How is painting? Painting is a liberation of emotions. When I paint a little thing it can come out loud, vibrant. A dot can capture these feelings. So when I stippled a swimmer, a couple entries back, I got asked by my brother to paint something for his wall.

So I was working on this yesterday and Mom comes in and tells me something about how "stipple swimmer was so inspired." I am working on a deadline to give this painting to my brother, and I hear in my Mom's words that she isn't sure about this half done painting as stipple swimmer. So I paint in a yellow bikini (no longer pictured) and give up for a while.

Big paintings are hard work! They can completely drain my emotions and energy in general.

Eventually I paint over the yellow bikini with white and continue the attempt.

Not sure if I could do large scale paintings every day though I am thinking they burn more calories and are a better work out.

Note - Unfinished?

Posted Fri Feb 2 18:16:31 2018

I go to the land of entropy.

Flames engulfing voices

crisp sticks snapping between us.

By the river turquoise

we see the heron in the field waiting

to take in more sun.

In these counties

hopes soar and sail

bringing me back home.

Posted Sat Feb 3 22:20:00 2018

Nouns line up as frozen water falling down a mountain.

Landscapes collecting in my mind like poems.

Old shadows finally leaving that tied dog we passed.

When the bed went up in flames I missed the moment.

But I caught outer skin of it creasing like a wound.

Then the people started dancing out, so it was ok.

Posted Sat Feb 3 22:44:17 2018

there's a beauty and purpose to html

like the uncapitalization of bell

that hooks you when you read my code

so perfectly invisible as if written on the wind it blowed

Posted Sat Feb 3 23:42:54 2018

Asked me why I love the river.

I've shivered in it's bank.

I have known a giving river.

I've seen it when it shrank.

I've slipped into a whirl pool

that brought me right back

to the same place I started

skiing on my back.

The river is the place

where I go for answers.

That much I know.

I find myself in it, my boat I row.

The Clinch is what makes this county

the Holston is what makes that state

you might think the mountains were first

I'm certain they came late.

Old mountains Appalachia

nooks unexplored every corner

the beauty of fire

the entropy of order.

Asked me why I love the river.

River laughed at the question.

I am the eternal abundant source she said.

I am the question and answer in one.

Posted Sun Feb 4 01:47:51 2018

above our sunny stratosphere

ice cycles, falls a little heavier, and lifts up again

surrounded by azure sky a quality we've never known

Posted Sun Feb 4 11:23:01 2018

The truth about me is, I applied to Children's program on a whim after already having submitted to the adult program. I always kinda wondered if I could be a Children's book creator - but I wondered it in the back of my mind. It sounds unflattering or conceited, but the application process took about an hour because I just used old stuff I had saved.

In between my acceptance a year ago and now, I have started painting and writing a lot more geared towards children. I started off thinking something along the lines of "If there is a chance I am going into that program I'd better actually do this!" So I started painting more and adding more painting in my life partially because I had an acceptance strangely and quite accidentally into a great and notable, beautiful, honorable, university.

So there was this imaginary line of distinction where my artwork and some writing began being generated because of inspiration not pressure to go forward with a MFA degree of higher learning. Eventually my self motivation would become like a freight train, as it is with poetry writing, which always was intended for adults.

This morning I woke up and started looking back at some of my vast files of poems, 37 of which have been published. Line by line I went through about 50 poems and put them in 2 piles: children likable, and not. So mentally, I am starting to do this work of the children's program, even though initially I had intended to be in the Creative Writing program.

So this is the month I submitted 400 dollars to Hollins University.

Posted Mon Feb 5 16:24:07 2018

I don't know why I have been having incredible dreams each morning about 5 AM, before my 6 o'clock waking, but it might be because I started taking my medicines in the morning at 6:05, not 10PM or so at night before sleeping. I mention that because humans are physiological beings, and medications alter our state. So where I had been at the lowest dose of medicine just before 10PM, now I am at the lowest amount of medicine in me just before I wake, in that time of sleep when my dreams are so wild and real.

