication.  To me publication is a goal, but it is not the main heart of the saving process.  It really does something in the writing process A. to be able to draw back upon saved words B. to be able to reread what you wrote a long time ago C. it helps in the letting go of the words you just wrote, so you don't fall too in love with what you created D. you can go back and edit them later which is something I don't do enough, but I have seen it really improve (my father's) poetry E. it makes it a whole lot easier to submit later F.  it helps you know what you have and can feel like a great accomplishment to see how much you accumulate.  I could go on and on.  
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-December 7 still, 2020
-
-As a special treat, I am republishing My Hojoki here.  It is available on Amazon and Audible, but has not been read or appreciated enough, so I want to spread it again here.
-
-My Hojoki (Nonfiction)
-
-I have never lost a home and I can only imagine how a fire is to survive with all your things on the other side. But for months at a time I lost my mind and for years my self control and my self confidence were shattered so violently I wasn’t sure I would ever be myself again. Maybe mental state comes and goes, as does strength, and earthly possessions. 
-
-Sometimes it was just a porch that saw me through to sanity, connecting me to birds and the nature around me. Birds dipping into old unused chimneys. Summer flocks or maybe bats. As the flocks is with woman kind. 
-
-These homes on my street have historically housed African American men, women, and children. In this sooty Southern town we all wait for the same rain. Birds, robins, sparrows, and swallows, all rejoice when it comes.
-
-There was a time when fruit trees were abundant on this street and chickens roamed free. My family moved to McDowell Street thirty years ago. The flocks, avian and human, stay the same. But fewer and fewer of the people are the exact same as when we started.
-
-Once I found the wing of a morning dove in my back yard. Nights can be cold for person and creature. Everyone perishes and comes once to life. But I never will know where the titmice rest at night or how they survive the freeze.
-
-Once I learned about the patterns of human psychology and the fractal make up of wings the same mathematic structure as flowers and galaxies. Homes and heads and herons all work by similar rhymes and reasons I think.
-
-Sometimes humans laugh at feathered animals as dumb or crazy but we are not in any tighter hold of our existence. We could all die tomorrow. Or we could all go crazy. Even the mights on the down have a certain natural might.
-
-In my time on this Earth, I have seen many grim things. Just last week a neighbor froze in his home, just as once birds fell loose from the heavens in an ice storm, As solid as I am today, my mind was once lost, unhinged by mental illness.
-
-I watched the world from inside the hospital window, wishing to piece my scattered thoughts back together. One entire October I spent in a ward, depressed and unable to fund outpatient care to get adjusted on my medicines. All I wanted that month was to feel sunlight and crunch leaves under foot, with black vultures circling. It’s lonely in the mental ward at 17. At 20 it seemed impossible to scramble out. 
-
-Once I met a hummingbird in the snow that had come so unexpected so early in Autumn. 
-
-My hopes were never lost completely. But I did not know how to find my competence again. I had to go on medicines that made em drool and stare in space. Eventually the medicines adjusted with me and I adjusted to my medicines. 
-
-My dignity was present but confused. I did not want to talk about myself as mentally ill. I did not realize the other people in the ward had hard stories like my own. 
-
-My mind felt blank and worn out for weeks and months. Then I started making a whirlwind of bad decisions. I accrued credit card and would end up declaring bankruptcy. I changed my mind too much, about everything. I started college again, at expensive schools, and had to withdraw because I had trouble making friends, because I was anxious about failure, because I could not move forward one step at a time.
-
-I withdrew from college more than anyone I have ever known. Other times I just quit. Of course, in order to quit multiple times I tried more than others. Sometimes I still muttered to myself when I could, if no one was around. The cardinals and the blue jays listened. The crows did too, always responding more than I ever spoke. 
-
-I made other decisions unrelated to college that were impulsive and risky. When I took unplanned trips, there were consequences. I traveled to Maine and was hurt by a stranger in an isolated bus terminal. 
-
-I had trouble finding friends I could trust, I thought. Paradoxically, I also had more support than most , so I endured a self made loneliness far too long. It took so much work to get to where I am now. Even just five years ago I cried and suffered in crisis every night. My medicines needed readjusting. 
-
-I am a pacifist but one of the worst results of mental illness was I physically hurt a woman’s hand in anger once. I also spent a night in jail for accidental property damage when I was entirely lost mentally with insanity early in my illness. How can a person call themselves a pacifist if they hurt someone else as I did?
-
-Sometimes flocks take formation and it is the most amazing sight. All of the individuals somehow keep perfectly respectable distance, and the whole group moves so simultaneously, so in sync. I go to a tree in fall and every year I muse over the dropping leaves, swept up in a gust, becoming birds. 
-
-Annually, I am in awe of the beauty and mystery. Every day I see something magical outside. 
-
-Some woman though, some person, is still trapped on the other side of the hospital glass. Unable to watch the swallows and bats sweep into old chimneys, unable to crunch leaves under their feet, someone else is experiencing suffering of mental illness like I did. 
-
-I see these insane people in my mind’s eye. Maybe it is temporary. I think everyone could be helped with the right circumstances, like me. Supports of caring family and friends, always having a home, legal help in dire straights, and perseverance from inside.
-
-Secretly, I think we all would have hope for perseverance if we were given the necessary treatment and complied with those who have our best interest in mind. Currently so many with mental illness go directly to jail and no one pays their bail or defends them. Currently not enough people can afford medicines or even find studies to help them become sane. 
-
-I know I am one of the most lucky ones with this illness. 
-
-From my front porch I tell the birds my story, most often lately, with long stares of meaningful connection. Sometimes I whistle to the towhee that rustles its beak deep in our plants under the grapevine, searching for grubs. 
-
-I believe in a kinship with living beings, human definitely but also those in flight. I have known the same heron for years where I visit her creek each week in spring, summer, fall, and winter. Once I cried out because she had been absent or hidden for so long. Then like a wish granted, I saw her lanky daughter wading in a pool near the white water falls. Soon after, I saw my old bird friend, the mother, and I noted the difference between her and the juvenile – her wing span so much broader. 
-
-Revisiting the shore, when rarely I am able, I have watched the plovers and sanderlings who run in and out with the tide. Their numbers seem to me to retreat into some distant place of non-being. I have worried they are thinning in numbers. 
-
-As the pelicans always seem constant and still fed by fish and good enough waters, I think about them as threatened by vulnerable human pollutions. Toxins and rising tides rip apart this world in every region. There is no perfect safe place from the elements, only an ability to choose not to wreck and ravage our planet. 
-
-It takes some of us longer in our lives to feel sorrow. But, we all fall down in our own way. We can lie crying or stand again a stronger person, reaching back with an open hand to pull the next individual to their feet.
-
-I fell and it felt like my thoughts would never be clear again. I fumbled in sorrow and thought I never could be happy again. I dropped and hit the lowest place I could imagine, but it was not the bottom just a dip I would look back to with sentiment. 
-
-But now I have climbed back up the hill and seen the top of the mountain. I know where the scarlet tanager lives high in the canopy. I live on a street on the base of the Holston Mountain. Sometimes I walk so climatically thrilling. I fall sometimes but I know the answer with resilience is to get back up as quickly as you can possibly can yet remaining sure and steady on your feet, and to never criticize yourself for being too slow. 
-
-I know I will never fall as low again as the pits of where I have been. I know I will never be in a mental ward again, and I also know everything of the mind is possible, meaning loss of control may happen to anyone at any time. So maybe I am wrong about the ward and my going there again. But I know just as likely that anyone else is just as likely to be hospitalized for their mental state as me to return to that pit of suffering. And I know the best pace to exit and the way out and I never would waste time climbing that steep hill again.
-
-I tell you this because anyone can fall and hurt and suffer. You can be struck ill at any moment in the worst, most unexpected way. You need to know this first to create a living hope for you to tap into if you fall.
-
-Next, you need to know this so you can celebrate what you have and where you are now. Last, if you already are suffering you need to know a kinship with someone out there who has a peaceful happiness and mental wellness. 
-
-If you know you have mental illness, you need to know hope. There is hope for you and for all of us, for the endangered birds and every fragile wing. When you look to the birds I want you to know that there is hope for all the Earth. 
-
-
-December 7, 2020
-
-Dear Friends,
-
-
-By some criteria, only one in seven people recover from schizophrenia. I have a sister diagnosis, schizo-affective disorder with the same root word schizo that means “split mind”. Being told you have schizo-affective disorder or schizophrenia can seem a diagnosis worse than cancer. But there is hope for people with these mental illnesses. I don’t think that the schizo- diagnoses are good words for the illnesses we suffer. Fortunately, Japan, the first country to rename schizophrenia, has acted as an experiment which proved the name is weighing down those effected by the illness. An early effect of renaming the disorder and thus of the introduction of the new concept was an increase of the percentage of people who were informed about their diagnosis (from 36.7% in 2002 to 69.7% in 2004: n = 1944). Being informed about diagnosis is paramount to treatment outcomes. So I would like to suggest that Westerners follow in the footprints of Japan (and now Korea) and rename schizophenias. My suggested new name for these illnesses is to use the same term Japan used “integration disorders” because that name so improved Japanese outcomes. I would like to get this name changed and would like to do it officially, so anyone who has suggestions about how to go about that, please write me and let me know.
-
-
-Kindly,
-
-Maggie Hess
-
-
-sources cited: https://academic.oup.com/schizophreniabulletin/article/40/2/255/1944451
-
-https://theconversation.com/the-concept-of-schizophrenia-is-coming-to-an-end-heres-why-82775
-
-
-
-December 6, 2020
-
-[[!img 20201126_121020.jpg align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]
-
-I am hoping to walk more each day for the main purpose of mood lift and poetry generation.  It's looking like I need to walk one more time than feels comfortable each day.  I walked 2 dog walks today, and clearly would have been better if I did 3.  Often I just do 1, but could do 2.  
-
-
-December 5 and a half, 2020
-
-An old college friend called and left an important voicemail for me. She said it is important to shift our perspectives and the story that they tell especially when there are details that we are forced to fill in ourselves and what comes up as a result of that.  I am thinking it over and figuring out what it means for me.
-
-Walking always stirs my mind, so immediately upon hearing Kaleigh’s message, I brought my dog to a favorite place to walk.  The soccer field is becoming a wetlands, and one lone robin stood out to me, wading along and pulling up worms and reminding me something of myself.  
-
-I think K hit right into something that could prompt me into a better direction.  I hadn’t been feeling bad at all but I had been pushing down thoughts that seem negative the way I have been imagining them.  My thoughts have been negative emotions towards my family, because since I live with my mother, the family I grew up in is constantly being considered, whether because my siblings call my Mom or she talks about family a lot.  The truth is I don’t hate my family, but what is the truth?  

