I guess I am juggling. I have been researching a new way to earn money, and if I succeed at this method, it will be solvent enough that I won't likely want to spend time transcribing for my mentor. I love it in small doses, and maybe I would do my current transcription part time gig as a volunteer project, if I do succeed with my entrepreneurial venture. :)

Basically what I am talking about in terms of earning is "retail arbitrage" a somewhat surprisingly and simple concept that I learned about, also entirely legal, but decidedly un-purpose-driven. Except for the purpose of self empowerment, mobility, and to me that is a valid purpose for me right now.

I am hopeful it will work, and confident as I can be, but I haven't started yet, and am waiting until Feb.

(In short it really is just buying cheap clearance items and reselling them on Amazon.)

Meanwhile, the world moves on. Meanwhile, I continue to be me and to be creative sometimes and to be boring as a wall other times. And that's just life.

:)

Thinking about myself as unstuck in terms of economic situation is something that could change my life if I can make this work. So I am hoping hard!

I just have been so poor for so long, and I did quit trying to make money mostly, for the past bit - in terms of a whole income. And I was relying on disability, and I am. In fact I will continue being able to supplement my life with the modest disability income until I am earning quite a lot monthly.

So that is good.

But yes, being able to envision fiscal freedom opens something for me.

I woke up at like 4:45 with anticipation. I want to buy Mom's house someday. I want to travel more than I have. There is this floating fact that people who have lived in 5 or more international cultures are increased in their likelihood of being original minds. It always intrigued me. I know I am original, but the constraints I have been counting as my normal for too long, have reduced me. I have spent time doing things that I did not want to do. I have felt trapped in a place.

Nothing has really changed but the fact that I am now certain I can be my own manager/boss/ person and make a solvent enough living to not have to rely on other people for what I need.

By 6:15 AM I took out an Atlas and started a list of countries I would like to visit and countries I probably am ruling out. It had a maybe list too. It was fun and empowering.

I want to chose my own adventure!

I want to be able to help my Mom in terms of finances the way she always was there for me with a home too.

So I am letting myself dream. I am letting myself make a goal and a plan and hopefully to make the dream a reality.

Everybody should have the right to this feeling.

Everyone should be able to feel they are capable of pulling themselves out of a place that is not fulfilling.

For a month of my life, I lived in the town of Appalachia Virginia. I spent a lot of time then and thereafter wondering what could be done to help poor people whose communities used to depend on coal money, a kind of money called script, that really was given to coal workers to buy things in company stores. It was the most cyclical of poverties and it was immoral that the coal companies did what they did. (Of course I did not live in the era of actual script. But the idea of company generated poverty was everywhere.)

I had no idea of a way to stimulate the economy in Appalachia Virginia. I wanted to help, but I just was a kid with a few college credits, and no clue!

I thought getting the college degree would plant the clue into my mind, but it didn't. Getting the college degree showed me how hard it is to stick to a goal.

The thing is, I wasn't sure if that was even the goal I needed.

The thing about life goals is they are hard to get at age 20 or 25 and maybe the goal at 25 is different from 35 or 75. Well, that is clearly true.

Also, in 2000 me having a goal to be a writer one day meant one thing. In 2010 it meant another thing. It means something different now.

Impermanence is the key I guess to everything; we must let go of the idea of control, yet mean what we do.

It is hard to make decisions, but I feel good about what I am doing now.