In the dreams I have been meeting and knowing people I have not met and do not know in this world. Maybe this sends shivers down your spine, but me? It makes me so happy. There are connections, good beautiful meaningful connections in this world where I go. I am glad that the world is out there. Maybe that is where my soul mate has been keeping. And maybe the space and time will arrange themselves so that we can find one another here on Earth. All of these wonderful, interesting, unique, distinct people with whom I have been enjoying time in the early mornings before waking.

Posted Tue Feb 6 00:13:15 2018

I was hanging out with Megan and Erek and their children today, getting ready to play another game of chess with Gabel. Megan found a piece of Gabel's homework on the floor and was explaining to Gabel why he might have been more effective if he had used the word "but" instead of "so" in something he had written for school.

Megan asked me if I agreed with her assessment of the homework, and I just basically nodded. There was a whirlwind of UNO and toddlers too, so I didn't get the presence of mind to mention my deeper opinion. Funny thing is though I actually do have a kind of story to tell on the subject.

Gabel seemed more interested in chess and after school activities and just obligingly answered the question. It reminds me of any people studying, really, even college.

When I started in college, though, I had a different kind of promise to myself. I decided to trick the system and actually enjoy answering the homework questions. Basically it worked.

I committed myself to writing all of my essays with genuine passion for the subject, and though I got burnt out at the end, and didn't have passion for a couple things, the goal was mostly a success.

Finding passion in homework is pretty easy when you have an open mind. I know someone like Gabel has the capacity for it, and so I wish I had told him that instead of shrugging.

Posted Tue Feb 6 00:26:28 2018

Hope ribbon

I find your heart broken on the forest floor

little insect had flung her arms so high

I guess they broke when she reached heaven.

I too had lost my hopes.

I had seen heartbreak and known it well

But held tight to the thread at the end of my ribbon

And with all my strength I stitched that lego lace back together

With all my might I climbed so high again

In the forest sunshine

where I found you broken butterfly.

I know you will learn to float again.

I have faith.

Maybe I believe in evolution above.

I know you will soar somehow.

So I walk on re-homing your hope.

Posted Tue Feb 6 21:08:12 2018

butterflies are hope! poems might be closer to reality than reality the words butterflies are hope is pure truth

they live in my stomach

Posted Tue Feb 6 21:31:23 2018

The wise man says I am a collection of my five best friends.

I change the subject.

I am sitting in his office

The bearded Ed

My eyes dart across the bookshelves

I don't know why eyes nest in books found

I guess they would constantly twitch

If they could not settle

Later this morning I wonder again who my five friends are

I run through friends in my mind like treasures

I have so many close and beloved friends

I even have sisters and brothers I think of the same

There is an irony that I don't know who they are

My mind flips the pages

My eyes find the text

Posted Wed Feb 7 11:43:08 2018

Someone I care about told me to let go yesterday and I took the words deeply. I drank them like water. I breathed them as air. And now I am growing anew - letting go of any thoughts and conflicts that would have been barriers to keep me from where I go.

Posted Wed Feb 7 12:19:03 2018

The sound of a little dog nibbling,

a cat rubbing her scent glands under her chin

up against some laundry box.

After those but before the school bus motor roar

there is nothing.

In that second of silence I remember snows.

Walking through a foot of snow

in fifth grade

to my Odyssey of the Mind team. OM

The outdoor elation of snow.

No school, the thrill of going into the empty school

on a white day.

Our adults had collected us like a snow person assembly

they turned their backs for a second

and there we were gazing out at the hushed blanketed school yard.

They tried tempting us into work ethic with hot chocolate and marshmallows.

We threw the little balls at each other.

We were the good kids.

They let us back out into the cold.

Posted Thu Feb 8 12:10:24 2018

Old picture contains a day my heart singing accidental hymn.

Posted Thu Feb 8 20:22:38 2018

I have met minds and felt graced by their magnificence.

I have met skin and seen bodies and felt the kinship of touching.

But today a homeless man touched me in a place where I needed memory.

My heart.

Posted Thu Feb 8 20:37:33 2018

Today the world will open for you like a vessel parting water. Where will you go, where would you go, if you could be anywhere? What would you do if you could do anything.

Who would you accompany? Where is your heart?