(Diff truncated)
diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index bc57e70..7cd5400 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -20,6 +20,71 @@
 <iframe style="width:120px;height:240px;" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" src="//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?ServiceVersion=20070822&OneJS=1&Operation=GetAdHtml&MarketPlace=US&source=ac&ref=tf_til&ad_type=product_link&tracking_id=author0d7-20&marketplace=amazon&region=US&placement=B07QQTTXP4&asins=B07QQTTXP4&linkId=08d7982313571271579ba819ed9d1b1e&show_border=false&link_opens_in_new_window=false&price_color=333333&title_color=0066c0&bg_color=ffffff">
     </iframe>
 
+December 8, 2020
+
+Sing loud and sing often
+
+speak clear and speak true
+
+I am trying to temporarily extricate rhyme from my poetry.  It is good to use sometimes, and I am an advocate of rhyme in modern poetry, but currently I am trying to emphasize something different for the time being, and it can be a little hard when you feel a certain musicality inside you to remove the catchiness that can exist internal in your Voice before it even hits the paper.  So I am taking this paragraph to remember I am the master of my own words, no matter what.
+
+Sing loud 
+
+Sing proud
+
+That is what I just wanted to write.  Yes, it is a contradiction.  Yes I said I wanted to do without the rhyme for this moment, but I wanted to expose what it was that I couldn't seem to help but express.
+
+Sing often
+
+Speak even if your voice feels weak
+
+Express your truth
+
+Freedom in every bird
+
+Is that caged heart singing
+
+Sing your music to the world
+
+Let yourself be known
+
+Break the cage open
+
+Wear something beautiful and sexy
+
+Stand on that stage
+
+Proud of who you are
+
+Stand on that stage
+
+Having shown your noble heart!
+
+This that you see on this blog in this entry is all just coming through me as you see it.  I edit a little as I write, but I am mostly just letting it happen.  I like going back and forth between poetry and prose in a single body of writing.  I like how it reads and writes.  It feels fluid, natural, and strong.  
+
+I could say, maybe I should just get all the rhyming out of my system, but the thing about a rhymer like me is it is very addictive, and seems to feed into itself and never stops once the flood gates open.  So more constraint practiced.  
+
+I gave my love an Oaken grove
+with letters tall and little
+She stood inside the dip of Earth
+sweeping between vowels
+I gave my love a poem
+built with strong trunk
+and not too many adjectives
+except for hearty adjectives
+like Oaken
+
+Maybe not keep all the poems.  Actually I do have a system for keeping every poem I write, and I think that more than anything has contributed to my strength as a poet.  I recommend other writers start saving your writing.  I lost a lot before I started, and it can be intimidating to start holding onto poems or any writing for that matter.  I have published over 40 poems in small presses, but I get something from saving my poems that goes way beyond and above publication.  To me publication is a goal, but it is not the main heart of the saving process.  It really does something in the writing process A. to be able to draw back upon saved words B. to be able to reread what you wrote a long time ago C. it helps in the letting go of the words you just wrote, so you don't fall too in love with what you created D. you can go back and edit them later which is something I don't do enough, but I have seen it really improve (my father's) poetry E. it makes it a whole lot easier to submit later F.  it helps you know what you have and can feel like a great accomplishment to see how much you accumulate.  I could go on and on.  
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
 December 7 still, 2020
 
 As a special treat, I am republishing My Hojoki here.  It is available on Amazon and Audible, but has not been read or appreciated enough, so I want to spread it again here.

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index f5a2ede..bc57e70 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -20,6 +20,80 @@
 <iframe style="width:120px;height:240px;" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" src="//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?ServiceVersion=20070822&OneJS=1&Operation=GetAdHtml&MarketPlace=US&source=ac&ref=tf_til&ad_type=product_link&tracking_id=author0d7-20&marketplace=amazon&region=US&placement=B07QQTTXP4&asins=B07QQTTXP4&linkId=08d7982313571271579ba819ed9d1b1e&show_border=false&link_opens_in_new_window=false&price_color=333333&title_color=0066c0&bg_color=ffffff">
     </iframe>
 
