I guess it was a former student of mine, a friend named Ashley who I recently asked a question of why she friended me back on facebook. I frankly asked her that because I had forgotten who she was, but her response was she liked my art now... Well, she said it better. But it made me wonder about my artist identity that has changed through my lifetime.

The question came to me what is an artist? I began wondering how I as someone who paints a lot or draws changes me and transforms me. Form fitting function, what is happening to me when I try on these paint spattered shoes?

What comes to mind is a discussion I once had with an artist, Tessa, who told me she used to have cruddy art supplies, but then she started taking care of things and how that changed for her.

I am going through something similar with my art supplies and all things art.

For example, I rephotographed this picture of my art, with dried paint. It is so much better this way. Amazing what a little care can do.

One thing about that is my life has been this constant transformation, and in matters of change, I am feeling hesitant in terms of what I can control, yet it seems art is thrusting itself into me, and I cannot control that at all, so I must embrace it.

When I climbed Quaker Mountain (Monteverde) to ask Lucky Guindon the meaning of life, she said "yes, fate is real, but it is a choice."

My art has never been finished or very polished. Maybe I am noticing that it could use a second layer of paint more than I ever did before.

What I haven't said is this is my whole person. I am defending my argument more than I ever used to, though I meditate and and am not sacrificing everything for trying to be right. Something is changing though.

Once there was a Quaker bookstore worker in Berea, I think. He had a young girl on the back of his bike after school a lot and ultimately died of cancer. I think I am getting some of those details confused. Maybe I just met him in a bookstore. Maybe he was Mr Robie himself. But I had a very deep conversation with him about transience as the true nature of all people. I think that is not said enough to be honest.

Maybe that is a big part of why I love the story of impermanence that Hojoki tells. I am not worried about my personality change. It really seems to be a step in the right direction.

Art was always this thing I left for someone else. Now, I guess, I am that person.