Posted Fri Feb 9 23:11:02 2018

I wrote this ages ago, when June was three.

The Meanest People

I live for the children

The meanest people

They grate off my skin

With a vegetable scraper

Drink my blood, one cup

I'm dead

Then they lock me in a cage

Of irony and blood and life

Posted Sat Feb 10 11:36:48 2018

Protect your little sisters well.

Every hillside could scrape knees.

Every puddle could drown her.

There she goes again.

Setting herself on fire

to warm someone.

Posted Sun Feb 11 14:09:51 2018

If you ever get asked again,

say "yes".

As if questions are black raspberries

hidden on the other side of thorns.

Pray to stay

unscathed yet.

Poked or unpunctured

keep saying "yes" next time.

Posted Sun Feb 11 14:15:20 2018

When I learned you were where you should not be.

When I heard you saying racist things against a people.

I knew it was ignorance.

But I am tired.

I am tired of your racism and double standards.

I am tired of your talking more than you listen.

I am tired of the disrespect and begging for patience.

So I draw a boundary.

Incompetent you might call my kind.

I see you looking in some mirror talking to yourself.

Posted Sun Feb 11 14:22:07 2018

Missing Melissa.

Wondering who else misses hearing from the sad poet.

Knowing there must be so many people.

Missing Melissa.

Listening to sounds that all humans make.

Come so beautiful, Emmylou meeting silence.

That is like her poetry.

Miss Melissa.

Posted Sun Feb 11 14:30:37 2018

Lock the doors.

Put barriers around your moats and moat your fences.

Draw the bridge and withdraw into deep numbness.

But your heart withers that way.

So maybe just leave the roof open for my helicopter.

Posted Sun Feb 11 14:36:28 2018

Don't be afraid of the city, little girl.

Keep running around with your shirt off forever.

Men and urban places can swallow their shame.

Never stop being brave.

Posted Sun Feb 11 14:43:56 2018

In the rain

you can see

the flattened feathers

of vultures.

Sometimes bent

like the handles

of umbrellas

didn't work enough.

Today I see

a favorite musician

so near my home

it is a treasure.

These little free

wonders of being

here and now

of being who I am.

Today the big truck

of a neighbor

puts on his breaks

too late.

Thank goodness

I am on the sidewalk

walking back

from that concert.

It can be amazing

how mood can

shift from elation

to busted in one assault.

For me it was not the truck

but something

I read

on religion.

Walk careful tho.

Trucks are flying along

putting breaks on late

to make a macho point.

You may

lift voice

only so loud

against them.

Posted Mon Feb 12 17:41:55 2018

May your relationships be sustainable

and symbiotic.

Posted Wed Feb 14 13:35:25 2018

The devout among us call it by the name on its door - the Clothing Ministry, while the rest of us just refer to the warehouse of free clothing in Bristol VA as the "free clothes."

Regardless of what we call it, I have decided to go there this morning for my fashion needs. It's been at least six months since the last time I went there. I can't wait. I will post about my finds.

I am down to my literal last dollar this month since I paid a 400 dollar enrollment fee for my Graduate school. I read once that most people in the middle class today don't have an extra 400 dollars for a rare or unexpected occurrence like a dental problem or a car break down. Somehow I magically am able to live extremely below the poverty level, yet I can pay the fee. Magic!

The money disappears one way or the other. Personally I like choosing education.

As my beloved sister pointed out the other day, there have been lots of essays lately about how people are throwing away money to get higher degrees nowadays. My sister says she always thought the more education and travel you can get seems to enrich the life.

Up until a couple days ago I was chatting pretty heavily with a man in India who ended up wanting me to convince my siblings to give him money. That was my limit. So now I am not chatting with him anymore.

I went to my Cali brother about that relationship. My brother reminded me of something. He didn't know it. But all of this, these days have reminded me of something.

Family matters a lot to me. The reason has always been vague as "we share histories" or "they don't ditch me when it gets tough."

I have been with this stomach bug lately, lost 7 pounds in 4 days, regained 2 finally when my body remembered to be resilient.