+December 7 still, 2020
+
+As a special treat, I am republishing My Hojoki here.  It is available on Amazon and Audible, but has not been read or appreciated enough, so I want to spread it again here.
+
+My Hojoki (Nonfiction)
+
+I have never lost a home and I can only imagine how a fire is to survive with all your things on the other side. But for months at a time I lost my mind and for years my self control and my self confidence were shattered so violently I wasn’t sure I would ever be myself again. Maybe mental state comes and goes, as does strength, and earthly possessions. 
+
+Sometimes it was just a porch that saw me through to sanity, connecting me to birds and the nature around me. Birds dipping into old unused chimneys. Summer flocks or maybe bats. As the flocks is with woman kind. 
+
+These homes on my street have historically housed African American men, women, and children. In this sooty Southern town we all wait for the same rain. Birds, robins, sparrows, and swallows, all rejoice when it comes.
+
+There was a time when fruit trees were abundant on this street and chickens roamed free. My family moved to McDowell Street thirty years ago. The flocks, avian and human, stay the same. But fewer and fewer of the people are the exact same as when we started.
+
+Once I found the wing of a morning dove in my back yard. Nights can be cold for person and creature. Everyone perishes and comes once to life. But I never will know where the titmice rest at night or how they survive the freeze.
+
+Once I learned about the patterns of human psychology and the fractal make up of wings the same mathematic structure as flowers and galaxies. Homes and heads and herons all work by similar rhymes and reasons I think.
+
+Sometimes humans laugh at feathered animals as dumb or crazy but we are not in any tighter hold of our existence. We could all die tomorrow. Or we could all go crazy. Even the mights on the down have a certain natural might.
+
+In my time on this Earth, I have seen many grim things. Just last week a neighbor froze in his home, just as once birds fell loose from the heavens in an ice storm, As solid as I am today, my mind was once lost, unhinged by mental illness.
+
+I watched the world from inside the hospital window, wishing to piece my scattered thoughts back together. One entire October I spent in a ward, depressed and unable to fund outpatient care to get adjusted on my medicines. All I wanted that month was to feel sunlight and crunch leaves under foot, with black vultures circling. It’s lonely in the mental ward at 17. At 20 it seemed impossible to scramble out. 
+
+Once I met a hummingbird in the snow that had come so unexpected so early in Autumn. 
+
+My hopes were never lost completely. But I did not know how to find my competence again. I had to go on medicines that made em drool and stare in space. Eventually the medicines adjusted with me and I adjusted to my medicines. 
+
+My dignity was present but confused. I did not want to talk about myself as mentally ill. I did not realize the other people in the ward had hard stories like my own. 
+
+My mind felt blank and worn out for weeks and months. Then I started making a whirlwind of bad decisions. I accrued credit card and would end up declaring bankruptcy. I changed my mind too much, about everything. I started college again, at expensive schools, and had to withdraw because I had trouble making friends, because I was anxious about failure, because I could not move forward one step at a time.
+
+I withdrew from college more than anyone I have ever known. Other times I just quit. Of course, in order to quit multiple times I tried more than others. Sometimes I still muttered to myself when I could, if no one was around. The cardinals and the blue jays listened. The crows did too, always responding more than I ever spoke. 
+
+I made other decisions unrelated to college that were impulsive and risky. When I took unplanned trips, there were consequences. I traveled to Maine and was hurt by a stranger in an isolated bus terminal. 
+
+I had trouble finding friends I could trust, I thought. Paradoxically, I also had more support than most , so I endured a self made loneliness far too long. It took so much work to get to where I am now. Even just five years ago I cried and suffered in crisis every night. My medicines needed readjusting. 
+
+I am a pacifist but one of the worst results of mental illness was I physically hurt a woman’s hand in anger once. I also spent a night in jail for accidental property damage when I was entirely lost mentally with insanity early in my illness. How can a person call themselves a pacifist if they hurt someone else as I did?
+
+Sometimes flocks take formation and it is the most amazing sight. All of the individuals somehow keep perfectly respectable distance, and the whole group moves so simultaneously, so in sync. I go to a tree in fall and every year I muse over the dropping leaves, swept up in a gust, becoming birds. 
+
+Annually, I am in awe of the beauty and mystery. Every day I see something magical outside. 
+
+Some woman though, some person, is still trapped on the other side of the hospital glass. Unable to watch the swallows and bats sweep into old chimneys, unable to crunch leaves under their feet, someone else is experiencing suffering of mental illness like I did. 
+
+I see these insane people in my mind’s eye. Maybe it is temporary. I think everyone could be helped with the right circumstances, like me. Supports of caring family and friends, always having a home, legal help in dire straights, and perseverance from inside.
+
+Secretly, I think we all would have hope for perseverance if we were given the necessary treatment and complied with those who have our best interest in mind. Currently so many with mental illness go directly to jail and no one pays their bail or defends them. Currently not enough people can afford medicines or even find studies to help them become sane. 
+
+I know I am one of the most lucky ones with this illness. 
+
+From my front porch I tell the birds my story, most often lately, with long stares of meaningful connection. Sometimes I whistle to the towhee that rustles its beak deep in our plants under the grapevine, searching for grubs. 
+
+I believe in a kinship with living beings, human definitely but also those in flight. I have known the same heron for years where I visit her creek each week in spring, summer, fall, and winter. Once I cried out because she had been absent or hidden for so long. Then like a wish granted, I saw her lanky daughter wading in a pool near the white water falls. Soon after, I saw my old bird friend, the mother, and I noted the difference between her and the juvenile – her wing span so much broader. 
+
+Revisiting the shore, when rarely I am able, I have watched the plovers and sanderlings who run in and out with the tide. Their numbers seem to me to retreat into some distant place of non-being. I have worried they are thinning in numbers. 
+
+As the pelicans always seem constant and still fed by fish and good enough waters, I think about them as threatened by vulnerable human pollutions. Toxins and rising tides rip apart this world in every region. There is no perfect safe place from the elements, only an ability to choose not to wreck and ravage our planet. 
+
+It takes some of us longer in our lives to feel sorrow. But, we all fall down in our own way. We can lie crying or stand again a stronger person, reaching back with an open hand to pull the next individual to their feet.
+
+I fell and it felt like my thoughts would never be clear again. I fumbled in sorrow and thought I never could be happy again. I dropped and hit the lowest place I could imagine, but it was not the bottom just a dip I would look back to with sentiment. 
+
+But now I have climbed back up the hill and seen the top of the mountain. I know where the scarlet tanager lives high in the canopy. I live on a street on the base of the Holston Mountain. Sometimes I walk so climatically thrilling. I fall sometimes but I know the answer with resilience is to get back up as quickly as you can possibly can yet remaining sure and steady on your feet, and to never criticize yourself for being too slow. 
+
+I know I will never fall as low again as the pits of where I have been. I know I will never be in a mental ward again, and I also know everything of the mind is possible, meaning loss of control may happen to anyone at any time. So maybe I am wrong about the ward and my going there again. But I know just as likely that anyone else is just as likely to be hospitalized for their mental state as me to return to that pit of suffering. And I know the best pace to exit and the way out and I never would waste time climbing that steep hill again.
+
+I tell you this because anyone can fall and hurt and suffer. You can be struck ill at any moment in the worst, most unexpected way. You need to know this first to create a living hope for you to tap into if you fall.
+
+Next, you need to know this so you can celebrate what you have and where you are now. Last, if you already are suffering you need to know a kinship with someone out there who has a peaceful happiness and mental wellness. 
+
+If you know you have mental illness, you need to know hope. There is hope for you and for all of us, for the endangered birds and every fragile wing. When you look to the birds I want you to know that there is hope for all the Earth. 
+
 
 December 7, 2020
 

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index e5b4845..f5a2ede 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -25,23 +25,19 @@ December 7, 2020
 
 Dear Friends,
 
-	By some criteria, only one in seven people recover from schizophrenia.  I have a sister diagnosis, schizo-affective disorder with the same root word schizo that means
- “split mind”.  Being told you have schizo-affective disorder or schizophrenia can seem a diagnosis worse than cancer.  But there is hope for people with these mental illnesses.  
-I don’t think that the schizo- diagnoses are good words for the illnesses we suffer.  Fortunately, Japan, the first country to rename schizophrenia, has acted as an experiment 
-which proved the name is weighing down those effected by the illness. An early effect of renaming the disorder and thus of the introduction of the new concept was an increase
- of the percentage of people who were informed about their diagnosis (from 36.7% in 2002 to 69.7% in 2004: n = 1944). Being informed about diagnosis is paramount to 
-treatment outcomes.  So I would like to suggest that Westerners follow in the footprints of Japan (and now Korea) and rename schizophenias.  My suggested new name for these
- illnesses is to use the same term Japan used “integration disorders” because that name so improved Japanese outcomes.  I would like to get this name changed and would like 
-to do it officially, so anyone who has suggestions about how to go about that, please write me and let me know.  
+
+By some criteria, only one in seven people recover from schizophrenia. I have a sister diagnosis, schizo-affective disorder with the same root word schizo that means “split mind”. Being told you have schizo-affective disorder or schizophrenia can seem a diagnosis worse than cancer. But there is hope for people with these mental illnesses. I don’t think that the schizo- diagnoses are good words for the illnesses we suffer. Fortunately, Japan, the first country to rename schizophrenia, has acted as an experiment which proved the name is weighing down those effected by the illness. An early effect of renaming the disorder and thus of the introduction of the new concept was an increase of the percentage of people who were informed about their diagnosis (from 36.7% in 2002 to 69.7% in 2004: n = 1944). Being informed about diagnosis is paramount to treatment outcomes. So I would like to suggest that Westerners follow in the footprints of Japan (and now Korea) and rename schizophenias. My suggested new name for these illnesses is to use the same term Japan used “integration disorders” because that name so improved Japanese outcomes. I would like to get this name changed and would like to do it officially, so anyone who has suggestions about how to go about that, please write me and let me know.
 
