Me at 18 to the tune of The Office A Comedy by Maggie Hess


Friend from back home (1): It wasn’t like she was crazy or something.

Friend (2): She always was a little different but aren’t we all.

Friend (3): I just remember her being excited about moving to the city. But it was because she said she was imaging ghosts.

Friend (1): She had a really big heart, you see.

Friend (2): She was like any one of us.

Friend (3): But we all swam in the river so much after the toxic spill.

ACT I Poppy’s Hotel

Minga has been staring at Manny for a long period of time, across the staff meal table while he Manny reads the paper.

Manny: So Minga, have you explored the city much since being here.

Minga: Oh come on! You cannot fool me!

Manny: I am not trying to fool you in any way. I frankly don’t know what you mean by that. I just thought since you are in the city you might want to get out.

Minga: This city was founded hundreds of years ago. There is a map on the wall. You can’t convince me I could discover a new district.

In walks the hotel manager..

Minga: Hey Poppy.

Manny: (sitting up taller) Hey boss.

Poppy: Don’t call me boss.

Manny: Yes sir.

Poppy: Don’t call me sir.

Minga giggles.

Manny: Oh, yes Mr. Hersh.

Poppy: You know you can call me Alfredo, don’t you Manny? (exits through the door to the staff kitchen where the comanager Mr Primavero is cooking.)

Mr Primavero: You harassing the new intern?

Poppy: Me? (chuckling)

Minga: (reads the reverse side of the newspaper that Manny is holding)

Manny: So you just got back from Mexico right?

Minga: Don’t play stupid.

Manny: Really, Minga. I am trying to be your friend. I promise I think you are nothing but cool. I really had heard you were in Mexico like last week. That’s why I asked.

Minga: I was in the mental hospital.

Manny: (mouth drops and pushes up newspaper so she doesn’t see his expression) Oh sorry.

Minga: You don’t have to be all weird about it. The doctor says if I take my medicines I will stop having the visions. (But cries a little.)

Poppy: (comes quickly in) Are you upsetting my daughter?

Manny: No sir. I didn’t mean to sir.

Poppy: Don’t call me sir!

Manny: Yes, boss. (ahem) Mr. Hersh. (ahem) Alfredo.

Poppy: Did he? (to Minga)

Minga: What, Poppy?

Poppy: Nevermind bumpseedoo.

In walks Alfredo with a pile of boiled Artichokes.

Primavero: What in the world is new?

Manny: There’s an Flaming Lips concert tomorrow night.

Primavero: Good luck collecting the change for that!

Minga: I wanted to go.

Poppy: My little girl wants to go? I’ll be sure to get some tickets for us.

Minga: I will go if Manny comes.

Poppy: I thought you wanted to go?

Minga: I do. But Manny has to come too. That’s okay isn’t it Poppy?

Poppy: I don’t know. I’d have to chaperone.

Manny: ahem

Primavero: Then it’s settled. Hope you three have a wonderful time.

Manny: (gets up and leaves the room in a huff)

Poppy: (calls after Manny) You like your job, don’t you, Manny?

Manny: Yes, sir, Mr. Hersh, Alfredo, that is.

Minga: Are you hiring another intern, Poppy?

Poppy: We are, yes.

Minga: I would like to try for the job.

Primavero: That might be a conflict of interest.

Minga: What is that?

Poppy: Don’t mind him. I don’t think it should be a problem, honey. You are so much brighter than most young people, Minga.

Primavero: We are really going to have to agree on this Alfredo.

Poppy: You’re hired, Minga. You can start tomorrow morning.

Minga: But I saw that Manny is working the night shift.

Poppy: Right. And that means you will work the day shift.

Minga: But I’d never see him that way.

Primavero: You know what Minga, you are hired!