I have had people in the world try to worm their way into my family's intelligence, through me, the obvious weak link. A family got so close to me I almost thought they were family. But they threatened my Tennessee brother and repeatedly asked me what he did for a living like their lives depended on knowing.

I drew the line then, again, knowing that family is important to me.

My mother is stretching her income for me so I can go to grad school. We live together and our beans and rice are bought together. She says I am "earning my kombucha" but I am not sure. Yesterday I help a lot in the garden. We salvage the bulbs from an abandoned house. Noble seeds.

Sometimes distance helps a part of the family. I remember when my Dad went to DC the first time and we had to start catching up on the phone. It also meant making a high school me talk. That was incredible. Still to this day my father is a sounding board for me.

No family actually matters more than "a lot." If I had a crappy family, that would be one thing, but I don't.

I lucked out on family.

Posted Tue Feb 20 12:36:11 2018


dapple on my neck

sun kissed nose.

I spend a day

in the sun

outside in February.

Digging bulbs

planting stolen


No crime as noble

as spending

in the sun.

Posted Tue Feb 20 13:22:32 2018

"Gotta love those McDowell Street people. All of those people still hanging out their clothes." Someone said one day. When asked about actual names, there drew a blank.

Young girls have picked them everyone.

Oh, when will they ever learn?

Oh, when will they ever learn?

Posted Tue Feb 20 18:05:53 2018

I could rave about the pre-shunk soft wool sweater.

I would speak quite publicly about it if you knew me any better.

Instead tho, I wish I knew the name

of this young dame.

I'd sing about the hottie,

an outspoken young stranger complaining 'bout her body.

Shame is something she brought to free clothes

(in five or ten minutes as these things goes)

I wanted to help her to see

She carries the grace of Alicia Keys.

I wanted to say whatever is weighing down your bum

is no reason to get size extra large considering you are medium.

I hope you get to continue your college

and find friends who tell you "flaunt it"

I hope you have self knowledge

and stop letting shame taunt it.

Your 80's funk should make you proud of thee.

And never shrink or cower in this "clothing ministry."

Posted Tue Feb 20 18:20:26 2018

...find in your memory a child.

Stop for a minute to explore

what that child feels about the subject.

Then let the child say it loud and certain

again and again

beaming and glaring

until it's done.

Posted Thu Feb 22 04:22:54 2018

Somewhere in the past turn of the globe I became a Director of Popperations at a popcorn and porkrind stand in Bristol TN. Fun times!

Posted Thu Feb 22 23:20:56 2018

Megan Martin was always a bird that reminded me of me.

Tonight I know she has been in Costa Rica,

and I remember my adventures in 2000 and in 2016

successes and failures

mountains I ran to the top singing

valleys I tumbled to the bottom.

I am so proud of this girl Megan,

my first Berea friend.

A believer in hope,

a breather for a world needing to heal.

Posted Sun Feb 25 02:42:00 2018

I will write more than you ever could read

and half of it is poetry

I will write more than you ever could read

crumbs, morsels of bread worth eating

rotting in bags on city streets

where hobos might be arrested for stealing,

caught rummaging through them.

I will write more than you ever could read

in alleyways with white paint

for the eyes who can't afford to eat

but have a little more time for literacy.

I will write more than you ever could read

and so will other people

the most delicious feasts will be available to some

but not to all

except for some of our words

left crammed in notebooks

lyrics unheard

beautiful fragile and sensual lyrics that cannot be heard

and some of them shouldn't.

I will write more than you ever could read

and some of the glory in that will just be

for the writer.

I will write more than you ever could read

and I will spend too long an untouched island of thoughts.

I will write more than you ever could read

and I will perfect writing

while too many are forced into illiteracy

while magic connections

would have been had



boxed in the brains and hearts and souls of people

in a world of screens

in a world that teaches fear of people

that jerks away from eye contact.

I will write more than you ever could read

and I will detach from the need to be read

though my words would cure the world of war

though my words would fix climate change

though my words would teach people to feed the hungry

though my words would teach those who never have felt hunger

to be hungry

I will write more than you ever could read


like stars and quarks

so quirky in their universe

they never become hadrons.

for a new friend

Posted Tue Feb 27 16:27:54 2018