 
 Kindly,
 
 Maggie Hess
 
-sources cited:  https://academic.oup.com/schizophreniabulletin/article/40/2/255/1944451
 
-https://theconversation.com/the-concept-of-schizophrenia-is-coming-to-an-end-heres-why-82775 
+sources cited: https://academic.oup.com/schizophreniabulletin/article/40/2/255/1944451
+
+https://theconversation.com/the-concept-of-schizophrenia-is-coming-to-an-end-heres-why-82775
+
 
 
 December 6, 2020

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index 63e5a8b..e5b4845 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -36,6 +36,7 @@ to do it officially, so anyone who has suggestions about how to go about that, p
 
 
 Kindly,
+
 Maggie Hess
 
 sources cited:  https://academic.oup.com/schizophreniabulletin/article/40/2/255/1944451

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index 82e8652..63e5a8b 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -25,14 +25,24 @@ December 7, 2020
 
 Dear Friends,
 
-	By some criteria, only one in seven people recover from schizophrenia.  I have a sister diagnosis, schizo-affective disorder with the same root word schizo that means “split mind”.  Being told you have schizo-affective disorder or schizophrenia can seem a diagnosis worse than cancer.  But there is hope for people with these mental illnesses.  I don’t think that the schizo- diagnosises are good words for the illnesses we suffer.  Fortunately, Japan, the first country to rename schizophrenia, has acted as an experiment which proved the name is weighing down those effected by the illness. An early effect of renaming the disorder and of the introduction of the new concept was an increase of the percentage of people who were informed about their diagnosis (from 36.7% in 2002 to 69.7% in 2004: n = 1944). Being informed about diagnosis is paramount to treatment outcomes.  So I would like to suggest that Westerners follow in the footprints of Japan (and now Korea) and rename schizophenias.  My suggested new name for these illnesses is to use the same term Japan used “integration disorders” because that name so improved Japanese outcomes.  I would like to get this name changed and would like to do it officially, so anyone who has suggestions about how to go about that, please write me and let me know.  
+	By some criteria, only one in seven people recover from schizophrenia.  I have a sister diagnosis, schizo-affective disorder with the same root word schizo that means
+ “split mind”.  Being told you have schizo-affective disorder or schizophrenia can seem a diagnosis worse than cancer.  But there is hope for people with these mental illnesses.  
+I don’t think that the schizo- diagnoses are good words for the illnesses we suffer.  Fortunately, Japan, the first country to rename schizophrenia, has acted as an experiment 
+which proved the name is weighing down those effected by the illness. An early effect of renaming the disorder and thus of the introduction of the new concept was an increase
+ of the percentage of people who were informed about their diagnosis (from 36.7% in 2002 to 69.7% in 2004: n = 1944). Being informed about diagnosis is paramount to 
+treatment outcomes.  So I would like to suggest that Westerners follow in the footprints of Japan (and now Korea) and rename schizophenias.  My suggested new name for these
+ illnesses is to use the same term Japan used “integration disorders” because that name so improved Japanese outcomes.  I would like to get this name changed and would like 
+to do it officially, so anyone who has suggestions about how to go about that, please write me and let me know.  
+
 
 Kindly,
 Maggie Hess
 
-sources sited:  https://academic.oup.com/schizophreniabulletin/article/40/2/255/1944451
+sources cited:  https://academic.oup.com/schizophreniabulletin/article/40/2/255/1944451
+
 https://theconversation.com/the-concept-of-schizophrenia-is-coming-to-an-end-heres-why-82775 
 
+
 December 6, 2020
 
 [[!img 20201126_121020.jpg align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index 9ac6731..82e8652 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -23,12 +23,15 @@
 
 December 7, 2020
 
-Schizophrenia and schizoaffective disorder might be more effective diagnoses if they were renamed.  https://academic.oup.com/schizophreniabulletin/article/40/2/255/1944451  The disorder was renamed in Japan and Korea and actually has improved treatment outcomes for patients.  
+Dear Friends,
 
-An early effect of renaming the disorder and of the introduction of the new concept was an increase of the percentage of people who were informed about their diagnosis (from 36.7% in 2002 to 69.7% in 2004: n = 1944). Moreover, 86% of psychiatrists of the 136 psychiatrists working in the Miyagi prefecture found that the new term makes it easier to inform patients and family about the diagnosis, which in turn facilitated education about the illness and psychosocial interventions.4
+	By some criteria, only one in seven people recover from schizophrenia.  I have a sister diagnosis, schizo-affective disorder with the same root word schizo that means “split mind”.  Being told you have schizo-affective disorder or schizophrenia can seem a diagnosis worse than cancer.  But there is hope for people with these mental illnesses.  I don’t think that the schizo- diagnosises are good words for the illnesses we suffer.  Fortunately, Japan, the first country to rename schizophrenia, has acted as an experiment which proved the name is weighing down those effected by the illness. An early effect of renaming the disorder and of the introduction of the new concept was an increase of the percentage of people who were informed about their diagnosis (from 36.7% in 2002 to 69.7% in 2004: n = 1944). Being informed about diagnosis is paramount to treatment outcomes.  So I would like to suggest that Westerners follow in the footprints of Japan (and now Korea) and rename schizophenias.  My suggested new name for these illnesses is to use the same term Japan used “integration disorders” because that name so improved Japanese outcomes.  I would like to get this name changed and would like to do it officially, so anyone who has suggestions about how to go about that, please write me and let me know.  
 
-Some of my readers might know I struggled with the diagnosis schizoaffective for a long time.  Lately I have been viewing it as a term for the doctors to use to come up with ways to help me, and not for me to worry over.  For other people who have trouble drawing that conclusion, I think it would be useful if the terms were changed.  
+Kindly,
+Maggie Hess
 
+sources sited:  https://academic.oup.com/schizophreniabulletin/article/40/2/255/1944451
+https://theconversation.com/the-concept-of-schizophrenia-is-coming-to-an-end-heres-why-82775 
 
 December 6, 2020
 

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index e0b6184..9ac6731 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -20,6 +20,16 @@
 <iframe style="width:120px;height:240px;" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" src="//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?ServiceVersion=20070822&OneJS=1&Operation=GetAdHtml&MarketPlace=US&source=ac&ref=tf_til&ad_type=product_link&tracking_id=author0d7-20&marketplace=amazon&region=US&placement=B07QQTTXP4&asins=B07QQTTXP4&linkId=08d7982313571271579ba819ed9d1b1e&show_border=false&link_opens_in_new_window=false&price_color=333333&title_color=0066c0&bg_color=ffffff">
     </iframe>
 
+
+December 7, 2020
+
+Schizophrenia and schizoaffective disorder might be more effective diagnoses if they were renamed.  https://academic.oup.com/schizophreniabulletin/article/40/2/255/1944451  The disorder was renamed in Japan and Korea and actually has improved treatment outcomes for patients.  
+
+An early effect of renaming the disorder and of the introduction of the new concept was an increase of the percentage of people who were informed about their diagnosis (from 36.7% in 2002 to 69.7% in 2004: n = 1944). Moreover, 86% of psychiatrists of the 136 psychiatrists working in the Miyagi prefecture found that the new term makes it easier to inform patients and family about the diagnosis, which in turn facilitated education about the illness and psychosocial interventions.4
+
+Some of my readers might know I struggled with the diagnosis schizoaffective for a long time.  Lately I have been viewing it as a term for the doctors to use to come up with ways to help me, and not for me to worry over.  For other people who have trouble drawing that conclusion, I think it would be useful if the terms were changed.  
+
+
 December 6, 2020
 
 [[!img 20201126_121020.jpg align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index 7295732..e0b6184 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -24,6 +24,8 @@ December 6, 2020
 
 [[!img 20201126_121020.jpg align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]
 
+I am hoping to walk more each day for the main purpose of mood lift and poetry generation.  It's looking like I need to walk one more time than feels comfortable each day.  I walked 2 dog walks today, and clearly would have been better if I did 3.  Often I just do 1, but could do 2.  
+
 
 December 5 and a half, 2020
 

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index b1a1fda..7295732 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -20,6 +20,10 @@
 <iframe style="width:120px;height:240px;" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" src="//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?ServiceVersion=20070822&OneJS=1&Operation=GetAdHtml&MarketPlace=US&source=ac&ref=tf_til&ad_type=product_link&tracking_id=author0d7-20&marketplace=amazon&region=US&placement=B07QQTTXP4&asins=B07QQTTXP4&linkId=08d7982313571271579ba819ed9d1b1e&show_border=false&link_opens_in_new_window=false&price_color=333333&title_color=0066c0&bg_color=ffffff">
     </iframe>
 
+December 6, 2020
+
+[[!img 20201126_121020.jpg align="right" size="400x" alt=""]]
+
 
 December 5 and a half, 2020
 
@@ -1327,3 +1331,6 @@ At least I am healthy and safe.  At least I can sit on my porch and be 6 feet fr
 
 
 
+
+
+

attachment upload
diff --git a/20201126_121020.jpg b/20201126_121020.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..24802d4
Binary files /dev/null and b/20201126_121020.jpg differ

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index 6f35e50..b1a1fda 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -21,9 +21,20 @@
     </iframe>
 
