Yesterday I wrote 10 friends asking them for insights on my current question. "...I am realizing that starting and keeping a new job is a major life transition for me. I want to make sure I am equipped because starting a job just to quit it is a bummer to experience. It is really easy to talk myself out of working because I am super happy not working." The rising need for discernment came from recently hearing I am probably hired for a great sounding job where I would mentor children part time in the city where I live.

At the end of my time in Berea I was given this beautiful pot (artist Jeff Inge) which I immediately dropped. I took a photo to capture the beauty it still had, which I was desperate to commemorate. At that time Roger made the amazing offer to me to glue the pieces together, a rare custom with some Japanese word to refer to it. But I declined because that beauty in that photo meant so much to me, and in my eyes the pot was better somehow in this new form, a new art, not an attempt of catching what was inevitably impermanent.

This morning I got a response from my grown nephew with this beautiful question: "What does it mean, why is it important to find the power within to commit to an action?" My sister, the mother of the nephew who said that, also said something that hit to the heart of the matter: "Maybe having a job is overrated? What's wrong with being super happy?" Once I had read both advices, I started to formulate my own decision. I still am not done yet though because I need to factor in the realistic issue of money and financial needs that is a hard question to figure out. Do I need to make my own economic safety net like everyone else or will it all continue just falling into place like magic?

I Don't Know!! But I do know I AM BROKEN like this beautiful pot. I am disabled in a way that my working escalates my nervous issues and deteriorates my mental health. I am a work of art. But I am NOT Kintsugi, this Japanese piece of brilliance, I am Maggie Hess, poet and muse instead. What I need to do right now, I think, is to turn down yet another job, to invest more focused effort and COMMITMENT into my goal: to create a children's book of Hojoki (see blog post 1 in January.) My commitment doesn't have to start tomorrow on some job, no matter how good. It can still be to follow my dream!

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