I was in a flunk most of yesterday. I took a mental health day in what I was doing. I needed to go swimming but I was convinced it would not be the best thing because it does involve a pool of people and I just needed space. I just needed to isolate myself for a while and absorb the quiet of my room and home, with my pets who fortunately don't talk.

I wake up early, so much of the morning and early afternoon was filled with me trying to rest, trying to zone out in front of TV that just didn't work, and trying to nap which didn't work, and eat junk that didn't work. Then around 2:30, I started seeking more information on a sort of manual to kill my ego, which I did not shoot with my first intended bullet. (See previous entry.)

So I looked up TED talks on the ego, but found they didn't speak to the nature of my problem, and they seemed to ramble about problems I really don't relate to - a common kind of negative self talk. My problem seems to be that other people say things that bug me, so I began researching talks with both ego and relationship as a search term. But that was a fail too. So I went to Audible, which always seems to have something for me.

The book that came up as the highest rated with my search terms was "You are the placebo." I listened to a clip, though. I wasn't going to buy it, even with a free promo code, without listening. I was a little apprehensive of the new age title. I found myself giggling at the featured clip. I was truly unsure of whether the voice of the writer and narrator was legitimately serious. But I was allured into buying the audio book by Joe Dispenza, and I ultimately also got the second book in the pair of recorded books only on Audible.

I listened to the whole first book, laying back in my dog's comfortable chair. I became a nonbeing, floating around in space, whether my eyes were closed or when they were open. It brought me great peace, even when I was laughing out loud at the strange serious, slow nature of Dispenza's instructional voice.

Yesterday was open mic night at Bloom. So I decided I wanted to try to lead the coffee shop in guided meditation. And I did. I tried to make my voice just as unusual and commanding as Dispenza. And in the same way that I was filled with peace listening to his book, I hoped my audience DE-stressed in hearing my performance.

Then at the very end, when I was done, someone I know and admire came up to me saying it worked for him.