 
-December 6, 2020
+December 5 and a half, 2020
+
+An old college friend called and left an important voicemail for me. She said it is important to shift our perspectives and the story that they tell especially when there are details that we are forced to fill in ourselves and what comes up as a result of that.  I am thinking it over and figuring out what it means for me.
+
+Walking always stirs my mind, so immediately upon hearing Kaleigh’s message, I brought my dog to a favorite place to walk.  The soccer field is becoming a wetlands, and one lone robin stood out to me, wading along and pulling up worms and reminding me something of myself.  
+
+I think K hit right into something that could prompt me into a better direction.  I hadn’t been feeling bad at all but I had been pushing down thoughts that seem negative the way I have been imagining them.  My thoughts have been negative emotions towards my family, because since I live with my mother, the family I grew up in is constantly being considered, whether because my siblings call my Mom or she talks about family a lot.  The truth is I don’t hate my family, but what is the truth?  
+I have a song that comes up a lot for me.  It isn’t exactly a worthy pop song, and I never have known why it floats around.  I guess I have a lot in common with that robin.  But it floated up again.  “You unravel my heart until I travel away.”  It’s just that line over and over and I never have known its purpose.  But as it turns out it is exactly how I have been feeling about family.  
+
+Family unravels my heart until I find myself not being forced to consider them.  Sometimes that is because I have traveled away.  Other times it is because I have been able to find new people to be around.  In a perfect world, I would find enough new friends that I didn’t have to worry about family and the way I feel unraveled and oppressed by it.  
+I feel I want more in my life than the family I was born into, that I so deeply crave new people to relate to, and that family gets really old in my heart when I have to consider them too much.  I love my family members but they get very old for me.  I feel unraveled by them, and distance makes the heart fonder.  But I don’t feel distance from the family members my Mom talks about and to every day, so while living under her roof, I don’t feel the space I need to feel warmer towards them.  
+
+I am excited to apply Kaleigh’s thoughts into all other areas of my life, beyond what immediately came to mind and I look forward to writing more down.  
 
-An old college friend called and left an important voicemail for me.  She said it is important to shift our perspectives and the story that they tell in order to provide improved space.  I am thinking it over and figuring out what it means for me.
 
 
 December 5, 2020

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index d407e9d..6f35e50 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -20,6 +20,12 @@
 <iframe style="width:120px;height:240px;" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" src="//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?ServiceVersion=20070822&OneJS=1&Operation=GetAdHtml&MarketPlace=US&source=ac&ref=tf_til&ad_type=product_link&tracking_id=author0d7-20&marketplace=amazon&region=US&placement=B07QQTTXP4&asins=B07QQTTXP4&linkId=08d7982313571271579ba819ed9d1b1e&show_border=false&link_opens_in_new_window=false&price_color=333333&title_color=0066c0&bg_color=ffffff">
     </iframe>
 
+
+December 6, 2020
+
+An old college friend called and left an important voicemail for me.  She said it is important to shift our perspectives and the story that they tell in order to provide improved space.  I am thinking it over and figuring out what it means for me.
+
+
 December 5, 2020
 
 These might be the worst days

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index 0a7cec1..d407e9d 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -20,6 +20,52 @@
 <iframe style="width:120px;height:240px;" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" src="//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?ServiceVersion=20070822&OneJS=1&Operation=GetAdHtml&MarketPlace=US&source=ac&ref=tf_til&ad_type=product_link&tracking_id=author0d7-20&marketplace=amazon&region=US&placement=B07QQTTXP4&asins=B07QQTTXP4&linkId=08d7982313571271579ba819ed9d1b1e&show_border=false&link_opens_in_new_window=false&price_color=333333&title_color=0066c0&bg_color=ffffff">
     </iframe>
 
+December 5, 2020
+
+These might be the worst days
+
+but they're not the worst hours.
+
+I imagine how it could feel dying alone
+
+having my cold body carted in to a refrigerator truck
+
+footsteps walking away
+
+as my existence realizes it's never more.  
+
+That's not the worst hour either though.  
+
+The darkest moment always comes
+
+when the game of nuclear cards
+
+has its grand finally.  
+
+Nuclear always wins.
+
+Cold winter doesn't stand a chance.  
+
+Climate change, gradual, constant,
+
+climate change with drastic points.
+
+Maybe we all forget climate change
+
+long enough to heal
+
+and in the end 
+
+it's the rich man's plight
+
+that knocks us all down.
+
+Who knows ultimatley which is worse,
+
+panemic, climate change, nuclear war?
+
+
+
 December 4, 2020
 
 I hate the pandemic.  

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index 465a8b0..0a7cec1 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -20,13 +20,39 @@
 <iframe style="width:120px;height:240px;" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" src="//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?ServiceVersion=20070822&OneJS=1&Operation=GetAdHtml&MarketPlace=US&source=ac&ref=tf_til&ad_type=product_link&tracking_id=author0d7-20&marketplace=amazon&region=US&placement=B07QQTTXP4&asins=B07QQTTXP4&linkId=08d7982313571271579ba819ed9d1b1e&show_border=false&link_opens_in_new_window=false&price_color=333333&title_color=0066c0&bg_color=ffffff">
     </iframe>
 
+December 4, 2020
 
+I hate the pandemic.  
 
-December 3, 2020
+Social isolation is really hard on too many people.
 
-I started watching "Are you the One" on netflix.  Bad idea, first of all.  Second of all, how stupid are people?  Maybe this is a social experiment to prove Americans are too stupid for math!  It's crazy stupid how stupid people can be.  lol
- 
---
+Wonderful people are dying alone.
+
+I myself feel lonesome, and like my concerns are not important in the scale of things.  
+
+Maybe they aren't.  
+
+Maybe they are.
+
+It is so sucky to measure one person's suffering over another.
+
+Waiting for the vaccine is going to be terrible.
+
+I feel bad for the normal adults who have to wait longer than any other group of people.  
+
+This pandemic might really cripple our whole population.
+
+I worry about countries that might not receive enough vaccine at all
+
+and people who don't believe in vaccine who are going to ruin things for all of us.  
+
+I don't know if I can sustain any more loss.
+
+It would be so horrible to lose someone again.  
+
+
+
+December 3, 2020
 
 What other mysteries lie on the other side of a dog walk?
 

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index 8cecb67..465a8b0 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -24,6 +24,10 @@
 
 December 3, 2020
 
+I started watching "Are you the One" on netflix.  Bad idea, first of all.  Second of all, how stupid are people?  Maybe this is a social experiment to prove Americans are too stupid for math!  It's crazy stupid how stupid people can be.  lol
+ 
+--
+
 What other mysteries lie on the other side of a dog walk?
 
 [[!img moon_accipiter_near.JPG align="right" size="500x" alt=""]]

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index 28756e8..8cecb67 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -24,6 +24,7 @@
 
 December 3, 2020
 
+What other mysteries lie on the other side of a dog walk?
 
 [[!img moon_accipiter_near.JPG align="right" size="500x" alt=""]]
 

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index d974790..28756e8 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -24,6 +24,9 @@
 
 December 3, 2020
 
+
+[[!img moon_accipiter_near.JPG align="right" size="500x" alt=""]]
+
 Still dark.  Residual snow un-melted.  Dog snoring out "peace".  Yet I have more oomph this time of day.  I am my best just after my shower and first cup of coffee at 6AM.  
 
 Yesterday I saw a video of a nurse who seemed worn out from working in the covid unit.  She said she brought 2 in to the morgue just to fill their beds with 2 more patients that were equally as sick.  It's so sad to think of all the death and all the people dying alone.  I've generally been avoiding contact with people, and there is a point to which I am letting myself be oblivious to the great suffering going on around us.  I know that so many people are miserable right now but I try not to be weighed down by grief.  I have a right to find silver linings amidst a pandemic.  I shouldn't feel I have to be sad just because the world is.  But sometimes it feels unreal to go long without tears.  Sometimes I wonder where my tears are for the people who have died alone.  I have not cried for them yet, and maybe soon I will be able to.  Dying alone is horrible and when I consider that many of the people who pass away are seniors, I do start to remember where I put my water works, because it is such an injustice for grandmothers and grandfathers and old nuns and monks and former nuns and monks and general elders to die alone.  I think about an old woman I know.  She's giddy sometimes, unassuming, suffering often from anxiety, dealing with more worry than usual, so she had to start taking medication recently for mental health.  She lives by herself, with a cat.  She is very popular.  She has a lot of friends, but too much of her life it seems she doesn't have her friends by her side.  It seems when all of her very social distancing conscious friends learned of covid 19, they went back to their homes, and quit visiting with her as much.  Some church made her a thanksgiving diner and she sounded happy enough, but I wonder if we are letting her too much rely on a church when we could have been a better family of friends to her.  
@@ -1228,3 +1231,5 @@ At least I am healthy and safe.  At least I can sit on my porch and be 6 feet fr
 
 
 
+
+

attachment upload
diff --git a/moon_accipiter_near.JPG b/moon_accipiter_near.JPG
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..9b95534
Binary files /dev/null and b/moon_accipiter_near.JPG differ

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
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--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -21,6 +21,18 @@
     </iframe>
 
 
+
+December 3, 2020
+
+Still dark.  Residual snow un-melted.  Dog snoring out "peace".  Yet I have more oomph this time of day.  I am my best just after my shower and first cup of coffee at 6AM.  
+
+Yesterday I saw a video of a nurse who seemed worn out from working in the covid unit.  She said she brought 2 in to the morgue just to fill their beds with 2 more patients that were equally as sick.  It's so sad to think of all the death and all the people dying alone.  I've generally been avoiding contact with people, and there is a point to which I am letting myself be oblivious to the great suffering going on around us.  I know that so many people are miserable right now but I try not to be weighed down by grief.  I have a right to find silver linings amidst a pandemic.  I shouldn't feel I have to be sad just because the world is.  But sometimes it feels unreal to go long without tears.  Sometimes I wonder where my tears are for the people who have died alone.  I have not cried for them yet, and maybe soon I will be able to.  Dying alone is horrible and when I consider that many of the people who pass away are seniors, I do start to remember where I put my water works, because it is such an injustice for grandmothers and grandfathers and old nuns and monks and former nuns and monks and general elders to die alone.  I think about an old woman I know.  She's giddy sometimes, unassuming, suffering often from anxiety, dealing with more worry than usual, so she had to start taking medication recently for mental health.  She lives by herself, with a cat.  She is very popular.  She has a lot of friends, but too much of her life it seems she doesn't have her friends by her side.  It seems when all of her very social distancing conscious friends learned of covid 19, they went back to their homes, and quit visiting with her as much.  Some church made her a thanksgiving diner and she sounded happy enough, but I wonder if we are letting her too much rely on a church when we could have been a better family of friends to her.  
+
+I care about my elders.  Another grandmother I know alone in her house so much, reading books so as not to watch the news.  When you get to be 85 years old, you deserve.  You deserve attention if that is what you like.  She usually asks me why I don't bring her more men to talk to.  She is hilarious and one of my favorite people on this Earth.  I don't want anyone else I know to get sick.  And loneliness is also something I wish they could avoid.  And I miss them.  I miss being able to share the food they let me share with them.  I still share some, but it's a lot less because of social distancing.  And the thought that all of the covid patients are alone, makes me want to volunteer in a hospital when I get my vaccine.  At least there are nurses present for these people.  I hope that nurse from the video stays strong for her patients.  They need her so much.  
+ 
+
+
+
 December 2, 2020
 
 2 o clock pm

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index 35051a5..c83c699 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -21,6 +21,42 @@
     </iframe>
 
 
+December 2, 2020
+
+2 o clock pm
+
+Sleepy but not sleeping
+
+The sound of deeper breathing
+
+From a dog, 
+
+My mother on a different bed
+
+Mummed.
+
+When I woke at 6 this morning
+
+I tried for two and a half hours
+
+To not use technology.
+
+And then at 8:30 
+
+I ravenously checked email
+
+And so forth
+
+Trying not to watch too many videos now
+
+Because I am sleepy
+
+But since I am not sleeping
+
+I might just create something worthwhile.  
+
+
+
 December, 1, 2020
 
 I skipped yesterday!  I was sucked into watching America's Top Model.  lol  It is surprisingly good.  Very absorbing, and the hostess, Tyra Banks, is compassionate and has a unique set of words she uses to describe things.  If you booch, you are posing with your body, and if you tooch you pose with your face.  I think.  I might have spelled that wrong.  Nevertheless it is imperative you know these things if you want to be a model.  I never do, but only because I would fail.  I never know how to look good in a photo, and so have to rely upon chance.

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index 1c07790..35051a5 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -20,6 +20,18 @@
 <iframe style="width:120px;height:240px;" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" src="//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?ServiceVersion=20070822&OneJS=1&Operation=GetAdHtml&MarketPlace=US&source=ac&ref=tf_til&ad_type=product_link&tracking_id=author0d7-20&marketplace=amazon&region=US&placement=B07QQTTXP4&asins=B07QQTTXP4&linkId=08d7982313571271579ba819ed9d1b1e&show_border=false&link_opens_in_new_window=false&price_color=333333&title_color=0066c0&bg_color=ffffff">
     </iframe>
 
+
+December, 1, 2020
+
+I skipped yesterday!  I was sucked into watching America's Top Model.  lol  It is surprisingly good.  Very absorbing, and the hostess, Tyra Banks, is compassionate and has a unique set of words she uses to describe things.  If you booch, you are posing with your body, and if you tooch you pose with your face.  I think.  I might have spelled that wrong.  Nevertheless it is imperative you know these things if you want to be a model.  I never do, but only because I would fail.  I never know how to look good in a photo, and so have to rely upon chance.
+
+This AM I was almost going to quit computer and electronics for a long sabbatical but it only lasted 3 hours.  Be on the lookout for an upcoming break from gadgets.  
+
+I applied for a program.  I don't think I am yet going to say which.  If you are particularly tuned in you might know from the following statistic.  8 poets are accepted out of about 700 applicants each year.  So considering my chances, I don't want to get anyone's hopes up.  
+
+I made cookies with maple syrup and coconut.  They stuck to the pan even though I greased it.  I made a lamb, kale, egg scramble that was pretty good.  I think the best thing I enjoyed today was a cup of black tea with maple syrup and evaporated milk.   Who's interested?  :)
+
+
 November 29, 2020
 
 

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index 6ed9554..1c07790 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -22,6 +22,26 @@
 
 November 29, 2020
 
+
+Brene Brown says People with Boundaries are More Compassionate
+
+Ask for what you need, and that if what you need places a boundary on someone else, that is a better approach than hedging and hawing about the problem or pretending there is no problem.  In the long run it is more compassionate to have boundaries and more likely to reduce suffering.  
+
+One of my neighbors is a child named C who is very outgoing with everyone.   I have watched his development from my porch.  His family always goes everywhere on bikes.  His step dad drives a big truck for work, but the Mom and the 3 boys have always been very versatile with their bikes, doing everything with their bikes.  They pick up groceries with bikes down at the Dollar Store.  
+
+So now all 3 of the boys are in high school and C, the youngest brother, is in 9th grade.  But maybe when he was in 5th grade, I told C that people with boundaries are more compassionate.  He is such a friendly kid.  He was starting to tell me he felt spread thin back then possibly because he never seems to meet a stranger, and always is the first one to reach out.  I love talking to him a lot.  And when I told him about boundaries, he admitted it was something he was working on.  “Me too.”  I confided in him.  
+
+I think about the pandemic and the way it has changed how I relate with people.  I don’t go in anywhere anymore at all, so that in itself means that I see a whole lot fewer people.  Sometimes I feel I am reveling in alone time.  Other times I think about different friends and aquaintances I miss and I feel sad that I cannot see them sooner.  
+
+When this pandemic ends, I think I am going to make a point of having different boundaries with people.  I used to stretch myself thin, a lot like how C did.  I have noticed a change in him, at different times, how he is way less reaching out to people on the street lately, and more keeping to his family and close friends.  I am proud to think I might have been an early influence to help him develop good boundaries.  
+
+Out by my walk, there is a rock I painted that says People with Boundaries are More Compassionate.  I also painted World Peace on a sign, and put little Thich Nhat Hanh poems around my home.  But the Brene Brown idea on the stone seems to just be the beginning of self transformation in a way where saying World Peace feels shallow and the buddhist poems feel less accessible.  
+
+Compassion and Empathy are some of the best things I can think of to strive towards.  Every one of us probably can improve somehow in terms of how compassionate we are.  Maybe more of us will emerge after the pandemic with improved boundaries.  I am hopeful for a better world.  
+
+
+
+
 I imagine
 
 slender Buddhist fingers

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index dfeb8ec..6ed9554 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -20,6 +20,22 @@
 <iframe style="width:120px;height:240px;" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" src="//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?ServiceVersion=20070822&OneJS=1&Operation=GetAdHtml&MarketPlace=US&source=ac&ref=tf_til&ad_type=product_link&tracking_id=author0d7-20&marketplace=amazon&region=US&placement=B07QQTTXP4&asins=B07QQTTXP4&linkId=08d7982313571271579ba819ed9d1b1e&show_border=false&link_opens_in_new_window=false&price_color=333333&title_color=0066c0&bg_color=ffffff">
     </iframe>
 
+November 29, 2020
+
+I imagine
+
+slender Buddhist fingers
+
+long Buddhist fingers
+
+short and stumpy fingers too
+
+typing in my book
+
+because I advertised on Lion's Roar.  
+
+I love Lion's Roar magazine.  I currently am reading the January issue.  Since I started ordering it, I've been reading it through, one article at a time.  My advertisement exists on page 76 across from the Buddhist directory.  I imagine some outhouse, ten years from now, using this issue for reading material.  The thought makes me smile.  I love to stay in touch!
+
 
 November 28, 2020
 

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index 839c317..dfeb8ec 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -23,6 +23,10 @@
 
 November 28, 2020
 
+Gods in other lands
+
+In Hindu mythology, they say that the world is the "drama of God".  God in Indian mythology is the "self."  What do you think about this view of God and other views of God? Personally I like to think all other ideas are valid and equally true.  To me the point that I see in that statue is that materialism is both something that humans should strive towards (taking care of things with great concern) and against (collecting and gathering all sorts of things for no apparent reason other than possibly to compare themselves with their neighbors.)  I think a buddha statue reminds me about important things.    
+
 Observations
 
 I never was the best writer.  I’m not sure who was.  Shakespeare?  An obscure gypsy?  Rumi?  Writing is a direct link to someone’s mind.  But it’s more like a painting.  You get to work on the piece and make it better than your brain at any one moment.  As you add layer after layer, as you delete the parts that don’t work, your piece improves or fails in one lump, despite the fact you might have been working on it all year.  You can also just write a single draft, but that’s not your whole intellect on display there.  It’s just one tiny segment of your abilities.  

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index 1803d2f..839c317 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -20,6 +20,25 @@
 <iframe style="width:120px;height:240px;" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" src="//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?ServiceVersion=20070822&OneJS=1&Operation=GetAdHtml&MarketPlace=US&source=ac&ref=tf_til&ad_type=product_link&tracking_id=author0d7-20&marketplace=amazon&region=US&placement=B07QQTTXP4&asins=B07QQTTXP4&linkId=08d7982313571271579ba819ed9d1b1e&show_border=false&link_opens_in_new_window=false&price_color=333333&title_color=0066c0&bg_color=ffffff">
     </iframe>
 
+
+November 28, 2020
+
+Observations
+
+I never was the best writer.  I’m not sure who was.  Shakespeare?  An obscure gypsy?  Rumi?  Writing is a direct link to someone’s mind.  But it’s more like a painting.  You get to work on the piece and make it better than your brain at any one moment.  As you add layer after layer, as you delete the parts that don’t work, your piece improves or fails in one lump, despite the fact you might have been working on it all year.  You can also just write a single draft, but that’s not your whole intellect on display there.  It’s just one tiny segment of your abilities.  
+
+Go back to me not being the best.  I said that for a reason.  When I was in high school, I dreamed I could be a great writer.  But more importantly I just wanted to write, and I knew it was wonderful in groups because I took an incredible Creative Writing class in which we even put out a publication.  So I knew I wanted to do Writing, but it was something none of my peers said they wanted to do as much as me.  They loved the Creative Writing class as much as I did.  Maybe they had secret dreams to be writers, probably even.  No one talked much about ‘what they wanted to be when they grew up’.  And I took classes with high achievers.  All of my peers were the top students.  All of my classes my last year were as high level as possible.  Most were AP.  
+
+In college, I had a Poetry class my second year with a wonderful teacher.  She told me something that changed me forever that actually I think I took as bad advice.  She said I needed to really believe in my writing.  Basically that is all she said was I really had to change my belief in my writing.  Before she said that I guess I approached my writing with insecurity.  This really entitled me to draw in my ego.  And looking back I am not sure if I should have.  She said I should say things like I am a great poet if I wanted to be a poet.  But I don’t think I am a great poet.  I just work long and hard at it.  
+
+The longer and harder I work at my poetry the better it will be.  So I am not the best writer.  I also am not the writer that tries the very hardest.  But I do try hard in my writing, and I have learned a lot about how to write.  Still I have a lot more to learn.  
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
 November 27, 2020
 
 I just want to grow my hair so long

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index ace9468..1803d2f 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -23,8 +23,11 @@
 November 27, 2020
 
 I just want to grow my hair so long
+
 But just on the left
+
 I want to cut it short
+
 Oh baby just on the right
 
 You might say, envision your future.  It’s a New Year.  To some, Thanksgiving marks a new calendar.  

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index f093154..ace9468 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -20,6 +20,24 @@
 <iframe style="width:120px;height:240px;" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" src="//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?ServiceVersion=20070822&OneJS=1&Operation=GetAdHtml&MarketPlace=US&source=ac&ref=tf_til&ad_type=product_link&tracking_id=author0d7-20&marketplace=amazon&region=US&placement=B07QQTTXP4&asins=B07QQTTXP4&linkId=08d7982313571271579ba819ed9d1b1e&show_border=false&link_opens_in_new_window=false&price_color=333333&title_color=0066c0&bg_color=ffffff">
     </iframe>
 
+November 27, 2020
+
+I just want to grow my hair so long
+But just on the left
+I want to cut it short
+Oh baby just on the right
+
+You might say, envision your future.  It’s a New Year.  To some, Thanksgiving marks a new calendar.  
+
+I have been imagining different futures.  One is that I live in a Quaker commune I picked out.  But I don’t think I want to move far away.  In another option I live in a van and explore.  Hashtag van life.  
+
+I got a post card from social security administration that says I can get a free 5,000 extra dollars each year with a thing called extra help.  I am not sure what’s the catch.  But that is a huge amount of money for me, so I am wondering if it could be true.  
+
+I have been exploring ego and considering and wondering if I am actually not a good writer.  I have put too much of my ego into writing and the potential it might have for me.  I am just someone who writes.  I need to gut it.  I need to gut the writer I am to get to the bone structure of the truth of my writing, to have better writing, to be more honest.  
+
+I can’t envision my future, but I did go into the bathroom and snip all of my hair short on one side.  Meanwhile, with covid lurking around the corner I mustered up the strength to grow the other side longer than I have for a long time.  Maybe I can get the perfect hair style just where I am.  If I can do that, nothing else really matters!  
+
+
 
 November 26, 2020
 

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 November 26, 2020
 
+
+[[!img DSCF6123.JPG align="right" size="450x" alt=""]]
+
 No one else is up, and I am thinking of an article I read yesterday, The Buddha's Journey, in my Lion's Roar magazine.  I wanted to read this article to answer a preliminary question that had surfaced about the Buddha, was he really different (translation, was he really forever enlightened?)
 
 Then I kind of started wondering something else, when I read this sentence:  "The Buddha’s inner explorations had revealed suffering to be caused by three toxic emotional traits buried deep in the human psyche."
@@ -1083,3 +1086,5 @@ At least I am healthy and safe.  At least I can sit on my porch and be 6 feet fr
 
 
 
+
+

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     </iframe>
 
 
+November 26, 2020
+
+No one else is up, and I am thinking of an article I read yesterday, The Buddha's Journey, in my Lion's Roar magazine.  I wanted to read this article to answer a preliminary question that had surfaced about the Buddha, was he really different (translation, was he really forever enlightened?)
+
+Then I kind of started wondering something else, when I read this sentence:  "The Buddha’s inner explorations had revealed suffering to be caused by three toxic emotional traits buried deep in the human psyche."
+
+and "When greed, hatred, or delusion are present, blazing like fires that scorch the mind and body, suffering is born; when these are absent, suffering goes to rest."
+
+Some reason my mental illness is supposed to have delusions as part of it.  So reading about delusions as such a contributor to suffering made me wonder how I could have fewer delusions.  
+
+There are extreme delusions that I currently am free of, like thinking that I am Jesus or something, you know real crazy thoughts.  But then I think the word delusion used in the previous sentences must have a more common, ordinary application.  I think the Lion's Roar author is saying delusions cause suffering including delusions we all have, like letting someone's ego be too big, as a simple example.  
+
+I don't know entirely where I am going with this.  
+
+I wanted to read about the Buddha because I read Sidhartha a long time ago, but felt recently I could get more from an article on the Buddha because my reading of the book in high school might have missed major points about his life.  I do think freedom from suffering is the main point of Buddhism.  Right?  I mean compassion, and release from suffering?  Is that true?  
+
+
+
+
 November 25, 2020
 
 Joey came for Thanksgiving so I have been busy with him and wonderful food preparations and pie samplings.  We had quarantined before hand so I think we should be great!

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
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+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -20,11 +20,21 @@
 <iframe style="width:120px;height:240px;" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" src="//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?ServiceVersion=20070822&OneJS=1&Operation=GetAdHtml&MarketPlace=US&source=ac&ref=tf_til&ad_type=product_link&tracking_id=author0d7-20&marketplace=amazon&region=US&placement=B07QQTTXP4&asins=B07QQTTXP4&linkId=08d7982313571271579ba819ed9d1b1e&show_border=false&link_opens_in_new_window=false&price_color=333333&title_color=0066c0&bg_color=ffffff">
     </iframe>
 
+
+November 25, 2020
+
+Joey came for Thanksgiving so I have been busy with him and wonderful food preparations and pie samplings.  We had quarantined before hand so I think we should be great!
+
+
+
+
 November 24, 2020
 
 Use this link to access my online class for free!  https://skl.sh/3nTTGtm
 
 
+
+
 November 23, 2020
 
 I am very thrilled to be creating a course on skillshare in "Wabi Sabi Poetry"!!

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
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+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -20,6 +20,10 @@
 <iframe style="width:120px;height:240px;" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" src="//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?ServiceVersion=20070822&OneJS=1&Operation=GetAdHtml&MarketPlace=US&source=ac&ref=tf_til&ad_type=product_link&tracking_id=author0d7-20&marketplace=amazon&region=US&placement=B07QQTTXP4&asins=B07QQTTXP4&linkId=08d7982313571271579ba819ed9d1b1e&show_border=false&link_opens_in_new_window=false&price_color=333333&title_color=0066c0&bg_color=ffffff">
     </iframe>
 
+November 24, 2020
+
+Use this link to access my online class for free!  https://skl.sh/3nTTGtm
+
 
 November 23, 2020
 

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
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--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -21,6 +21,10 @@
     </iframe>
 
 
+November 23, 2020
+
+I am very thrilled to be creating a course on skillshare in "Wabi Sabi Poetry"!!
+
 November 22, 2020
 
 I woke with a good song in my head, so I rose up joyfully instead of sluggish.  I'm excited about seeing my brother for Thanksgiving and eating food with my mother so I'm not letting world events that require quarantining get me down!  Life is good!  God is great!  There is something to celebrate!  It is 6:27 in the morning and I feel new!!

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
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--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -21,6 +21,11 @@
     </iframe>
 
 
+November 22, 2020
+
+I woke with a good song in my head, so I rose up joyfully instead of sluggish.  I'm excited about seeing my brother for Thanksgiving and eating food with my mother so I'm not letting world events that require quarantining get me down!  Life is good!  God is great!  There is something to celebrate!  It is 6:27 in the morning and I feel new!!
+
+
 November 21, 2020
 
 Message: Dear Jon Watts, I just typed "Devout Quaker" into my youtube search engine but I didn't quite get what I wanted. Yesterday I watched all 6 episodes of the Netflix Docuseries "Voices of Fire" about a gospel choir. Something happened to me while I heard one particular singer belt the word "need". I realized the mainstream Christian language about God and Christ that always used to rub me wrong, is something I actually can relate to since I feel the need for Christ's Love is also the need for any emotional answer. I have a mental health disability, so I have experienced my share of emotion, and I still have wild feelings. Realizing that my Emotional Needs are the same thing as any Christian Praising or Begging God for Mercy, made me feel connected, part of something bigger, part of humanity, part of Life, part of the Light. I used to follow around a man named Jason who was then a new friend. He was so very devout, and I wanted to know what was his access point to God. Jason channels a Strange Power. I texted him last night with an unusual newfound exuberant use of the Christian language as my own. "Everyone has emotions and that is our stethoscope to God's heart." 

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
index 6e895de..377c09b 100644
--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -25,7 +25,13 @@ November 21, 2020
 
 Message: Dear Jon Watts, I just typed "Devout Quaker" into my youtube search engine but I didn't quite get what I wanted. Yesterday I watched all 6 episodes of the Netflix Docuseries "Voices of Fire" about a gospel choir. Something happened to me while I heard one particular singer belt the word "need". I realized the mainstream Christian language about God and Christ that always used to rub me wrong, is something I actually can relate to since I feel the need for Christ's Love is also the need for any emotional answer. I have a mental health disability, so I have experienced my share of emotion, and I still have wild feelings. Realizing that my Emotional Needs are the same thing as any Christian Praising or Begging God for Mercy, made me feel connected, part of something bigger, part of humanity, part of Life, part of the Light. I used to follow around a man named Jason who was then a new friend. He was so very devout, and I wanted to know what was his access point to God. Jason channels a Strange Power. I texted him last night with an unusual newfound exuberant use of the Christian language as my own. "Everyone has emotions and that is our stethoscope to God's heart." 
 
-Nevertheless, I will explain a bit later.  :)
+Anyway, I am writing you because I know you are a Quaker, and I was raised among Friends, and my father was the director of the William Penn House long ago, and I felt a real spiritual connection for the first time in Monteverde Friends Meeting. But I do not feel it now with Quakers. But I want to. So I guess I am writing to ask you what you are doing to feel the Spirit, or would you Zoom with me or Jitsi (which is an alternative method of video gathering.) This is an impulsive Question but I ask it with the purest intent. 
+
+Kindly,
+Maggie Hess
+
+Of course, I will go on and ask other Quakers, I just really wondered what you've been doing?
+
 
 November 20, 2020
 

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+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -23,7 +23,7 @@
 
 November 21, 2020
 
-I turned a sharp turn away from Christianity so many times, because I feared the harm it can do.  Lately I have been listening to gospel music and wanting to go to church when I can.   I don't need my family to understand my turn towards Jesus anymore.  Most of my friends may think I'm weird to go this way.  But the Love that I feel is of God, and I will not be afraid.  As my African Great Grandmother reminds me, God is a Miracle worker.  We don't need to ask why just to take His gift!
+Message: Dear Jon Watts, I just typed "Devout Quaker" into my youtube search engine but I didn't quite get what I wanted. Yesterday I watched all 6 episodes of the Netflix Docuseries "Voices of Fire" about a gospel choir. Something happened to me while I heard one particular singer belt the word "need". I realized the mainstream Christian language about God and Christ that always used to rub me wrong, is something I actually can relate to since I feel the need for Christ's Love is also the need for any emotional answer. I have a mental health disability, so I have experienced my share of emotion, and I still have wild feelings. Realizing that my Emotional Needs are the same thing as any Christian Praising or Begging God for Mercy, made me feel connected, part of something bigger, part of humanity, part of Life, part of the Light. I used to follow around a man named Jason who was then a new friend. He was so very devout, and I wanted to know what was his access point to God. Jason channels a Strange Power. I texted him last night with an unusual newfound exuberant use of the Christian language as my own. "Everyone has emotions and that is our stethoscope to God's heart." 
 
 Nevertheless, I will explain a bit later.  :)
 

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
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+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -21,6 +21,12 @@
     </iframe>
 
 
+November 21, 2020
+
+I turned a sharp turn away from Christianity so many times, because I feared the harm it can do.  Lately I have been listening to gospel music and wanting to go to church when I can.   I don't need my family to understand my turn towards Jesus anymore.  Most of my friends may think I'm weird to go this way.  But the Love that I feel is of God, and I will not be afraid.  As my African Great Grandmother reminds me, God is a Miracle worker.  We don't need to ask why just to take His gift!
+
+Nevertheless, I will explain a bit later.  :)
+
 November 20, 2020
 
 When this pandemic ends, or more specifically as soon as a vaccine is ready in my system, I want to go back to the pool and swim and heal my body of all this time I've been spending on the land.  I want to go to the pool every single day in the future, and I want to swim religiously every day.  Not a specific amount probably, especially at first, because I'm out of shape, but every single day.  If I had enough money to travel, I probably wouldn't.  I'd just opt for the pool in my home town.  There is nothing I can think of that I would rather be doing than swimming laps at the YMCA, feeling my joints and muscles strengthen, in that wonderful way it feels, immersed in water.  

diff --git a/index.mdwn b/index.mdwn
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--- a/index.mdwn
+++ b/index.mdwn
@@ -26,6 +26,23 @@ November 20, 2020
 When this pandemic ends, or more specifically as soon as a vaccine is ready in my system, I want to go back to the pool and swim and heal my body of all this time I've been spending on the land.  I want to go to the pool every single day in the future, and I want to swim religiously every day.  Not a specific amount probably, especially at first, because I'm out of shape, but every single day.  If I had enough money to travel, I probably wouldn't.  I'd just opt for the pool in my home town.  There is nothing I can think of that I would rather be doing than swimming laps at the YMCA, feeling my joints and muscles strengthen, in that wonderful way it feels, immersed in water.  
 
 
+Jittery, nearer to excitement.
+
+Chilly evening air.
+
+Just to sit up a couple hours
+
+with a little longer hair.
+
+Some see uneventful,
+
+I see silver linings everywhere.
+
+I’ve got my second wind now,
+
+writing poetry about the things I care.  
+
+
 November 19, 2020
 
 I had a lingering mild headache all yesterday that was worse if I moved much.  Now that is over, all I want to do is move.  I think I have been a little depressed and movement is usually the best thing I can do for that.  So I hope to get an aerobic workout in addition to a couple good dog walks today.  Fingers crossed!